LILAC (Fred Weasley)

Chapter 46

„Dear Diary,

Today is my birthday and my feelings are very mixed today. When I opened my mail from my owl, I got bombarded with glitter. Guzman tried his best in giving me a morning prank. Bad news, my breakfast wasn't eatable any longer. Shame, it looked good.

Of course people around me started to ask what that was about. When I told them about our family tradition they thought it was a nice touch and something they would look forward to as well. I miss them sometimes. Even though I am more than glad that I am able to visit Hogwarts and to meet all these amazing people, I can't help but miss my home on days like these. Especially now. I must sound so childish when I say, that I want nothing more than a hug from my mother telling me all will be good and that I should stop being so lazy. It strange how the easiest moments you can miss so dearly.

Gemma gifted me an adventure coupon to a spot, where she claims is the perfect picturesque landscape for me to draw. She even added to said coupon that it is even usable during exam time. And you are right, I will definitely use it during exam time. You have to take the chance, when it is given to you.

Louis and Gina brought me some sugar quills and parchment to draw. Sean gifted me a leather-bound book with a spell on it. He claimed I can transfer any drawing into it with a simple flick of my wand. So I could have all of it together in book form. All of them were such thoughtful gifts.

I tried to enjoy it as much as possible, though my mind wandered every time. I don't feel safe anymore inside these castle walls, especially because I do not know who or what might be after us students.

As if he could read my mind, Fred suddenly decided it's time to reach over the table and throw their gift at me. It was a knitted sweater with the letter J on it, in a baby blue color. George and he asked their mother if she would do them a favor and knit one for me. It's the best gift I have ever gotten and I have to thank her one day, when I meet her.

The group of us later hung around the gardens after classes and we passed the time at the lake. It could have been a very nice day, if it wasn't for this lingering dark cloud in me. I couldn't help and I couldn't shake it away. Gina and Louis seem like such a nice couple, they fit so well together and I like how Louis takes care of her. This seems completely different to his former girlfriend. Sean as well seemed more laid back today, then to before. So it was only normal for me to feel even more guilt. Nice of me to a party pooper.

I asked Fred how Ginny was doing, since she seems a bit startled lately, as I told you before. He claimed that there was nothing serious going on, he believes she just worries a bit about Harry, seeing that she has a crush on him. However, he promised me to look into that and cheer her up a bit more.

I just hope his definition of cheering her up will actually help her and not startled her further. So I naturally asked George to do the same. He is the more reasonable between these two.

It was a great day, but nonetheless I cannot shake the feeling that something might happen. Let's just hope for the best.

Yours,

Jade."

Jean puts the diary aside and stretches herself. Today is her day off and she decided to take this day slowly. She looks around the flat and senses everything that needs to be done. She has put housework off way too long now. With a groan she gets up from her blue sofa and makes her way over to the kitchen.

She casts some spells, directing how the cleaning cloths need to go, how the dishes needs to be placed. The water tab starts to flow and the dishes that already tower over at the sink, start to dance with the sponge and make their way over into the cabinets.

Once the kitchen is done, Jean averts her attention to the living room. Luckily it isn't that bad, still there are some books, leftovers from takeover she ordered and her couch pillows lie unorganized around. She grabs the leftover containers and the rest cleans itself along side her.

While she throws out the trash, her vacuum does the rest. The sun is out and the sky is cloudless. The woman looks up at the sky and takes in the warmth. She could go for a walk again, she hasn't done that in ages. Jean decided to get her grocery shopping done by foot today.

She locks her flat door, takes her shopping bag and starts her journey. These past few days weren't easy on her. The hospital visits, the uncertainty when it might be her mothers last day, the condolences, all these people showing up and of course the loss. Teddy was right when he said, that it's never fully healed. When her mother died, she immediately was pushed back in time to when her father left. The same hole was ripped open again. Just that this time, she didn't have Jade to turn to, to grieve with.

Jean knows, that with time it will get easier. You learn to live with it and yet she keeps wondering as to how we humans do it and why it sometimes takes so long to adapt and other times we function just the same. She has to wonder, how her mother made it through the time after the attacks. Jean knew that there was a Basilisk roaming around the castle one year, but she never knew how much it affected her mother or how bad it really was. No one ever explained how it felt and how bad it could have happened.

In the afternoon she comes home from her little walk and places her bag on the counter. With a flick of her wand the bag unloads itself. The woman opens a back of her favorite sweets and brings it with her in the bathroom. She lets the bathtub run full, pours in some oils, grabs the diary and some tea to drink and then she makes herself comfortable. She takes a deep breath and leans back. The water feels great on her skin. The quiet surrounding lulling her into a peaceful state of mind. Jean imagines herself far away and not in the middle of London in her tiny flat.

Sometimes self care can look so simple.