Tom Kaulitz

♡ Part 42 ♡

"Try journaling" They said. I think I've never heard something stupider in my life. My hands don't write as fast as my thoughts go it's so overstimulating.

I groan and push the journal off my bed. The journal I spent hours staring at, wondering what to write. And when I finally realized a journal wasn't gonna judge me if I wrote about Tom I began writing. But of course like every other thing my therapist suggested... it didn't work.

The main reason I had to go to therapy was because of my mom's death but I just never seem to talk about it. I talk about school, friends, and my family most of the time. I don't even bother about talking to my therapist about Tom.

I mean it's not like we know each other. Yes I know it's not the therapists' job to get to know me or for me to get to know her but that's the only way I'll open up to her. I'm not just gonna tell someone I barely know everything I'm feeling.

I roll myself off my bed, very successfully landing on my feet.

I'm going for a walk.

I grab my phone and quickly put on some sandals. I slowly and quietly creep down the stairs trying not to wake anybody up.

I finally get down the stairs and begin tiptoeing towards the door until I heard a loud thud.

Of course Kiara. You just HAD to knock something down.

I turn around to pick up whatever I had knocked down but nothing was there. Nothing was knocked over.

"What the fuck?.." I mumble. I start walking slowly towards the living room.

Yes I know. Stupid. Fucking. Idea. But for all I know there could be a robber and I wouldn't like for my new clothes to be taken from me.

I mean I guess it's smart to break in in the middle of the night. You know, murder everyone in their sleep and take everything they own.

Okay stop thinking Kiara start doing.

I grab the nearest heavy object. A salt lamp. Not too shabby. I unplug it as quiet as possible and pick up the wire so it doesn't make a dragging noise.

Deep breaths Kiara. It could be nothing. It could be a book falling off a shelf or something. Don't panic.

On second thought. I don't wanna die tonight.

I drop the salt lamp and make a run for it. I slam the door shut behind me as fast as I can and get on my bike.

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I don't think I've ever biked away from a place as fast as I've biked away from my own house. It's one hundred percent the adrenaline.

Gosh I really hope my family is okay. I shouldn't have run off like that but I'm not ready to be a hero.

I stop my bike and drop it onto the sand. I make my way to the shore and sit down. I feel the cold breeze on my face and I close my eyes.

This is peaceful unlike my life.

I let out a deep sigh and pull out my phone from my pocket and scroll through old messages between Tom and I.

I know I probably shouldn't. But if I'm gonna be so honest. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop loving him. My friends and family keep trying to encourage me to get over him and focus on myself but all that's ever on my mind is him. He's the only boy I've ever wanted. He's my first love. But I can't even stand seeing him without getting so angry.

I switch off my phone and set it down on the sand. Rising to my feet, I slip out of my clothes and walk toward the ocean.

I just need some time to clear my head.