Begin Again [Wattys 2013 Finalist]

Chapter 18

Katniss' POV

A whole week goes by and Peeta and I don't see each other. I bet he's happier without me. I see him sometimes coming and going from his house, but that's all. I'm trying to keep busy like he does, but I'm running out of things to do. One good thing has come from this; I go hunting every day. Sometimes all day. I bring lunch as when I come home, I have food for dinner. After a week, the meat starts to fill my freezer above its capacity. I decide to start brining it to Greasy Sae. In the town square, she's still selling food. I walk right up to her stand without stopping anywhere else.

"Ah, good to see you girl!"

"You too Sae," I say placing the dead animals down in front of her.

"Hunting again?" She asks.

I nod.

"Good. It was good to see you Katniss."

"You too," I say and I smile as I turn to walk back home. As I go, I notice a group of guys in hard hats eating lunch. One of them is Peeta. There's girls there too. One of them is Delly. And they all look happy. I quicken my pace and when I arrive home, the sound of my slamming door makes me realize how angry I am. I pace around my house, not wanting to sit down. I finally decide to read as I sit in the chair next to the fire. After only a couple pages, I hear I knock on the door. My heart skips a beat. What if it's Peeta? I don't know if I'll be able to leave him alone any longer. Should I open it? Does he want to be friends again? Does he want to be more than friends? As all these thoughts race through my head, the knocking continues. I'm sure it's Peeta until the knocking stops for a second. And what I hear shocks me as I reach for the doorknob.

"Catnip?" The voice asks.

I only have 2 nicknames. Sweetheart, used by Haymitch and occasionally Peeta. And Catnip. Only Gale calls me that. My heart races as I pull open the door. It's him. 

"Catnip!" He says, opening his arms and smiling.

"Oh my god Gale! What are you doing here? Come in!" I say as I hug him.

He walks in the door and we're both smiling. I'm glad to see him. He's my best friend. 

We sit down in the living room and I ask him, "So why are you here?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay. I've missed my best friend. Are you doing well Katniss?"

I laugh a little and say, "Better. Much better than I was."

"That's so good to hear. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. I've just, I've been busy."

I think about his comment. Busy? Too busy to come back for me. He didn't come back for me. No one did. No one but Peeta. And Haymitch. I choose to let it slide.

"How've you been doing Gale? Hear you have a nice new job, what exactly do you do?"

"I work in the special weaponry department in District 2."

"Do you like it?"

He thinks for a second and says, "Yeah, I guess. And it pays well, so it's not bad."

"You build weapons?" I continue to pry. "Like during the war?"

He knows what I'm thinking. He constructed the bombs that killed Prim. He let them fall. And he still creates the weapons that took the lives of all those children. After the war. For a living. And he just nods in response. He can still tell what I'm thinking, even after we've been apart for so long.

"Katniss, I know you may never forgive me for that. But do you think you can try? You know, give me a second chance?"

"What are you saying Gale?"

"I couldn't give up on you. Not yet. I'm asking you to take me back. Will you?"

I consider this option. I can't be with Peeta, should I accept Gale's offer? Can I forgive him? I don't know. I don't think so. He's too late, he lives in District 2. He didn't even care enough to come back here for me.

I finally stutter out, "Um, I don't think so, I just, I don't know."

Gale's face turns red with rage.

"Why? Come to District 2 with me. Live there with me. Please?"

"Gale, I'm not leaving."

He can't hold in his anger anymore. 

"Why!! What's here for you!! I don't see Peeta around here anywhere. Is that why? Do you still love him!?"

He just doesn't understand. I don't know. I don't know. But I'm not leaving. And I don't want to be with Gale. And this is why. He can't control his anger, and neither can I.

"No Gale that's not it! I don't know! If this is all you came back for maybe you should just go! I can't give you what you want!"

He stands up and I see him clench his fists, but I walk to the door and open it for him. He steps out, but as quickly as he came, he spins around, grabs me by the waist, pressing his lips to mine. For a second I kiss him back, remembering the orangey taste of his lips when we kissed before the Quarter Quell. But it's not for long. I stop my lips from moving and push back on his chest with my hand in shock. He holds my waist tighter. I spin my head to the side and say, "Gale, no." He finally takes his lips away from my face, but he still grips me. And as I move my head to the side of his. I catch a glimpse of Peeta standing at his door, mouth gaping open.  He saw. I get a bad feeling in my stomach, but when he goes into his house, I focus my attention back on Gale, saying, "Let go."

"I don't want to," he replies. I feel is breath hot on my cheek.

And, like I did with Peeta a couple weeks back, I slap Gale hard across the face. He stumbles back and puts a hand on his face.

"I don't get it Katniss."

"I don't either, but I think you should leave."

And he does. And when I go back inside, I cry. Because he's my best friend. And I miss him so much. But I don't love him. I can't love him. I don't need his fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have enough fire of my own. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. Peeta, who just witnessed me and Gale kissing.