Save Me From Myself

Chapter 23-The Wrong Way?

Alexis's POV

Barbados, the sun, the ocean, the brightness, the happiness. Would you want to know the downside to it? I'll tell you. The lies, the hiding, running away from responsibilities. Dan was my responsibility and I passed him out to Olivia, like the coward I was. I was supposed to stay with him, to support him, to help him, but I ran away from that.

Why? Because I felt dirty, filthy, I couldn't look him in the eyes and reply to him that I loved him. I called our lawyer and flew him over to discuss the terms of our divorce. Behind his back. A part of me was dying on the inside and a part of me was happy for this.

He was right, he was so damn right six months ago, I  yearned for a family, for kids, for a man able to touch me, to make me feel a woman. And I got it. But with another man. The painful thing is that it wasn't even his fault. He loved me still, sent me poorly written texts every single day, telling me how much he missed me and how much he loved me, and how happy he was that I stood faithfully by his side.

If only he knew...if only he knew that the reason I didn't sleep in the same bed with him was because I was sleeping with his best friend. I invented pathetic excuses all the time just to leave the house, to be with my lover, to spend time with a man who was able to make love to me in ways Dan didn't even think of.

Yes Glen was right. Me and Dan weren't meant to be together and he waited, waited patiently for the disaster to happen, for me to run away. And he never judged me for it. Although I knew he was filled with guilt too.

I sipped from my lemonade as I gently touched my stomach. Me and Glen never used protection, and it happened. I was pregnant in almost one month. The lawyer say in front of me at the table and opened a file.

"Mrs. O'Donoghue...well, the situation isn't easy...you know the Irish state gives you the divorce in five years."
"I know, I just want to get away."
"And you know that what Mr. O'Donoghue owns is what he will take, you won't get anything out of his fortune. His lawyer made sure of that."
"It was never about money, I'm unhappy in my marriage, and he has the right to be happy, I can't give him that."
"You realise that in his condition he will end up alone..."

I bit my lip when I heard that. He was Danny O'Donoghue, someone would love him...but not a cripple. No woman in her mind would want that. But my mind was made. For me, Glen and our child.

"Are the papers prepared?"
"Yes they are..."
"Give them to me.", I said as I pulled the paper from his side and signed them rapidly.
"All what you requested was started. Someone will be sent to his apartment to collect your belongings. Anything else?"
"Please add this in the envelope.", I said handing him some papers alongside my wedding ring and my engagement ring.
"Anything else?"
"Nothing."

I stood up from the table and I went back to the hotel where Glen was waiting for me. He saw tears in my eyes and pulled me in his arms.

"Love you took the right decision."
"I know...but it hurts me to see what I have done to him. Behind his back Glen. This will kill him."
"I know...but it was no one's choice to make. It just happened. We couldn't stand against it."
"I will have to let him know I'm not coming home."
"Don't, it will only make things worse..."

I looked at him and didn't understand how he had the power of will to hurt his friend like that. But it wasn't just his fault, is was my fault. I was the one who caused all this mess. I remembered Nicholas and realised that I was no better than him. I was just as bad as he was. I could've ripped Dan's heart out and I don't think it would hurt him more than what I just let happen.

I imagined him, sitting in his armchair, opening the envelope with trembling fingers. Reading the letter in which I explained what me and Glen did, begging for forgiveness, saying it was all my fault. Then reading the divorce papers, crying, screaming like a hurt animal.