Save Me From Myself

Chapter 20-A Bad Decision?

As we stepped inside the house everyone was looking  at us like we were crazy people. Dan was the most decided person in the world and so was I. Of course everyone asked the normal questions.

"Are ye pregnant?", asked Mark as he was arranging his tie.
"No, how come you are wearing a tie?"
"Is one of yez gonna die?", continued Mark.
"No, we just wanna get married.", replied Dan.
"I can understand that you love each other and Al is a great woman, but like now, now?", asked Dan's sister.
"Look...I wasn't feeling too bright and I ended up in hospital. The doctor's news weren't the best. At one point I won't be able to move, I'm gonna be fucking paralysed. And Al wants to be with me despite that. And I don't wanna wait for tomorrow when I dunno what might fucking happen with me. I wanna say my vows while I'm completely able to stand in front of this gorgeous woman and say them.", he said taking my hand in his.

Of course the normal panicked questions followed. Questions that neither of us wanted to answer. That perspective seemed far away and in our heads we wanted to keep it that way. Mark understood that and didn't insist too much. He took out a bottle of wine and opened it giving each one of us a glass.

"Well, as long as you are happy we are happy! Now discussing everything, reverend Cussack is waiting. Just like you wanted it Dan. By the Liffey, on the fucking bridge. And I know I have to give a speech right? It took yez a long time to figure out you were meant for each other eh? And I'm happy you finally did! Al, you're my mate's future wife and I'm proud of that, because you're a woman who knows how to take care of him! And I wish you a lifetime of happiness!"
"And me too, started Glen, from the moment we met I knew you have that special something that would keep this big idiot together! And I know I don't have to remind you of what will come, but I know you will get through it together!"
"Okay, thank you guys, don't make me cry please! Where is Karla?"
"She'll be here soon.", said Dan's sister reassuringly, arranging my veil.
"She is beautiful isn't she?, asked Dan in awe taking my hand in his.

I looked at that man and my heart was filled with love. There weren't words to describe how much I loved him. It wasn't love at first sight,love came in time, but it was something I knew it wouldn't wear off. He was mine, not only as a lover, but as a friend.

I smiled as I remembered talking to him as a friend, or shopping for all the stuff we needed. That episode will never get out of my head. It was one of the funniest ever. It was a cold rainy, night, we had nothing around the house, so we decided to go to Tesco's.

"How could we forget to do the grocery shopping?", asked Dan, helping me with my coat and scarf.
"We stuffed ourselves with restaurant food the whole week!", I giggled raising myself on my toes and putting his beanie on.
"And then we rushed in the bedroom...that bad though?", he laughed, buttoning my coat.

That was our habit when we went out, helping each other get dressed. He would pick out my red coat, for fear of not losing me in the crowd. At his height it was hard to lose me, but still it was a good game for both of us. He then mittened his left hand and my right one and put my hand in his pocket as we rushed out the door.

"Okay what do we need?", he asked me as he took a basket from a pile.
"I need something...promise you won't laugh..."
"I won't...", he replied throwing various items in the basket as I ran to another aisle.

I returned holding various bottles and jars and threw them in the basket. He was busy choosing tomatoes and didn't look at the basket. As I was putting some apples in the basket he patted my shoulder holding a small tube of cream.

"What is that?"
"You promised you won't look!"
"What is it? Hair removal cream?"
"Yes, those legs don't look that smooth without a bit of help!", I said blushing.
"Just keep that away from my hair gel, those tubes look the same...Jesus could you imagine that?", he said bursting into laughter.

My memory was stopped by a kiss on the lips from him.

"What were you thinking about Al?"
"Strangely, the time you met the hair removal cream for the first time..."
"Ah, that...well, we have our whole life to make memories like that.", he said smiling and cuddling next to me.
"We do...I love you Dan."

We were interrupted by Glen who came to announce us that Karla arrived and everything was set for us to go.

"Shit! I don't have a bouquet!!!", I exclaimed looking all panicked at Dan and Glen.
"Who said you didn't?, replied Glen winking at me and producing a bouquet of white roses.
"Thank you Glen! Oh my god!!! Thank you!!", I said hugging him tightly.
"Can I kidnap Al for a moment?", asked Glen.
"Sure mate. I'll head to the car.", said Dan with a wave.
"What's wrong Glen?"
"I'm happy for you Al, although I wish it was me, not him..."
"Glen have you lost your mind? Dan is your best friend, and I love him..."
"You think you do...but you don't...you think your heart beats for him, but it doesn't....Al, he is my best friend but you don't love him...you care for him and you confuse that with love...I pray to God that I am wrong, but you know when we kissed a year ago it was right."
"Stop it Glen! I don't wanna listen to this anymore!", I said furiously rushing out the house, leaving him to follow me.

I didn't let this conversation ruin our day. The sun was setting as we were all gathered in a weird group on the Liffey. Passers by stopped for a second as me and Dan were saying our wedding vows. It was simple and we wouldn't want it any other way.

For us that was all we wished for. I kept on thinking of what Glen said to me. I was going to prove to him that he was wrong, that me and Dan were forever.
We went to a small restaurant where we celebrated the whole event and Glen came to me again. I started to fuss, but I didn't want to bother Dan with that. He was happy and I didn't want to say what his friend was doing to him.

"Al, look about what I said..."
"Glen, stop, that kiss was nothing...It meant nothing to me. It was just out of loneliness. It meant nothing!"
"Al, stop...I wouldn't wanna hurt Dan, he is one of my best mate and my band member. I wish the two of you to be happy. But I also wanted to tell you that if you're not happy I'm always going to be there."
"Glen I'm happy I love him, I was miserable without him, and now we are together and married and that is what I wished for..."

*************

Six Months Later

"Baby, how are you feeling?"
"Stiff...a bit...but don't worry love, just go, have fun in Barbados...do the photo shoot. I promised I will never take you away from your work. I will be okay."
"Dan, baby, I don't wanna leave you all alone."
"I won't be alone. I have Mark."
"And at night? Baby he has to spend time with his family too..."
"I will be okay...Hun I love you."
"Me too baby.", I replied.
"I was thinking for a while...what about hiring someone who can take care of me while you are away."
"But I can do that."
"Al, no, I love you, if I can't do anything with my career anymore I won't stop you. You have a whole tour to take pictures afterwards. And you will be away. And it would be a good diversion for me too."
"I can ask Karla for that, although I'm not really happy with that idea."
"Why not? I'm gonna be grand."

I accepted that idea only because I was too guilty to look him in the eyes. Glen was right, after three months things fucked up between me and Dan, his health was worse day after day. He had some episodes in which he was sad, some in which he slammed things and some in which he was suffocating. It only took me one month to feel like I couldn't stand him.

Not because my feelings were fading but because my patience was becoming more and more limited. And I realised I loved my work and travelling more than I loved taking care of Dan's needs.

I spent the whole day talking to nurses that Karla recommended me and I finally settled for a 27 year old girl with a friendly attitude which had a cute smile and didn't ask any questions regarding Dan's tour cancellation of other things like that.

"So...Olivia...you have brilliant references, but so young..."
"Well, I always helped people. The worst part is when you're dealing with someone you love, somehow I considered it a test."
"I can relate to that, but I want to make sure that discretion is of utmost importance."
"Don't worry Mrs. O'Donoghue, I will respect that. I don't have any desire to lose this job, nor to upset anyone."
"Good. Here is a house key, you will stay the whole time I'm away here. I have prepared the guest room. You can move in starting tomorrow."
"Anything I need to know?"
"Dan is a bit difficult, but he is a kind man. You won't have too many problems with him. He has his episodes of anger, but it's because he is like this. He isn't used to it. I'm sure you will get along well."
"We will. Looking forward to meet him too.", she said eyes sparkling.