𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐲

vi. older brother.

AFTER SITTING for a while like that, not speaking and listening to the Kate Bush tape, James started thinking about Sara again. He stared at the wall and it all replayed in his mind again, sitting in the waiting room and waiting. The social worker coming up to him and asking to talk privately with him and his mom.

Being taken to a different room that had a little coffee table, chairs and couches. The social worker telling him that the doctors did everything they could, but they couldn't save her. When he didn't understand what she meant, he looked at his mom. But the moment that his eyes met Diane's, she looked away and got up to leave the room, crying and apologizing. But the sorry wasn't to James. It was to the social worker for having to leave so suddenly.

James sat there alone, because his mom just left the room, and his dad was in the stairwell crying. "I don't understand." Eleven year old James said, still lost. And then the social worker explained that his sister got too sick, and the doctors couldn't do anything to help her, so she ended up passing away, he started crying. Alone. Scared. And grieving his little sister.

"James?" Lucas' voice brought him out of his daze, looking at him right away. "Yeah?" He said and the Sinclair nods to him. "You're shaking..." He says quietly and the Hopper looked down. He brought his hands together and rubbed them slightly. "Yeah. No. I--I don't like hospitals..." He explained and Lucas nods understandingly. "Oh." He said and James took a deep breath, looking over at Max in the bed.

"Whenever I looked at Max... I see her all over again. My baby sister." He said and Lucas looked at Max right away. "Your baby sister?" He asked as he looked back at James who nodded softly. "I was ten when Sara got sick. She had cancer. Then I was only eleven when she died." He said, glancing away and Lucas looked down. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know that, James..." He said, sounding taken back by it.

"That's why... that's why El means so much to me. Both her and Max." He looks over at Lucas again, the Sinclair boy just gave a small smile. "Because you wanna protect them?" He asked and James nods. "Yeah..." He said and Lucas looks away, nodding. "I mean, with how Billy treated her, Max probably looked up to you and thought of you the same exact way." He says quietly then looked over at Max, sighing.

"I always kind of thought she had a dumb crush on you or something." He awkwardly laughed, "always made me jealous." He adds and James snorts, glancing away. He shakes his head, "no, I don't think Max ever saw me that way. She always... looked at me like this little kid excited on Christmas. And maybe you're right, it was probably because of how Billy treated her." He shrugged, glancing over at Lucas who looked over at him, giving him a small smile.

"Because you're, like, a really good older brother figure. I mean, we all think of you that way." He said and James smiled at that, reaching over to give Lucas' shoulder a small squeeze. "I'm gonna go grab some coffee... want anything?" He asked, standing up. "Oh, a Coke... thank you." Lucas quickly thanks him, smiling.

They spent the rest of the night there, at Max's side while Mike and Nancy gathered some information from their mom by sneaking to her hospital room in disguises. It was getting pretty early when James went outside again, but this time it was for actual fresh air, breathing in deeply and sitting down on the curb.

For the past nine, nearly ten, years of his life, he's narrowly avoided hospitals. There was that brief moment he wanted to be there for Jonathan and Nancy when they found Will, and that was about it. Whenever he got sick, he'd always take care of it himself, and whenever it got really bad, he'd want out of there as fast as he could. There was a really bad time in particular that he accidentally broke his arm, and he hated it. All the beeping machines and the nurses all just reminded him of when Sara died.