I take off my shoes. I had a friend a while back, who would always say "Let's run without our shoes it will be fun." He was right. I was depressed for a while when he moved away. I still miss him. He was the only person who could make me genuinely smile.
I follow the sidewalk to where ever it leads me. The light of cars come and go. I see a bar across the street. The flashing bright lights so hypnotizing. I'm tempted to go in. I don't, I'm not my father and I never will be. I continue on my path. My phone kept buzzing in my clutch so I turned it off completely. I worked at a phone company and I knew they could track you. I didn't want to be found. I made sure they wouldn't be able to.
I didn't know where I was heading. I honestly didn't care. I had to clear my head. Get my feelings straight.
Why did I agree to dance with him? I've never felt that way before. Not even the time I've spent with Louis could compare. Do I really care about him? I don't want to be using him. What am I doing? What am I going to do? I am so afraid. I should have never come to live with them. I should have never stayed at the Four Seasons. I should have never went with them to the park that day. I should have never let them into my apartment. I should have never let them into my life. I should have never fallen for Harry.
It starts to rain. I look up to the sky.
I get flashbacks to when I met the guys at the hotel. It was raining then too. They were so kind. They've always been there to help. Harry was rude and distant. He's opened up since then.
Tears start rolling down my face. They are unnoticed thanks to the rain soaking me. One question just repeated itself in my mind. Why am I putting myself through all of this?
I find myself at a bridge. I sit at the ledge. I look down at the stream. Oh how simple it would be to jump right now.
I sit there and remember the time I saw Harry cry when he thought I drowned that day at the beach. That was the first time I've seen him show any emotion. How would he feel if I was gone forever? He would get over. I always did.
I scoot closer to the edge. One more. Almost there. Just do it. It's the best choice. No one will notice.
I sigh. I climb back over the ledge. I haven't thought of suicide in months. I didn't miss those memories.
I continue walking. I watch my step as I walk. I paid no attention to what was in front of me. I stop. I'm at the guys place. Home. Not my home but their home. I make my way up to the door. I hear something in the bush. I check to see what it is. There is a man.
I jump back startled. "Please don't call the cops." He pleads. I stare at him.
"What are you doing here?"
"My names Thomas Cooper. I work for a magazine."
"So in other words you are paparazzi spying on the guys?"
"Yes. I mean no. Not spying. Observing."
I hum not convinced.
"Are you ok? Why are you all wet?" He asks.
"I went to an award thing the guys had. I left early. I've just been roaming around. It's raining, so you know that's why I'm wet."
"Why did you leave early? You went with them as a date right?"
"Yeah, well sort of. I went with Louis. We were kinda in a relationship. I ended up getting off with Harry. We danced. It was nice. Then I left."
"You and Louis were? What happened?"
"Did I say, were? I meant we are."
"Are you having second thoughts?"
"I don't know that's why I went walking around."
"What's keeping you from not being with Harry?"
"Well it was because he was rude and always bitter. He hinted at first that he wanted nothing to do with me. It later became because he drank too much. He slept with just anyone. He can be an asshole. I remember I received a bruise and he knew someone hit me. I don't know how he knew but that worried me. I never questioned him though."
"Well if you ever need any one to talk to give me a call."
"I would love to but you're paparazzi I don't know what you would do with the information I give you. I shouldn't even be talking to you."
"You can trust me though."
I'm not convinced but I agree with him anyways so that I could leave sooner.
I enter the house and no one is here. Maybe they are still at the party. I jog up the stairs and to my room. I shove some clothes into my bag, an extra tooth brush, what little money I had left, and my phone charger.
I think maybe it would be best if I left. They would be better off without me. I'm not cut out to be around celebrities. I don't know why I thought it would work.
I hear the door slam downstairs. I hide my bag in my closet. Guess I won't be leaving tonight. I stay up here. Silent and without movement.
I hear stomps coming up the stairs. My door swings open. The door nob made a hole in the wall. I jump. He looks at me. His green eyes met my brown ones.
