Begin Again [Wattys 2013 Finalist]

Chapter 27

Before I even know what I'm agreeing to, I nod my head yes. Yes I'll go with Peeta to the Capitol. Because I don't want to be without him right now. I haven't been there since I got home after my trial. I planned on never going back. On top of that, I'll probably have to see Effie and Dr. Aurelius and a handful of other people who I have no interest in seeing. But I already answered. I said yes. I guess I was thinking with my heart, not my head.

"Really Katniss? You'll come?"

I nod again and say, 

"How soon? How long?"

He gives me a smile and says, 

"Um, well, as soon as you go get ready. And just for a few days I swear!"

I'm going with him.  I have to go with him. Because I can't stay here without him. I'm done being miserable. So I roll my eyes and say, 

"I'll go pack."

"Thanks," he says, and pulls me into a hug.

I finish eating and walk back across the street to pack. I grab an old duffle bag and throw in two pairs of pajamas, a bunch of different outfits, and my cosmetics. I walk back over and let myself in. When I don't see Peeta, I walk up to his room and find him packing. I sit on his bed and say,

"Ready!"

"Me too. Lets go!"

I scowl at him. 

"What's wrong?"

"I can't believe we're doing this," I groan.

"I know, I know. But Katniss, it'll be okay. I promise."

And that's all he had to say. I wipe away my frown and follow him out the door. I feel the warm sun on my face and smile, despite my melancholy about our destination. And I stop walking and grab Peeta's hand.

"Peeta, you are mine. And I am yours. Forever. Right?"

"What are you saying Katniss?"

"I can't live without you. That's what I'm saying."

"I love you so much," he says.

And we kiss. And I love it. Again. I don't tell him that I love him, I just nod afterwards as we walk, but he doesn't seem to mind. We both just enjoy the comfort of our hands entwined as we arrive at the train station.

~

We spend three days on the train going to the Capitol.  It’s hell everytime and I hardly sleep.  But we finally arrive and I feel the train come to a stop.  I pick up my bag with one hand and squeeze Peeta’s hand for dear life in the other.  We don’t walk two blocks before I find myself wanting to run all the way home.  It’s not like District 12 here.  People recognize me, and I hate it. They talk and point and I can’t take it.  I think Peeta can tell, because he quickly pulls me down a less populated street. 

“I shouldn’t have asked you to come.”

I shake my head and say,

“I would have come whether you asked or not.”

Peeta laughs and he takes my face in his hands.  I put my hands on top of his. 

“Just keep walking, okay?  When we get to the hotel you can just go to sleep.  Promise.”

I nod and he kisses my head.  I take a deep breath, focus my eyes on the ground, and walk.  I can’t help remembering the last time I was in these streets.  And it kills me. 

“Almost there,” I hear Peeta whisper in my ear.

I know he hates this.  I pick up my head to nod at him, but something catches my attention behind his head.  It looks familiar.  Peeta gives me a look of confusion, and I finally recognize the scene.  I recognize it because suddenly, instead of seeing extravagant people walking the streets, I see children, and I see fire, and I see bombs falling, and I see my sister.  And I feel a tear run down my face.  And suddenly I feel my feet moving as Peeta pulls me away into the hotel.  I drop his hand and wipe my eyes.  But my head pounds and I just want to sleep.  He checks in and we ride up an elevator to our room.  As soon as we get in, he drops his bag and sits with his legs stretched out on the couch, opening a book.  I drop my bag next to his and walk over to the couch, where I sit in between his legs and rest my head on his chest.  He puts his arms around me and I feel his hard cover book rest on my shoulder.  I fall asleep on him right away, trying to avoid crying at thoughts of children dying. 

~

When I wake up, I hear voices.  I open my eyes slowly and see the back of a couch.  And I feel Peeta sitting underneath my head.  I stretch out my legs and look up at him.  He smiles at me and points to a chair across the room.  I turn over on him, eyes still adjusting to the light, and see Effie Trinket sitting across from me.  How did she know we were here?  She’s smiling so widely it looks like her face is about to split in half.  So I swing myself into a sitting position and Peeta sits up next to me. 

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”  I say to him.

“You needed to sleep.”

I turn my attention to Effie, who’s on her feet with her arms open.  I hug her and she squeals loudly. 

“Katniss!  I’m so glad to see you!  It’s amazing that you’re here!”

“Hi, Effie!  Good to see you too!”

I try my best to smile and be cordial.  We sit back down and I ask,

“How did you know we were here?”

“Word travels fast!  And you know how I know all the gossip.”

She sits up a little straighter, as if that’s her big accomplishment.  She lets out a sigh.

“You two are just so adorable.  Are you thinking about getting married?  Do you want to have a family?”

She’s so excitable.  And so oblivious.  I almost feel bad for her.  I mostly feel annoyed.  I want to say, yes, of course Effie, of course I am in a stable position in my life when my main concern is getting married.  But I don’t.  I get the feeling that she wouldn’t appreciate the sarcasm.  She would probably tell me its bad manners.  I just let Peeta talk again.  He’s better at it.  He laughs and says,

“No, not now.”

Not ever, I want to say.  But I don’t.  It doesn’t matter right now.  My stomach suddenly grumbles loudly.  Effie scowls at me, but then insists on taking us to dinner.  Peeta agrees, and I just kind of follow along.  I don’t want to go out.  I don’t want to have to walk these streets any longer.  But I do, and I let Effie pull us into an incredibly fancy restaurant, which she insists serves the best food in the Capitol.  We sit and Effie continues to fill us in on “all of the best drama”, which is really just random facts about people I don’t know.  She’s perky, as usual.  Peeta remains charming, as usual.  And I don’t really speak.  I find myself dazing off quite often, thoughts always drifting off for the worst.  Peeta squeezes my kneecap under the table to pull me back to reality.  I smile at Effie and nod, which seems to please her and convince her that I have, in fact, been listening to her story.  I look at the menu and notice lamb stew, which makes me noticeably happier.  When I order it, Effie and Peeta both laugh, knowing that that would be exactly what I wanted.  I allow myself to laugh a little with them and enjoy my meal.  But when dinner ends, I’m happy to be going back to the hotel with Peeta.  I can curl up in his arms and feel at peace with him there.  They seem to be the only place that I ever feel safe, especially here.