Tom Kaulitz

♡Part 40♡

I shut the door before I could second-guess myself.

The second it clicked into place I let out a breath. I didn't realize I was holding. My heart was pounding, my hands still gripping the doorknob like Tom might knock again. But he didn't. I knew he wouldn't.

I had made myself clear. I should feel relieved, but I'm not. Instead I feel... I don't know. Empty, maybe.

Frustrated.

I have been standing at the edge of something huge, something I should've dealt with, but instead of diving in, I turned and ran. Again.

I pressed my forehead against the cool wood of the door, inhaling deeply.

This was what I wanted. I had told myself that over and over.

I wasn't ready to have that conversation with him. I didn't even know what the conversation would be. What could he possibly say that would make things better? What could I possibly say that wouldn't turn into an argument?

Nothing.

And that's why i ended it before it could start.

I pushed away from the door and flopped onto the couch, staring blankly at the ceiling. My chest felt tight like my emotions were trying to force their way out, but I wouldn't let them. Not tonight.

I needed a distraction.

I grabbed the remote and started flipping through channels. MTV. Some random sitcom. A movie. I already seen a million times. Nothing caught my attention.

I groaned, tossing the remote aside and burying my face in my hands.

I hated this.

I hated that one stupid moment in the mall had sent me spiraling like this. That one look had been enough to remind me that no matter how much I tried to push Tom out of my head he was still there. Lurking. Taking up space.

And now, instead of forgetting about it, I was stuck overanalyzing every little detail.

The way his eyes looked—sharp, guarded, but...something else.

The way he hesitated before walking away, like maybe he had expected something different.

like maybe I had wanted something different.

I squeeze my eyes shut. No I wasn't doing this.

It doesn't matter anymore.

I forced myself off the couch, deciding that maybe sleep would make it all disappear, but as I climbed into bed, I had this sinking feeling that no matter how much I try to ignore it, this wasn't over.

Not even close.

—————————————————————————

I was halfway through my breakfast when my phone buzzed.

JayJay
———————

Okay so are we talking about
it or are we pretending
it didn't happen?
sent just now

———————————————————————

I sighed, setting my spoon down and staring at the screen she didn't even have to say what it was.

Me and Tom.

Our accidental run-in.

Him showing up at my door.