Begin Again [Wattys 2013 Finalist]

Chapter 55

Peeta's POV

 As soon as I hang up the phone with Effie, I sprint to the hospital. I can't believe Katniss is in labor. I'm in shock. I feel like I've been in shock since she told me she was pregnant. I know that she didn't want kids, I know that this was all an accident, but I still feel lucky. It's a happy kind of shock, mostly. I wish the pregnancy was easier for her, but it's almost over now. Three weeks and four days earlier than we expected. Which makes me the scared kind of shocked. There's so many risks that come with giving birth to a premature baby. I can't let myself think about that though. So I let the shock numb my mind as I run to the hospital. When I get to the front desk, I'm out of breath, but I smile at the woman sitting there.

"Visitor?" She asks.

"My wife is here," I say, still breathing hard.

"She's in labor."

My words come out rushed.

"Her name?" The woman asks in the same flat tone of voice.

"Katniss Mellark," I tell her.

She gives me the room number and I take off running again. When I get to her room, I push open the door and run right to her bed. When she sees me she reaches out her arms to hug me and starts to cry.

"I'm scared," she whispers in my ear as I lean down to hug her.

"I know," I tell her.

I'm afraid of saying anything else. I don't want her to know that I'm scared too. She's already in a hospital gown and attached to a few machines with IV needles. As I sit on her bed with her, the doctor comes in. He introduces himself as Dr. Barr and Katniss and I shake his hand. Then, Katniss starts getting contractions. Well, that's what the doctor tells us when she screams out in pain, squeezing my hand with numbing force.

"It seems like the baby will be born before tomorrow," says the doctor.

"That's so soon!" I say.

"Exactly. The baby will be about three weeks premature, which brings about a lot of risks for you and your daughter," he says to Katniss.

"What do you mean?" She says.

"This is hard for me to tell you. The child may not survive the birth, and it won't be safe for you either Mrs. Mellark. We can either perform surgery now to guarantee that you live, but the baby will certainly not. Or, you can choose to have the baby, which might be fatal for both of you. You need to decide soon if you want the surgery."

I can hear my heartbeat in my ears and I'm overcome with a fear that I know I'm familiar with. It's the fear of losing her, but this time, it's not only her. I feel her hand trembling in mine as she says,

"No. Don't do the surgery. I need to try to have the baby."

I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I blink them back.

"You don't have to," I tell her.

"I can't lose her before she's even born," she says back.

"I might lose both of you."

"I know. I can't give up on her yet."

"I know. Don't give up. You'll both be fine. I know it."

But honestly, I don't know it. We sit in the hospital bed together as she experiences another contraction. I try to listen to the sounds of the machines she's hooked up to instead of her screams. I hold her close to me and wrap my arms around her belly like I'm hugging our daughter too. My heart breaks at the thought that I could lose both of them as soon as Katniss gives birth. I can't bear losing the love of my life and I can't bear losing my daughter, the two miracles I've been granted in this life.