Anything But Ordinary: a Troyler AU.

Chapter 36: Broken Promises To My Broken Heart.

You and me sitting here spinning gears

We're like a stolen car

Hand in mine, feeling like this is right

But it's just not ours

The greatest pretenders forget to remember
the lies

We're falling forever, we're far from together
tonight

The light at the tunnel is a runaway train

The stars that we wish on are only airplanes

The love that we're chasing is a heart break away

'Cause we're picture perfect in a broken frame.

-Broken Frame by Alex & Sierra.

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Chapter 36: Broken Promises To My Broken Heart.

{Troye's P.O.V.}

[A/N: Lots of trashy references again, I can't be stopped. Trigger warning: Little bits of depressing thoughts, actually, more like a lot. Thanks for 12k, ahshjejdjjsjs, still crying. I made a new book cover, what do you all think?(: LET ME KNOW, OKAY.]

I wanna be drunk when I wake up on the right side of the wrong bed & never an excuse I made up, tell you the truth I hate what didn't kill me. It never made me stronger at all.

I know I'll never hold him like I used to.

We were wonderland, he & I got lost in it. Too lost in it when life isn't a fairytale book. This is a modern fairytale with no happy endings, no wind in our sails.  What we had was picture perfect & too beautiful to be a reality.

The world isn't a wish-granting factory. If anything, it's a factory of depression, sadness, & angst.

Right now, it feels like I'm bleedin', so deep, that I might not get back up. Tyler's words tore through the surface like a papercut.

Falling in love with him resembled to a kid learning how to ride a bike. The foundation of building our relationship being like training wheels. Once we reached of the point we knew we could trust one another, the training wheels came off. I was the kid, begging him to not let me go as I steady myself on the bike of our love, slowly spinning the petals, moving the bike along bit by bit. Tyler was the overbearing parent who promised to not let me go as I got a start, but after I started learning to ride on my own, he did.

He let me go. He left me.

I love him & held onto to him with everything I could, but he just didn't. He didn't stay.

His last words to me still hurt, they always would. I don't believe them, I can't believe them, but they were slowly sinking in reality like as if alcohol were running in my veins. It was numbing me, intoxicating me, ruining me. I wasn't being myself anymore, I was in a completely different state of mind, one I couldn't stand.

I couldn't run away from it because I am my own worst nightmare. I must have done something wrong to make him leave me, right? I wasn't enough for him, romantic enough, attractive enough, something. It's got to be me. It's difficult being stuck in your own body when all you want to do is be anywhere that's away from yourself. Sometimes, the most terrifying thing in life is yourself. Weird, considering no one should know you better than, well, your own self. Although, maybe no one ever really knows you or has you all figured out. Not even you.

I feel at the end of the day we're all broken pieces of a reflection of our own selves, wanting or looking for someone to love us because we just don't love our own damn selves, thinking if we find that person, they'll automatically fix us into a whole, renewed self.