Begin Again [Wattys 2013 Finalist]

Chapter 26

Katniss' POV

I walk out of Peeta's house with my head down. It's pouring rain outside, but I still move slowly, letting it drench me. The air smells like spring, and it's warm. Warm like my tears. But the rain freezes me. It's cold, cold like my heart. By the time I reach my door, I'm soaking wet. But my body doesn't desire to be dry. Instead, every part of me screams for Peeta. To feel his warmth and his strength and his body on mine. To hear his laugh and his voice telling me that I will be okay. To feel the promise that life can go on. I hope that he feels the same way. I don't think I could stand it if he didn't. That would be it. What everyone knew long ago. That he's the only thing that would break me. Snow new, Haymitch knew, even Prim knew. But I just realized. And I know I have the ability to break him too. We're both almost too far gone, past the point of no return. We're right at the breaking point. I reach for my doorknob and turn. I put one foot in the door of my house, but I don't get all the way in. I hear the door across the street creek open. Peeta's door. I slowly turn my head around and when I do, we make eye contact. And in his eyes, I see everything that I feel being mirrored. And in his face, I see my own broken soul as if it's looking back at me. And in his body language, I know neither of us will last another second. Not another ounce of emotional strength will be exerted. It would have been impossible. I stay locked on to his crystal clear blue eyes, limpid as a fresh water stream. A stream you can see all the way to the bottom of. And through his eyes, I see to the bottom of his soul. His eyes are beautiful. His hair falls right above his eyebrows, collecting rain. His jawline is strong and defined, like the muscles on his arms and his chest, which I can see through his wet shirt. And I can't be strong any longer. I don't need to. I can't carry on another second without Peeta. And I need to let him know that. I pull my door closed as I mouth his name. I run to the middle of the street in the pouring rain and he meets me there. My heart is pounding at a million miles per second. And as I collide into his arms, I feel like we are the only two people on earth. I don't stay in his arms for very long. I break away. And I do what I never thought I'd let myself do. But I'm so weak. And I slide my hand slowly, slowly into his hair. And as he moves his hands to my cheecks, we stare deeply into each other's eyes. This time, it's not our bodies that collide. It's our lips. His lips on mine. Mine on his.

And they taste familiar. Like sugar. Like they always do. And as I wrap my arms around his shoulders, prepared to never let go, I feel his arms wrap around my waist as my feet leave the ground just a little bit. But it feels good. It feels like relief. We kiss, and I feel the warmth that starts at my lips spread through my whole body. And we kiss more, in the pouring rain, but I'm no longer cold. I feel like we are one person. I want to be as close to him as possible. Which is why I press my body to his and his to mine, closer and closer and closer. But it's like I can't get close enough. And I feel so many emotions that I've been trying to avoid feeling. But not anymore. And I feel the hunger that I once felt on the beach yet again, but 10 times stronger. As we kiss, his lips on mine, mine on his, us together, I feel myself becoming whole again. I feel the missing pieces of my broken soul being put back together, just from his kiss.

The rain continues to pour, but I can't feel it. I only feel Peeta's lips pressed against mine. He pulls away and he's smiling so wide I can't help laughing.

"I've been waiting so long for that," he says.

The words tumble out of my mouth as I say, "Me too."

He's about to say something else when I get that feeling again, the hunger. So I don't let him speak. I pull his face back into mine and kiss him, tasting a mixture of fresh rain and sugar. 

"It's raining," he says.

"I know," I reply smiling.

I start to shiver and he takes my hand and pulls me into his house. We're both soaking wet, but he continues to pull me through his house. It's late, and it's been a long day. I'm exhausted. So finally, finally, I let myself collapse into his arms. And we sit on his bed and I let him hold me. His arms hold me together. They stop the shivers that make my body shake. And I feel safe. So I let myself fall asleep, curled in a ball with my head on Peeta's chest. 

~

When I wake up, rays of sun stream through the window. The clothes I slept in are still damp. It reminded me of last night, of the rain, of kissing Peeta. And then I realize that he's not next to me anymore. I sit up abruptly in bed and scan the room. I don't find him, so I run downstairs. I let out a breath when I see him. I walk up behind him and put my arms around his waist.

"You scared me," I say.

"Why?"

"You were gone. I didn't know where you went."

"I went to make breakfast!"

"I know. Don't leave me, it was scary."

"I won't."

He turns around and smiles at me. His smile, with just the right amount of shyness, makes me melt. And he puts one hand on the back of my neck and kisses me again. When we break apart, I can't help but want more. 

"I'm gonna go home and change, okay?"

"Yeah! Just come back for breakfast!" He calls out the door.

I go back home and throw my damp clothes in the washing machine. I open the blinds and my bedroom window and let the sun flood my room. The snow from the winter has melted away, I see flowers start to bloom, and it smells like spring. I go over to my wall calendar and realize that I don't even know what month it is. I'll ask Peeta. I shower and put on jeans with a short sleeved white top and a pair of my old white sneakers. I braid my wet hair and as I cross to Peeta's house, my stomach grumbles.

"I'm starving!" I announce as I walk in.

"Me too," he says and pushes a plate of bacon and eggs across the counter top to me. I sit next to him on the bar stools that sit on one side if his kitchen counter.

"Katniss?"

"Mmmhhh," I say through a mouthful of food.

"I missed you so much."

"I missed you too Peeta. You heard what I said yesterday, right? I'm so sorry about what you saw."

"No, I'm sorry for the way I reacted. I bet that was really hard on you."

"It's okay Peeta, it's in the past," I say and I lay my head on his shoulder.

"Oh, what month is it?"

He laughs but tells me,

"It's March 20th! It's the first day of spring!"

"It feels like spring."

"Katniss, that reminds me of something I've been meaning to talk to you about."

I lift my head.

"I decided that I want to rebuild my family's bakery."

A smile appears on my face and I tell him, "You should."

"Yeah, but here's the thing. I want to start as soon as possible. And that means I need equipment. And they only have the stuff I need in the Capitol. And I need to go there."

Oh no. He's leaving. He can't leave. Not again. My smile fades and I put my head in my hands. That is, until Peeta continues.

"I want you to come with me. Will you?"