Save Me From Myself

Chapter 24-The Right Kind Of Wrong

Danny's POV

It was the second day after I talked with Alexis and I was calm and serene. A thing which alarmed Mark and made Liv ask a lot of questions. Her main question was why I wanted to work myself out so much.
My answer: I want to surprise Alexis.

An answer that was entirely true. I wanted to show her that I wasn't the weak crippled man that she left three weeks ago. The one that she kicked out of her life, the one she threw away like you throw the trash outside.

"Liv, where have you been?", I said getting up from the sofa.(in the meantime I regained a bit of my mobility and could move to one place to another without help)

"Jogging...", she said lifting her arms up to stretch and smiling.

Liv was always smiling, always friendly, always kind. Comparing the two of them, Liv was the most kind hearted person I ever met. She would always have a few coins in her pockets to give to beggars, or she would always stop and listen to people on the street singing.

Her joy was infectious, you couldn't stay angry or mad when she was around. Partly, her joy was one of the reasons I managed to stay calm. A close friendship started to bloom between me as her and she was the one I always trusted with everything.

"So when is Alexis coming?", she asked me happily.
"She won't be coming here anymore. I signed the divorce papers."

She looked at me puzzled. Yes, I failed to mention her that aspect in our long conversations.

"Wait, hold on, when did this happen?", she asked with a concerned look on her face.
"Yesterday, the better question is when did she start cheating on me?"

She blushed as I said that sentence. Which made me ask the following question.

"Liv did you know?"
"Yes. I did know something...at least I assumed..."
"How?"
"I overheard a phone conversation when she hired me...but it wasn't my place to discuss things like that with you..."

For a second I lost my temper, then I realised she was right. After all, when she came in my house she was a complete stranger. I looked deep into her eyes and I read something that I saw a couple of times before. Happiness.

"Liv, is there something else I need to know?", I asked her on a serious tone.
"Uhm, apart from the fact that I stink...no..."
"Liv...you have been very secretive lately, it's not like you...we are friends...you know you can tell me anything, and you know already how fucked up my life is..."
"Well...actually I have news...I will graduate in two weeks."
"Graduate? From what?"
"Music school...it's just nothing...I did a course in music and I'm happy to graduate..."
"And then there is me who I was going on about how my life is fucked. Congratulations!"
"Dan, don't joke about it. I know you love Alexis...and I know it's hard. I mean I can imagine the hell you are going through..."
"Well, I can't stand and whine all day about it. Why should I?"
"Because she is your fucking wife Dan! This attitude won't get you anywhere!"
"Liv, I've spent these whole amazing three weeks with you. You helped me change the way I see things...guess I had this coming. After all she didn't know I will recover. And I kinda got used to this whole idea. I don't blame her. And I miss her, but she brought this on her...."

She smiled and just looked away...I went to her and took her chin in between my fingers, forcing her to look in my eyes.

"Liv, why are you crying?"
"Because you are hiding away your feelings! Because this is not you! Because I'm fucking stupid!"
"Liv, what would you want me to do? Yes I am hurt, and yes I miss her, but if I were to let out all the pain, I would be fucking burning this house down to the ground. I'm powerless against this. I love her, it's natural, she was in my mind in the last 4 years so it's not easy, but she chose to break us down. I don't know why I am telling you all this, but I feel close to you...you made me take the blow a lot easier."
"Okay...I'm sorry I went out of line...I will go have a shower.", she said leaving me to stand in the middle of the living room.

Thinking about it, Liv was very weird lately. When she was around me she was a bit shy, she wasn't that open as she was in the beginning. It was hard to figure out why, after all we weren't strangers and she saw me in ways only Alexis did. She used to be so open about singing in front of me, now she was only singing in her room. She still had that sparkle but there was something that changed.

I saw her coming to the living room all dressed up in her skinny jeans and her usual checkered shirt.

"What are we up to today?"
"Not embarking on any adventures today Dan...sorry..."
"No gym?"
"Not today...Let's just sit in the house."
"Are you guys going to have a prom?"
"Yes..."
"Tell me all about it. Do you have a partner? A dress? When is it?"
"I'm not going to prom..."
"Why?"

She looked at me with her grey eyes and her pupils dilated as she answered my question.

"Because no one asked me on a date...for the prom...because this was something my parents didn't know about...because I didn't get the chance to be friends with anyone in school and, practically no one knows me from there..."
"When is the prom?"
"In two weeks time. Don't worry Dan I'm not sad about it...it's just something silly and I'm too old for prom...after all, my colleagues are 21..."
"Do you think you can make me walk properly and dance without looking like a robot until then?"
"Why?"
"No one asked you to the prom, I have never been to a prom before, and I need all something to take my mind off all the shit that's happening in my life."
"Dan, you don't have to do this...seriously it's okay..."
"Liv, you helped me, I will help you. So can you do that? Quicken the process?"
"I think so..."
"Well, let's start dancing."

She nodded silently as she stood up from the armchair, taking my hands in hers. We slowly started moving to an imaginary song, me grinding my teeth. The pain was less present, but it was still there. She noticed it and said immediately.

"Do you want to stop?"
"No. Let's keep on going..."
"Dan, you're in pain..."
"It's not the physical pain I'm afraid of..."
"What?"
"It's not that Liv...you want to know how I feel? I'll tell you...I feel like I'm living in a fucking nightmare. The woman I trusted cheated on me and I feel like I'm dead on the inside. The only lifeline I had was you...and I don't know...it may sound weird I tell you this...but you saved me from drowning myself in alcohol and probably doing something irrational."
"Dan...", she started saying in a different tone.
"No, Liv, thank you seriously, you saved me...Thank you...I couldn't have gone through without your kindness and good heart."
"Dan...there is something else I wanted to tell you..."
"What? Tell me..."
"I have to tell you that my intentions weren't the purest..."
"What do you mean by that?", I asked curiously.
"I'm not the person you think I am, well I am...I am all that but there is something else I wanted you to know...I wanted you to see me for me...I am nowhere near how my parents are, I am me, simple...and for the last six years I couldn't take you out of my head. I saw you the first time in my life when I was 21...you must not remember that...but I still keep that memory with me..."
"Liv, what are you trying to tell me right now?"
"Remember a cold winter day in Dublin? It was a rainy day in Grafton Street, near Christmas. We bumped into each other in Costa and you almost knocked me to the ground, but in the last moment you caught me and our eyes locked. I knew who you were and I asked for a picture with you. You were so kind to do that and asked me how I was and even stood for a chat with me...and I fell in love, I fell hard. I knew you had a girlfriend back then and I knew you wouldn't look twice at me...but I hoped...we met afterwards at one of your gigs, and afterwards you met Alexis...and you know the story better than me."
"Okay...Liv, are you trying to tell me that you're in love with me?"
"After you got ill, I wanted to be next to you...I wanted to help...you must think I'm crazy, but I wanted to be there for you. I didn't want to ruin your marriage or hit on you...I just wanted to be there and I wanted you to see me for me. And yes I know this is the wrong time to tell you this, you've been nothing but kind to me, but I just had to let it out...I want to see you fully recovered and afterwards I will just get out of your life. You don't need this kind of drama right now."
"Liv, hold on...why leave?"
"Because I did already too much...I told you too much...and I want to be cured of you...someone once told me, the biggest drug has a heartbeat. She was right...I'm sorry.."
"You don't have to be sorry about anything.", I said holding her hands tightly in mine, not letting her go.
"Dan, what are you doing?"
"I knew it was more to you, from the second I saw you. But now I'm going to ask you something...what if things didn't turn out with me and Alexis like this? What would you have done then?"
"I would've probably died alone...or ended up marrying someone my dad would set up for me..."
"How can you love me? I'm broken on the inside?"
"There is beauty even in the most broken person. Just as there is colour in the darkest places and beauty in the saddest of faces."
"I wrote that..."
"I know...now if you will excuse me..."