Begin Again [Wattys 2013 Finalist]

Chapter 17

Peeta's POV

I did it again. But that was the last time. When I saw her face, I knew that I could not let it happen again. I can't live with myself knowing that I put her in danger every day of her life. I can't help her; I can only hurt her. And I need to stay away from her. The thought makes me sad, but it's not about me. I take two of my pills and fall asleep quicker than I expected. But I don't sleep well at all, not without Katniss lying next to me. And waking up is no better, because I know that I can't let myself see her. But I try to keep moving on. I start construction today and I'm going to Delly's to help her unpack some more things. I'm not mad at Katniss about yesterday. She was so obviously jealous, how could I be mad? But I can't understand her for the life of me. Yes, she was jealous of Delly, but why doesn't she love me back? It doesn't matter any more, because I can't have her. I won't let myself. So I get dressed and walk into town where I meet up with Delly's friend, Sam, from yesterday. He introduces me to the team I'll be working with and I smile back and greet them politely. Everyone seems nice. And it'll be fulfilling to finally be helping out around here. At the end of the day, I find out I was right. All of the volunteers were kind people and it felt good to be putting District 12 back together. I meet Delly at her house and help her move in like a promised. After we eat dinner, I go home. My whole body is sore from today, but I know that it means I'm getting stronger. If only I was getting emotionally stronger. Because when I get in bed to go to sleep, I'm not sure if I have the will power to stay away from Katniss. But I'm going to try my best.