Begin Again [Wattys 2013 Finalist]

Chapter 16

Katniss' POV

 As I get out of the shower, I look out my window and I see an incredibly weird site. It's Peeta, and he's hugging as girl. I think it's Delly Cartwright. I didn't know that she was back. I didn't know Peeta was hanging out with her. I mean, they were close as kids, so this is normal. But as I watch them say goodbye, I feel weird. And I can't help but explore the idea that I'm jealous. But I shouldn't be. Peeta's allowed to have other friends. He can know other girls. It's probably a good thing. I shouldn't be jealous. I don't love him. I tell myself this as I watch the scene, but I'm still jealous of Peeta and Delly's friendship. Maybe it's because I don't have any other friends. I never really did, besides Gale and Madge. Peeta always had friends. Maybe that's all this is. When I see Delly look up at me, I smile, but leave my position at the window to finish brushing and braiding my hair. I keep seeing it over and over in my head. Peeta and Delly hugging and laughing and smiling. Why didn't he tell me about her? He definitely has feelings for her. What am I saying? I'm thinking like a child, not and 18-year-old.

Peeta and I are not in love, I remind myself.

But this time, when I look in the mirror, I feel unusually self-conscious. And I reach into my bathroom cabinet and pull out a pair of tweezers that I have never used before. I tweeze my eyebrows and brush the knots out of my hair and rebraid it until I'm satisfied. I was going to go over to Peeta's, but I'm not sure anymore. I need to do something though, to occupy my mind. I make a cup of tea. I make my list of good things I've seen in my life. I open up a book. Finally, I hear a knock on the door and open it to a smiling Peeta holding a lopsided cake, frosted beautifully.  I look at the cake. It doesn't look like Peeta's. It's the one I made a couple days ago. But he's frosted it so that it's engulfed with flames.

He steps in and says, "Lets eat it!"

I happily throw my book aside as Peeta cuts 2 pieces and puts them on plates. I pick them up and lead him outside, where we sit in the grass to eat. And then Peeta finally decides to tell me about his day.

"So, you know Delly Cartwright moved back today?"

"Oh yeah, I saw you with her..." I trail off.

"Yeah, we had lunch! It was so great to see her!"

I'm starting to get annoyed again. Jealous. I hope it doesn't show, but I think it does because Peeta scowls at the sharp cut in my tone when I say, "Great."

He continues anyway.  "Guess what?"

"What?" I say through a mouthful of cake.

"I'm going to work on the construction crew!"

Peeta smiles and he seems genuinely happy. So I try to be happy too.

"That's so cool Peeta! When do you work?"

"Only three days a week. But I'm excited to be a part of this amazing process!"

"That's good for you. I'm glad you're happy." 

But I'm not sure if I am. What if he finds new friends? What if he forgets about me? What if he can make his life better without me? I'm so nervous about all these possibilities that I blurt out, "Peeta, do you love me?"

He looks shocked for a second, but regains his composure quickly. He looks me in the eyes and says rather frankly, "Well, yes."

"Then why were you hugging Delly today?" I ask. I can't believe I said it.

"Katniss are you serious? She's a good friend! Nothing more! You think I love her!?"

"No, yes, I don't know!" I'm the first to bring this conversation to a yell. "How am I supposed to know! All I know is you looked happy with her today!"