Painful pasts and terrible truths

Chapter 24

I fell asleep after I finished my book, I was rudely awoken a few hours later

"We don't want you hurting your neck now, do we" Virgil grinned, he placed a couple of pillows under my head

"What, what time is it" I wondered

"5, yes I know, you need to take your medication" Virgil sighed and he rolled his eyes at me

"Sorry, I fell asleep" I apologised

"I know you did, you're adorable when your tired" Virgil chuckled and he kissed my forehead, he took his keys out of his pocket and he got my medication, he got distracted and he left his keys and my medication on the side, I took his keys and I found where Alan's confiscated drugs were, I emptied the safe and I put the drugs in my pocket when I turned around I jumped because Virgil had cornered me

"Please don't kill me" I whimpered

"I thought you were better than this" Virgil muttered, he forcefully took his keys out of my hand and he took the drugs as well

I felt ashamed, I remember that when I went back to my stepdad's I had taken one of his hoodies so I could keep warm, I found it in my bag and I put it on, his clothes are too big for me

"I'm sorry" I apologised again

"Don't even think about apologising, you were doing so well and you're ruining it now" Virgil snapped, I wrapped my arms around his waist

"At least let me bake you some cookies as a peace offering" I whispered into his chest

"Just leave me alone" Virgil mumbled and he stormed off

I set to work on baking some cookies, eh I might as well just eat to make myself feel better, I'm still too bloody short, I tried to reach the chocolate chips on the top shelf, I had to climb on to the countertop to get there, I almost fell off but someone caught me

"Whoa, Jesus Christ, can you stop trying to hurt yourself for one minute" that laugh, God dammit, why does his laugh make me feel funny

"I wasn't trying to hurt myself" I grumbled

"Ok but whatever you're doing just be careful" Virgil advised me and he went to sit down

"Fine" I sighed, I got out the rest of the ingredients I needed and I made the cookie dough, I divided the dough equally into 15 little blobs and I put the tray in the oven

"Why are you baking cookies" Virgil asked, confused by my actions

"I don't know, I just need to eat my feelings away" I smiled innocently

"Are you upset about anything" why is he being sweet agh

"Maybe, it's best if I don't tell you" I did want to tell him, I don't know how he'd react though

"Hey you can tell me anything you know that right" Virgil reassured me

"I need help, like proffesional help, as in I need to get admitted to hospital help, I'm too self destructive and one day you're not gonna be around to stop me from killing myself" I admitted quietly "plus I need to lose weight and I'm just struggling with everything, like I don't trust you when you say you love me, I still don't know if you're sure, I just wish I was as pretty as Nicole then you would stop using that bullsh*t excuse of "I don't care about your appearance as long as you're happy" because that really hurts and I'm not happy and it's because you won't tell me what I'm doing wrong, I j-just w-want y-you to be h-happy with the w-way I l-look" I broke down into tears eventually

Virgil didn't say a word, he just wrapped his arms around me and he pulled me closer to him

"Did you ever feel this way about your appearance around your dad" Virgil asked quietly

I nodded, his grip around me tightened, it did hurt for him to know everything

"I think you should check on your cookies, we don't want them burning do we" Virgil grinned and he kissed my cheek

I got up slowly, wiping my tears away with my sleeve, I opened the door to the oven and the cookies looked done, I took the tray out of the oven and I left them to rest on the countertop, Virgil had come to inspect them, when he tried to take one I slapped his hand

"Olivia that really hurt" Virgil whined

"They're not cool yet, I don't want you burning yourself" I warned him