The crush </3

Chapter 34

So just a quick chapter cuz I need to do a project soon.

So I was going to tell kharma my mind. Pull him out of science and just spill... but no I couldn't. I want to get over Kharma..I don't but I do... like..

he hurts me so much! I cry every night over him and I just can't .... well thats it.. I just can't. I don't wnat to get over him.... but I can't continue like this!  So I figured anyhow that the best way to get over him would be to not talk to him, completely shut him from my mind and deny all feelings towards him. I figured this would be half easy seeing as he doesn't talk to me anymore anyway. 

So I walked to form by myself.  and apparently so did kharma because he walked behind me. 

once in form I was so sad... I really shouldn't be left with my thoughts at the moment... I leaned back on the chair, closed my eyes and tried to escape. I follow after my idol.. pfft follow I'm just a female virsion of him (thats why he's my idol). And one of the many things we have in common is our way of looking at things, I was pratically living out a quote of his- Reallity depresses me, I like to create fantasy worlds and escape in them- noel fielding. 

I opened my eyes once of twice and each time Ii was being looked at by one of three people. Kharma, cameron or leon. surprisingly it was mostly kharma. At the time, kharma was lying on his bag and he would sometimes turn his head towards me, look at me for a couple of minutes then turn away and also close his eyes. 

weird huh? :p

The bell rung and I got up and trudged to the door to join a traffic jam of escaping students. Being the polite person that I am, I held the door for everyone. No one, as usual said thank you, they all just ran through thinking of nothing but themselves, I think a maximum of two people said thank you. 

Last out the door (well should have been last) was kharma. He looked me in the eyes, smiled and said what I knew would come, "go through." I shook my head, nothing but hollow politeness was present, no happiness ... no longing, just feelings. He looked away, "I'm not going through till you go..." I gave a sad half smile and walked out the door, saying a weak thank you on the way out. 

I was out the door and walking down the courtyard when kharma ran up beside me and began to walk next to me. I tried to ignore him; but he was looking at me and I felt his eyes burning into me. "its cold today," he crossed his hands and rubbed his arms to prove his point. I gave a light chuckle, "yeah..." my voice cracked and I started sliding away from him in a diagnal path. He wouldn't let me go so easily and walked beside me again. "we have geography now don't we..." I looked him in the eyes, hopefully hiding brimming tears, "yes we do..." I kept trying to politely slide away as we walked. "I keep thinking I've forgot something.. " he muttered to me, I sighed, "was it the bridge thing?" his eyes widened "oh yeah... I didn't know how to do it anyway." I chuckled, "you just copy the sheet." He smiled, " oh... but how?" I shook my head, a smile spreading over my face... I smile I most greatly pity. "you just sum it up... but don't worry, I didn't do it either." 

I walked further away and then closed my eyes in delight.. I may have finally escaped. "woah!" I just dodged bashing into this guy by the skin on my teeth. "sorry," I said adding a slight giggle as I danced around him and joined the end of a group waiting to cross a bunch of people. Little did I know kharma was waiting next to me. "there are still to many people at this school," he chuckled turning to me as if I had been with him the whole time... which I think he was because I don't remember him being neither in front nor behind me when I crashed into the guy. I gave a laugh that came out as a high gust of air... I knew I was defeated in a way, taken prisioner by him and his conversation continuers. "ugh huh,* I added. He came closer to me, "we should kill more people off... but how should we this time?" he walked with me across the path and to the stairs before continuing, "perhaps with fire?" I grinned, "yes sure! it will be easy to set fires and board them in the wndows and doors." I gave a fake evil cackle  as I entered the geography hallway. 

Usually he ditches me on the stairs... to close to class I guess. But not this time... he stuck with me all the way up teh stairs and all the way to class where I let him through the door as a replay for him letting me out 5 minutes ago. He thanked me with a beaming grin on his face as he walked through the door.

I got to my desk and grabbed my fringe. 

why is he doing this to me. He avoids me for weeks and all of sudden, just as I'm ready to forget him... well silence and drown out my love for him, he drags me back and makes me relive all old feelings. I really like him but I hate drowning in him. I hate dieing everyday and I hate feeling so imperfect!  

I have decided one thing...

I still love him! I'm still going to try win him over. But more than anything... I'm going to keep this a secret 

wish me luck xxx :) love kay