Painful pasts and terrible truths

Chapter 20

*Olivia's POV*

I felt so emotionally drained, I had cuddled up on the sofa next to Virgil, Noah was still up

"Noah, sweetie why aren't you in bed yet" I asked him

"I can't sleep" Noah whispered

"It's alright love, come here, you can sit and watch TV with us" I offered

"No I want to sit on uncle Virgil's lap" Noah grinned and he jumped on Virgil

"Hey kid, be careful alright" Virgil chuckled, he ruffled Noah's hair, why does my nephew like him more than me, I felt useless now, it just shows you how loved I am

"I'm just going to get a drink" I lied, I walked into the kitchen, I turned the tap on and I started crying, why does everyone hate me, I felt awful, I really don't have anyone else who actually loves me, I wanted to throw up

"Are you alright" Noah asked

I jumped, I quickly wiped my tears away and I tried to act like I wasn't crying, f*ck

"Noah I'm fine sweetie, just go back to Virgil and he'll take you to bed ok" I smiled weakly

"Ok" Noah sighed and he walked out of the kitchen

I sat down on the floor, I pulled my knees into my chest, I covered my ears, this was the only thing blocking out the voices, I can't take this anymore

*Do it, you were so close last time, kill yourself, you little slut* the voices wouldn't go away, I tried headbutting the cupboard door but all that gave me was a headache and a nosebleed

*Why aren't you listening to me, I said kill yourself, no one wants you* the voice was getting even more hostile

*I told you to kill yourself, why haven't you done it yet* the voice was now getting impatient

"Because I'm not strong enough, I'm too weak" I cried

*Thats right, poor little slutty Olivia, you don't know how much pain he's in because of what you told him, you know what to do you just can't please him, he'll never want to sleep with you again, you're horrific in bed* the voice laughed

These comments made me feel useless, I punched the cupboard door, I held in my tears and screams, I looked down at my knuckles to see that they were bleeding

"Liv, baby, are you alright" Virgil wondered

"Yeah" I lied again

"You're not, I know you more than you know yourself, tell me what's wrong" Virgil mumbled and he sat down next to me

"Do you love me" I asked

"Yeah" Virgil replied

"Are you sure" I was scared of losing him

"I'm definitely sure" Virgil smiled and he kissed my cheek

"Are you really sure that you love me" I didn't want him to get angry

"Why are you asking me this, I'll love you for eternity, I love snuggling you, you adorable sh*t" Virgil laughed and he pulled me closer to him

"It's just I find it too hard to trust you" I admitted "I don't know if you're sick of me"

"I'll never get sick of you, you're adorable, please just don't shut me out, I need to know if you're alright, I sometimes cry when you're asleep because of what's happened, I don't want to lose you, I don't want your demons to take you away from me, please do whatever it takes for you to feel comfortable with yourself and me, I don't want you to feel scared, it makes me feel like I've done something wrong, I don't m-mean to h-hurt you" Virgil was trying to keep his composure together, in the end he broke down into tears

"I know you cry, honey, nothing is your fault, it's either my dad's, Bobby's or Lucas's fault ok" I explained "stop feeling like the reason I feel scared is because of you, stop feeling like it's all your fault" I lowered my voice to a calm and soft whisper

"I k-know it's not m-my f-fault, I j-just feel like it i-is" Virgil sobbed

"If it was your fault I would have confronted you about it and I would of left you" I reassured him, I kissed him gently

"I'm sorry I'm a massive jerk" Virgil apologised quietly

"You're not a massive jerk, you're an adorable goofball that I want to cuddle all day long" I giggled "plus your stomach is really squishy and I like it, also you're very ticklish too"