Begin Again [Wattys 2013 Finalist]

Chapter 47

Peeta is coaxing me into calling my mother and Gale as we sit facing each other, legs crossed, on our den couch. As he speaks, I slowly become distracted as I fidget with the ring on my finger. I love its simple beauty. The gold band is flawless and it complements the small, sparkling diamond perfectly. But I still am wondering what made Peeta choose this one.

"Peeta?" I say abruptly.

"Yeah?"

"I was just wondering, why did you choose this ring? It's stunning, but what made you decide on it when you were picking?"

"There's kind of a story behind it. But you're changing the subject! How about I tell you after you invite your mother and Gale to our wedding?"

Finally, I suck in a breath of air and agree. My hand shakes as I reach for the phone and dial the number that I have for my mother's house. It rings and I click the speakerphone button, placing the phone between me and Peeta. He puts a hand on my knee and I calm down as I hear, "Hello?" come through the receiver. Peeta squeezes on my knee and I spit out, "Hi mom."

"Katniss!? Is that you!?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"How are you sweetie? I miss you so much. How are you doing?"

My heart is beating in my ears and all I can think of is how she left me. Again. She left me and Prim when my dad died and she left me again when she moved to District 4. She left me.

"Good," is all I can manage to say.

The phone is silent for a second until Peeta says, "Hello Mrs. Everdeen. How are you?"

"Peeta? Is that you? Oh my you sound great! I'm just fine how are you?"

"I actually couldn't be better," he says. The look on his face as I start to cry says otherwise.

"So what's the occasion? Why the call?" My mother asks.

Peeta opens his mouth to speak for me, but I won't let him. I'm going to do this myself.

"We're getting married in a week and we're calling to invite you to come to the wedding. We just invited a few people," I say.

"I'm so happy for you both. That's such amazing news," she replies.

"Will you come?" I ask eagerly.

"Katniss... I don't know... You know I can't go back there... I just... I can't."

"You're not coming?" I don't try to hide the hurt in my voice.

"I want to. And it's not because I don't want to see you. You know you can come and visit me any time you want."

"Okay, that's fine," I say in a voice that doesn't sound like my own.

"Honey I'm sorry I just..."

I can't listen anymore. I click the end button on the phone without another word to my mom. I sit facing forward on the couch and stare into the fireplace, still trying to comprehend the fact that my only living family member isn't coming to my wedding. Peeta scoots next to me and and puts a hand on my cheek, turning my face towards him. He gently wipes away the tears that are soaking my face as I cry silently.

"I'm sorry. This is my fault. You were right. I shouldn't have made you call. I just thought that maybe she would come back, just for the wedding."

"I knew she wouldn't. I don't even know why I'm so upset. It doesn't seem worth crying over."

I try to hold in the tears. I tense up, trying to be strong. Peeta feels it as my muscles tighten against him.

"Stop," he says. "You don't have to be strong in front of me."

"Yes I do," I say as if it's been programmed into me.

"Why?" He says.

When I can't come up with a single reason, I tuck my legs up onto the couch and lean all of my weight on him as he wraps his arm around my shoulder like a blanket of protection.