Begin Again [Wattys 2013 Finalist]

Chapter 28

 When Effie leaves the restaurant, I pull Peeta back to the hotel.

“I’m hungry.”

“You just ate.”

“Not dessert,” I complain.

“Wanna order room service?”

I nod rapidly and Peeta laughs at me.  His laugh looks forced.  I try to put it out of my mind and I run into our hotel room and throw myself on the bed.  I wait a couple seconds and when Peeta doesn’t come, I call his name.

“Peeta!  Let’s order!”

No response.  So I walk back out of the bedroom and find Peeta gripping the edged of the counter in the small kitchenette.  I was wondering why he didn’t react to being in the Capitol right away like I did.  Now I know.  He’s just better at controlling it.

“Peeta!”

I rush around in front of him.  I’m not scared; I’m concerned.  His hands are in fists wrapped around the corners of the counter.  He clenches he jaw and squeezes his eyes shut.  Through clenched teeth he says,

“Katniss leave.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but it just turns into a pained grunt as his fist pounds the counter.  I run to the side of the counter that he’s standing on and I slide under his arms.  

“Katniss…”

His breaths are heavy and it sounds like he’s pleading with me.  He’s not all the way gone.  Not yet.  His arms stay locked on the counter, even with me in between them.  My breaths quicken as well.  I feel myself pressed against his chest.  I didn’t let myself do this last time.  But it worked once before.  I pull his head to my face and kiss him.  At first, he doesn’t react, but finally, just like last time, I feel him start to move.  At first, I feel his body shaking as I keep my lips locked on his.  Then, as the shaking dies down, I feel his hands moving on my back.  And eventually, his lips moving on mine.  With mine.  Like we’re one person again.  We break apart and I say,

“Thank God.”

Peeta doesn’t say anything.  He hugs me tight, like he’ll collapse if he lets go.  He might.  And I don’t try to kid myself that I’m holding him together.  He’s the one who holds me together.

“You okay?”

I whisper into his ear.

He opens his eyes and nods at me.

“You still want rooms service?”

He replies back into my ear.  I tell him that I do and I pull him into the bedroom with me.  I pick up the phone and order a large ice cream sundae for us to share.  When it comes, I get it from the door and we eat it in a matter of minutes. 

“So what’s the plan for tomorrow?”

“We go shopping for all the machines.  That’s all.  We’re home the next day.”

“What about Dr. Aurelius?”

“Right, he called while you were asleep earlier.  That’s tomorrow as well.”

I groan.

“Katniss you have to.  Be nice to him.  He wants to help.”

His words come out soft and weak, not like I’m used to, except in times like this.  He proceeds to yawn, so I don’t argue and I stop talking.  He falls asleep not two minutes later.  I curl up next to him and, feeling the warmth of his body, fall asleep not long after.  Peeta doesn't move all night. I don't experience the same peace. Every time I doze off, my mind floods with images from the war. Everything replays throughout the night and I can't make it stop. The thought that I'm sleeping (or not) across the street from where Prim died disturbs me to no end. When the sun finally rises, I quit trying to sleep and get in the shower. When I get out, I dress in a spring dress with tights and boots. It's not my usual style, pants and a teeshirt, but I figure if I'm going to wear this outfit anywhere, this is the place. When I'm all ready, Peeta is still sleeping. I don't want to wake him up. So when the phone rings, I jump at it before it can make any more noise.

"Hello?"

"Katniss? It's Dr. Aurelius!"

"Oh. Hi."

"You and Peeta are coming in at eleven, right?"

"Um, yeah."

"Okay, good. See you then."

"Bye."

I don't want to do this. I don't need him telling me to take my medicine and how to live my life. I'm doing better all by myself. Well, with Peeta. And if he helped Peeta so much, I don't know, maybe I can just go talk to him. I look at the clock and see that it's ten. We have an hour. I have to wake up Peeta. So I go over to the bed and lightly shake him awake.

"Peeta," I whisper.

His eyes open and he blinks.

"Do you feel okay?" I ask.

"You look stunning."

"That doesn't have anything to do with what I asked."

"I feel good, but not as good as you look."

"Stop," I say as I feel myself blush.

Peeta gets ready and we leave just in time to get to Dr. Aurelius' office on time. We step in the building and ride an elevator to his office, where he gets up from his desk to greet us. He shakes Peeta's hand and gives me a hug, which I return while rolling my eyes over his shoulder. He takes his seat behind his desk and I sit on the couch next to Peeta. As soon as I sit, a huge yawn escapes my mouth. Suddenly forgetting I'm in public, I lean my head on Peeta's shoulder. I feel my eyes start to shut when Dr. Aurelius clears his throat.

"This is... A surprising site."

My eyes fly open and I pick my head up.

"Oh yeah," I say.

Peeta just smiles widely.

"So Katniss, why so tired?"

"Why the hell do you think? Think I had a restful sleep last night? Here? Yeah right."

"Katniss stop," says Peeta. "Do this for me? Please?"

"Fine."

Dr. Aurelius smiles.

"Okay," I start.

"I recognize the lot across from the hotel. It's where Prim died. I can't get it off my mind, and it gave me nightmares."

"So I assume you're not taking the pills for that. Or the depression ones?"

I shake my head. That doesn't satisfy him. 

"Katniss they'll help you. I'm telling you that you need to take them."

I'm defiant, and argue back with him for a couple minutes before he puts his head in his hands and groans, 

"You're impossible, Katniss Everdeen."

I am. Aren't I? I look down and realize my hand is in Peeta's. I wrap my hands around his neck and press my cheek to his. But I immediately pull away. I think that, for the first time, I can tell Dr. Aurelius the truth. So I let out a long sigh, which gets his attention.

"What?"

"I don't need to take any pills."

"Yes you do."

I shake my head no.

"I don't need to because I have the only thing that will make me better. Peeta. He's my medicine. When I have him, I can sleep, and I'm not depressed. That's why I'm not taking any medication. I don't need to. He makes me okay."