Thg one shots

Fears

It's a cold stormy night in 12. We are in the heart of winter so this bad weather is common these days. I am lying down with Peeta's arms wrapped around me, his head resting against the neck. We are wrapped up under a quilt and a layer of warm blankets though the only place I feel warmth is Peeta. I hear his steady breathing behind me and feel it tickle the lower part of my neck. He sleeps so peacefully, sometimes with a small smile and sometimes with a frown. That is one way of my knowing what he is dreaming. I also know when he is having a nightmare. Those are the nights when his grip around me tightens for security and his body tremors every now and then. I feel my own eyes drooping at this stage, swallowing me into the darkness that could lead me to either a dream or a nightmare....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am in the arena, the 74th Hunger Games when I see him. He lies by the rocks layered in his mud disguise. His facial expression indicate he's in pain and my eyes immediately dilate towards his knee which is once again slit as it was before. I begin to run to him. But something stops me. A forcefield. I use all my strength to try push past it but I can't. I have to stand there and watch the colour leave his eyes as he dies in pain. I try to shut my eyes but I can't. As soon as he is dead another scene flashes in front of me. After he hit the forcefield in the 75th Arena. Once again I have to witness his death with no way of helping him or getting to him. Then the final image is the worst of all. His Hijacking. I watch as he is strapped to a bed, he fights back but he is too weak for the peacekeepers. Then instead of watching his death I watch his torture. I watch him get whipped, get injected with needles and then finally get shown videos altered to make me look like a threat to him. And that's the worst part... Watching his love for me turn to hatred. Then as his screams fill the air I fall into darkness which makes the screams fade, me cry and the nightmare comes to an end

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I open my eyes slowly as I hear the sounds of heavy rain outside. I'm on the edge of the bed, pushed away from Peeta's grasp. My cheeks are wet with tears and the tears keep falling. My breathing is shaky and paced slightly faster than usual. It is the same every night. Peeta is the weapon my nightmares use against me. They use my biggest fear against me

Losing Peeta.

It has happened to me so many times. So many times I have left him, caused him pain, damaged him. I'm still so afraid of losing him. I continue to cry softly. My nose snuffles softly over the rain pattering on the windows. I then hear Peeta stirring beside me. I feel ashamed. I woke him again. Every night I wake him with my screams. I can't remember a night I have ever not awoken him from his sleep. I feel guilty every time I do. He says he doesn't mind though I know what the broken sleep is doing to him. It brings black bags under his eyes and makes him extremely tired in the evenings. I try to stay quiet as the stirring continues. Then I hear him whisper my name behind me

"Katniss?"

I pretend to be asleep though the tears still stream down my face in silence. For a minute there is no more movement, just silence. Then I hear him fiddling with something on the bedside. Suddenly the room is filled with a soft light.

"Katniss"

Peeta says softly in a whisper

"I know your awake"

I feel his hand rest gently on my arm.  Its warm against the bare skin on my upper arm. I move my free hand and place it on top of his entwining my fingers in his. His finger gently brushes across my palm eventually coaxing me to turn to him. His head lies on his pillow, his blonde hair sprawled all over it. His eyes look tired but still sparkle with the ocean colour moving swiftly among them. He looks concerned yet still half asleep. His hand leaves mine and he brushes his thumb softly up the side of my face and tucks a small hair behind my ear. He leaves his palm then sit against my cheek. I put my hand over his. The tears have stopped by his touch, the remaining tears are now stopped by his hand. I give him a soft grateful smile and whisper

"Go back to sleep, I'm fine"

He looks me straight in the eye and whispers back

"No your not Katniss"

He sits up and I do the same. He then looks at me with almost a pained look. I can't help but nearly jump on him for comfort, security, reassurance. I wrap my arms tightly around him as my legs do the same to his waist. I lean my forehead on his shoulder and let the tears fall once more. His fingers run through my hair in an effort to calm me down but it isn't really working. My tears are falling fast onto his shirt as I sob heavily. I hear his sweet voice whispering reassuring words in my ear

"Its okay, you're safe. Its okay"

I want to bring myself to believe him, but I can't. I know his words are lies. Because its not okay, it will never be okay again. Never again will we be who we were before the games, never again will we feel truly safe if we ever felt it before. Always we will contain the fear of the games, President Snow made sure of that. I know we are safe now but the problem isn't me feeling I'm not safe. I'm scared that Peeta isn't safe. I'm afraid someone is going to take him from me again. After what feels forever my sobs quieten. Peeta lays me down on my side of the bed and lies down beside me so that I'm facing  him. His hand moves up and down my arm as he whispers to me sounding worried

"Are you okay?"

My tears have not stopped as I shake my head

"I'm so afraid..."

I whisper to him as I feel my hands shake as the clutch the sheets. He looks in pain as he whispers back

"Of what? Katniss we're safe now. What are you afraid of?"

I give him a small sad smile and run my fingers through his hair

"I'm so afraid of losing you"

I see his eyes begin to fill with tears

"Katniss........"

He begins. I know what he is going to say. He's going to tell me how I'm not going to lose him. But I know I can't fully believe that. Because I've lost him before. I say to him

"I know Peeta but I've lost you more than once and I just can't go through it every night. Its painful and scary and I'm just afraid that one day those nightmares are going to turn into reality. Peeta I'm just afraid of being left in this world without you"

A few tears have escaped his eyes and run down his cheeks. He gives a small smile and shakes his head while replying

"Katniss, I promise you I'm not going anywhere. There's no need to be scared"

He pulls me into his arms. I whisper to him

"Its my strongest fear, every night. It's the weapon my nightmares use the most. I just can't bear the thought of losing you therefore they target that fear."
He whispers back
"That's what I meant, on the train when I told you that my nightmares are usually about losing you. You have always meant that much to me. But the nightmare always fades after I realise your in my arms. It's reassuring"
I smile and lean in to kiss him. After what feels like a eternity we pull away and I lie my head on his chest as we begin to fall asleep. I manage to whisper to him
"Stay with me?"
One word. One word is all I need to feel that warmth, love and security from him. He whispers it back
"Always"
And that's how we recover from nightmares throughout the night. We promise to never leave each other. It's a promise I know I will never break.