LILAC (Fred Weasley)

Chapter 60

Jean puts the diary away. She knows that her mother and father at one point had to get intimate in order to get her. She also knows that it is normal for teenagers to experience lust and longing and different kinds of feelings. However, reading it and knowing it is about her own mother and father, is a different level of uncomfortable. She has to take a break from reading, unsure if she is able to read any of that.

Jean grabs her coat from the entrance door, she needs some fresh air. This past few days, heck even weeks were eventful, straining and an emotional rollercoaster. When Jade died, it swept away the floor underneath her feet. Suddenly the most important person in her life was gone. It hit her like a brick, even though she knew that it could have happened any time.

Jade got sick this past year and for Jean it was hard. Working at a hospital and spending every free time she had there, wasn't doing her good. Simply, she didn't want to leave her mother. She wanted to do everything in her hands to make her feel better. She didn't want to loose her as well. When her father died, it was sudden and a shock for everyone. Especially her uncle George never fully recovered from it. Something she will never tell him, but there was a reason she never visited George for almost a year after her father died. Jean couldn't look the man in the face without feeling her heart breaking and she hated herself for it. Because George needed her just as much and yet she didn't have to strength to face him.

Her mother never judged her for it. She held Jean close, told her all will be fine. Jean has no clue, as to where Jade got her strength from. She just lost her husband, the father of her child and still stood strong for everyone else.

When Jean got the news that her mother got sick, she feared the day the sickness might win. And then it did. Even if it brought peace to Jade after a long fight, it leaves so much bitterness.

And so much has happened these past weeks. All of it she would like to tell her mum. Get her advice or just some laughable, questionable answer. Or a motherly hug. She could need one. Life is too draining.

Her feet carry her away. She lets them, her mind racing. Meanwhile she appreciates her mothers thoughtfulness in gifting her her diary a few days prior to her death, it just sometimes couldn't replace her.

Work is getting the better of her, and she wasn't allowed to participate in the new course. All the studying seemingly worthless. Jean feels like she only has to function, living in a very own system and not being able to step out of it. She is stuck and angry. Angry for not doing something different and angry because her mind doesn't leave her alone with Alec. Since the evening in the bar, he doesn't leave her mind.

Startled she stops at a lovely house with a small garden and seemingly thousands of flowers. How long is she already out for a walk? When did she walk that far?

Taking a deep breath she draws her hand into a fist and carefully knocks on the white wooden door. There are a few punctures in the doorframe, the floor mat already worn down and weed fights its way through the cracks of the stairs. Then the door opens. Jean's heart hammers.

„Oh Jean, what a lovely surprise. Come on in!" Gemma looks at her with a soft expression and makes room for her at the entrance. The woman seems tired, her eyes have heavy bags underneath and her hair is flattened.

Jean feels guilt. She should have seen after her sooner. She shouldn't have ignored her after the funeral. But she just couldn't face her. Not yet anyways.

„Thanks. I'm sorry to suddenly invade your home. I just, I just wanted to come." Jean stammers.

Gemma places a warm hand on Jean's shoulder and squeezes it. „You are always welcomed here, no matter what. Now don't be shy, I have a cake in the living room. A cup of tea?"

„That would be nice." Jean follows her godmother into the living area. She sees a board game on the couch table. Seems like Gemma is in the middle of a game. „Did I interrupt you while playing a game?"

„Ah dear, don't think too much about it. Just sit down and drink. How are you doing?" Gemma sits down on the fluffy cushions of the sofa. Jean settles herself in the comfortable arm chair.

The living room is spacious, with big windows. The walls are colored a light blue and the furniture is mostly white and wooden. When Jean was younger it always felt like she was near the sea when she visited. If you are quiet enough you feel like hearing waves.

„As good as someone can be. But it gets better", says Jean. „How are you?"

„Surviving, though good nonetheless."

They drink their tee, starring at different parts of the room. The silence is disrupted by a life-ful source.

„OI! I'm just sitting on the toilet, letting a big one go and boom, the wonderful Jean sits suddenly in our living room. If that's what happens when I take a dump, then I should do it even more frequently!" Lee props himself on a cane.

„Please Rowena no, you really don't need to be in there any longer than already am. Last time I almost sent out a missing report", jokes Gemma.

„Pff you woman. I'm not there for just five minutes and you already miss me. I just have that effect on you." He presses a kiss against her temple and settles down with a groan. „Look Gemy, Jean now speared you the defeat on our game." He winks at Jean, knowing loosing makes Gemma furious. She shakes her head and gives him the cold shoulder. They start to banter, but Jean feels worse than ever.

„I'm so sorry." She blurts out. They stop. Jean starts to cry.

„Oh good heavens. Dear what is wrong?" Gemma pushes Jean in a bone crashing hug, holding her.

„I shouldn't have pushed you away the whole time. I know you hurt too, I know you tried to help. I just- I."

„Shh", Gemma strokes her hair softly, caressing her sorrows while doing so. „I understand. No hard feelings, just love. Okay?"

Jean nods into her shoulder. Crying even harder. She thought Gemma would have been angry with her. Once she calmed down, she lets go of her Godmother. Gemma wipes away Jean's tears, patting her cheek softly.

„Little one, you don't need to apologize for anything", Lee fought his way up from the sofa and is now standing next to the armchair, pulling Jean into a lovingly side hug. He smells like bonbons and wood polish. The man ruffles her hair. „Now tell us, what troubles have you been up to lately?"

Jean has to laugh. She looks into the eyes of these two in front of her and just feels love. It was a good decision to finally come here.