Save Me From Myself

Chapter 15- Giving All

Danny's POV

"And everyone says that you feel the same about me and I can never believe it, because why would a girl like you love a guy like me."

I tried making as little noise as possible and just stood there staring intently at her. Her face was all puffy and her breath was rapid. She cried all night, I knew it, because she was worried. She was going through fragile times and I did the shittiest thing to do possible. And I couldn't find a proper answer why. I wasn't a cheater, I never did anything like this in my whole life. I had the biggest repulsion towards those type of men and now I wasn't better than them. I was worse because she never did anything wrong. She just loved me.

I tiptoed to the bathroom and I showered myself, scrubbing every inch of my body, making my skin red. I wanted to forget, but I couldn't. The noise the shower made must have woken her up because when I came back to the living room she was standing there smoking a cigarette.

"Where were you? Are you okay?", she asked me the second she saw me she ran to me, holding me tightly, putting her head on my chest, kissing me a thousand times.

My hands were stiff, my body was numb I couldn't take her in my arms because I was filled with guilt.

"Dan, talk to me. What happened?"
"I'm sorry Al, I'm sorry...", I mumbled tears starting to fall from my eyes.
"What are you sorry for? It was a night in the studio...Dan, why are you crying?"
"I'm sorry, please forgive me.", I started saying holding her tightly, nuzzling her hair.
"Dan, what happened?"
"I, I got scared and...oh my god I...I..."

And she looked into my eyes and she knew. Tears started falling from her eyes. Those dark brown eyes I swore I will never make them shed another single tear.

She tried fighting me, tried escaping my grip but I couldn't let her go. I just kept on mumbling "I'm sorry".

"Why Dan, why did you do it? No, not why, I knew this day will come, the day I will make you unhappy.", she said after she calmed down for a bit.
"You never made me unhappy. I was too much of a dick. I'm sorry. I don't deserve you."

That day was the last day I saw her. She quietly packed her bags and headed out the door. She had every right to do that. The only memory I had of her was a picture of the two of us. Not even the engagement ring. She didn't leave me that. I guess she wanted to have a memory from the man who broke her heart into a million pieces.

***Two years later***

"Dan come on we have the whole night to us. Album finally done, Dublin City unveiling all its temptations in front of us..."
"Not in the mood today Mark."
"Why?"
"I remember this night like it was yesterday...almost three years ago I met her..."
"Alexis?"
"Yeah...I keep on wondering what she is up to now. Is she happy? Did she continue with photography?"
"Well, why don't you call her. See if she has the same number. You never did that. She was the only girl you let go to without a fight. How come?"
"Because she had every right to leave. I promised her I would take care of her. But I didn't...I screwed it up.", I said smiling sadly.
"What are you guys talking about?", asked Glen as he was coming into the studio in Dublin holding cups of tea in his hands.
"Alexis...this was the day I met her. Well, the day we saved her.", I answered taking a cup from Glen and putting it on a table.

I saw Glen smiling as I said her name. They were good friends, I knew that but I never asked him if they met or if they talked even though I was itching to find out anything about her. Glen was the one who opened up the can of worms.

"She will arrive in Dublin today. She had a photo shooting in Australia."
"You still talk to her, I know, is she okay? Is she..."
"Happy? She is trying to move on. Dan she adored you. But she is okay. Still I never understood why you didn't call her. At least to make amends."
"Because I broke her heart. Me calling would only make it worse. And now it's been two years, she is probably with someone else, happy."
"She changed that's for sure. Not the same girl anymore. I will meet with her tonight."
"Seriously Glen? Don't rub it in his face! For fucks sake!", snapped Mark.
"It's not my fault he fucked up!", shouted Glen back.
"Lads! Quit it! Glen is right, I fucked up. You know it. And I can't forbid neither of them to see each other!"

Both of them looked at me like I was mental. Mark knew I was the type of man to hold a grudge. He also knew that I was the type of man to suffer and be jealous and react like a madman. But I wasn't that man anymore. And it was all because of her. She changed me and I didn't even figure that one out before it was too late. I took a sip of tea.

"So where are you two going?", I asked him.
"Most likely in Ballinteer. The Coach House. She suggested that."
"She suggested the local near my mom's house?"
"Yes. She told me she has a liking for that place."

And then all the pieces went together. She wasn't over me. She knew that whenever I was back home I would casually go there too. We used to go there when we were together. There was still hope. My heart started fluttering in my chest. It was official, I wasn't over her. And deep down inside I knew she wasn't over me either.

I said goodbye to the lads and went straight to my mum's house.

"Daniel, are you okay love?", she said looking at my face.
"Yes...I am."
"Daniel John Mark Luke O'Donoghue. Who do you think you are talking too? I am your mother I can feel when something is wrong! Plus you make those creases on your forehead."

I hated when she used my name in full. I think I am the only Irish who had 4 names. But she was a mother, my mother above all and she was right.

"There is this girl..."
"Oh a girl, I haven't heard you say that in a long time! What about her?"
"I did something very bad to her a long time ago, and I let her go. Because I hurt her."
"Which girl? What are you talking about? I haven't heard anything about a girl ever since Mel! But that's how you are, you never tell me anything!", she said pouting.
"Mum, stop. I never told you anything about her, because we just started dating and we were taking things slow. And I acted like an idiot and hurt her. I chickened out when I promised never to make her cry. And I did..."
"Maybe you weren't meant to be together Daniel, did  you ever think of that?"
"She changed me mum. I was a crazy idiot and she changed me! She was there and she supported me when I needed more. And I didn't do anything! I just chickened out! I acted like an idiot!"
"Who is this girl?"
"The woman of my dreams! All my life I dreamt of finding this girl and now I lost her. I've been living with this pain for two years and can you imagine living with this hole in my heart."
"You love her, son?"
"I adore her. I never stopped loving her. I just stopped looking for her just to make her happy. And now I found out she is in Dublin."
"Who is this girl?"
"Alexis Peterson. She is a photographer for..."
"Peterson...I know an Alexis Peterson. Actually she was a photographer for your sister's birthday. Tallish, long, black hair, skinny girl?"
"Yes. This is her.", I said showing my mum a pic of her.

Her face lit up as she saw her. Short thing, my mother never ever had this expression when it came to Mel. She tolerated her, because of me, but never loved her.

"Yes, this is her, she changed a bit though. Her hair is a darker tone now, straight. She is still skinny, a lot skinnier than she was. But such a lovely girl. Really nice to be around."
"Yes that's her. She was always like that. But I messed it up."
"What did you do Daniel?"
"I cheated on her.", I answered ashamed.
"We never taught you to be like that Daniel! Oh god! You should be ashamed of yourself!"
"I am, have been constantly like that for two years. I'm such a dick."
"Well, don't just stand there call her! Or else I will! That's why she looked a bit taken aback when she heard the name O'Donoghue! She said she met someone with the same name, but she blamed it on a coincidence. But she said only nice things about you. She said an O'Donoghue was the reason she took photography and that that person saved her life. What did you do?"
"Helped her deal with a lot of things. I was there for her when she had no one."
"She still speaks very nicely of you. We had a nice long chat and she was so polite and friendly. I liked her."
"Well I guess I have to win her back now...right?"
"If you two are meant to be together and if you feel she is the one that can make you happy go for it. If you will break her heart again, best to leave her alone."