Painful pasts and terrible truths

Chapter 68

"I just realised its our last night together before I have to go back to college" I whispered kissing Virgil's cheek.

"Really, oh man, I don't want you to go, I'm really sorry about what happened at the hospital last month, I just couldn't stop thinking about my mum" Virgil sighed and he kissed me back.

"Shh, it's ok, I get like that sometimes, I have random panic attacks for no reason, some that you don't even know about" I told him, I took hold of his hands, it was hard as his hands dwarfed mine, this made me realise how much stronger and powerful he was compared to me, he could take advantage of me easily and I would struggle to escape, I got up and I searched around in my bag, I got my swimming costume out and a small bear plushie, I gave the plushie to him, it smelt like me so he had something to remember me by when I'm gone.

"Why are you getting your swimming costume out its 11 o'clock at night, it's too cold to go swimming" Virgil complained, he doesn't know the reason why I go out swimming late at night in the freezing cold, this was something I did quite regularly, sneaking out on my nightmare-free days, plunging my body into the freezing water.

"Gordon taught me a coping technique to deal with my self harm issues, submerging myself in freezing cold water for however long I can hold my breath" I explained, folding up my towel and left the room, I walked down to the pool, Gordon was in the pool, even though his surgeon had protested against that idea, Gordon could walk perfectly and had recovered quickly from the incident that happened about a month ago, I got changed quickly and I dived into the pool, it was peaceful until someone pulled me up to the surface, it was Gordon, he had his hands on my waist.

"Are you alright" Gordon wondered

I shook my head, I can't let him know that I've gotten worse, he'll just run off and tell Virgil and then Virgil will ship me off to an insane asylum where I "rightfully belong," I don't want him to know.

"Why don't you tell your old fishy pal Gordon about it" Gordon smiled to reassure me. He's accepted the fact that he's just my friend now, he doesn't try to make me feel uncomfortable anymore.

"I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm taking my medication at the schedule that's been set for me and I still feel like utter crap" I replied quietly "maybe I'm just incurable, maybe I'm just a disaster on legs."

"Don't say that, it takes a while for medication to set in and show results, my pain relievers that I have to take everyday took about four months to actually do something" Gordon sighed and he placed his arm around my shoulder "it's fun when I have to pay $750 every two months for my prescription when it doesn't even start to work instantly, American healthcare sucks, why do people like making money off of our health without dads insurance and special privileges I would have to pay $1500 for it."

"What happened to you Gordon, why did you crash" I asked him

"Malfunctions in the navigation systems and engines caused me to crash, it was the first day after I was allowed to go out on my own, I knew the equipment was unsafe but they just didn't listen to me" Gordon told me "and now I'm balancing on a razors edge of having a normal life and being paralysed and wheelchair bound for the rest of my life, my pelvis and legs are being held together by metal implants and I still have a fear of Thunderbird four, I don't want to crash again, I'm scared, just don't tell Scott I said that, he'll just laugh at me."

Seeing the pain in Gordon's eyes hurt me, I never knew he was scared of Thunderbird four, he's putting up this brave front that no ones picked up on, not even Virgil.

"I won't tell anyone, I promise" I whispered, I got undressed when he looked away, I packed my swimming costume away when I got back to my room, I felt bad seeing Gordon in pain. Maybe I should drop a hint to Virgil, he always seems closer to the younger half of his brothers, I went to lie down and I saw that Virgil was fast asleep, I got in next to him and kissed him goodnight, I'm guessing he's knocked out due to his sleeping pills, I saw a half full glass of water next to a half empty bottle of his sleeping pills, I wish he wasn't in pain either.