Painful pasts and terrible truths

Chapter 83

I watched Virgil paint, the way he painted was beautiful, every brushstroke he left on the canvas was gorgeous, however the paint he was using had terrible fumes that I hated.

"Seriously can you move somewhere that doesn't make me want to throw up" I laughed quietly.

"Nope, that's what you get when you let me use "grown-up paints" in your vicinity" Virgil responded with a grin.

His skill level made me feel very sad about the pathetic acrylic painting I had meekly created, I looked at it and sighed, I placed it and the paints down and I watched Virgil paint again, he was almost finished as well, I decided to leave him to his own devices and go to bed. But he wouldn't let me. He was looking at me with a very concerned expression.

"Is it bad that I kinda hate you for being talented with delicate things such as art?" I wondered.

"Aw no, Olivia don't feel like that, I've had years of practice, plus art teachers screaming at me and my mum teaching me most of the stuff I know" Virgil explained and he gently kissed me.

"I know but everything I do just sucks, I just wish I could do better" I sighed and hugged him, he was warm and snuggly which felt nice.

"Well let's take a look at it shall we and then you can tell me about the things you don't like" Virgil mumbled and he picked up the painting I had created, I didn't like any of it.

"Well I don't like any of it" I admitted.

"I think it's wonderful, I mean look at it, you've used a lot of complementary colours and your composition is interesting and intriguing," Virgil began to use fancy art words that I could vaguely remember from college, I haven't got the heart to tell him that I want to quit the course "I just have to ask, what is the true meaning behind it?"

"My struggle with crippling depression and anxiety and the fact that I've run out antidepressants to deal with it, goodnight" I answered bluntly and left him, I stormed up the stairs and shut my door, I still didn't have a lock so he could just open my door whenever he wanted to, I began to cry like usual.

"Why didn't you tell me, I could have gotten you some more, babe you can't just go cold turkey, you need to keep taking them" Virgil was trying to dry my eyes but my tears kept flowing.

"I can go without them, I'm just so stupid I don't deserve help" I cried.

It wasn't long before I was pulled into a warm embrace, I didn't dare meet his gaze because I was unworthy of that privilege.

"Baby you can look at me, I'm not going to hurt you" oh no, he's noticed.

"I don't deserve it, I'm not worthy of looking at you" I whispered.

"You are worthy, honestly, what makes you think that you aren't worthy?" Virgil wondered.

"I'm sorry" I apologised and looked up at him, he tried to wipe my tears away.

"Baby you don't need to be sorry, it's my fault, I should have checked on you, come on just talk to me, I'll try my best to sort it out for you" Virgil sighed and he kissed me softly.

"Well it's just that no matter how hard I try I don't seem to be getting better at all" I admitted.

"I feel like that too, perhaps I should convince your psychiatrist to up your dosage, how would that feel?" Virgil asked

"I don't know but I seem pretty content with just you here with me" I replied quietly and wrapped my arms around his waist, I traced his spine with my fingers and that made him giggle a bit.

"Oh okay, do you want me to sleep in your bed with you?" I loved it when he asks me this.

I nodded and nuzzled his chest. He instantly removed his shirt and that made me blush, a lot. I didn't want to take my clothes off at all, I felt so ugly. He noticed that I looked a little upset so he hugged me.