"Stuck In The Friend-Zone Again and Again"

"Broken Love"

The boys were tiptoeing around me again.

I woke up with red, puffy eyes and a headache, curled into Luke's side.
I brushed the hair out of my face and sighed, wondering why I was such a freak.
"What are you thinking about?" Luke whispered.
I jumped slightly, not realizing that he was awake.
I settled back down and looked up at the roof above us.
"I'm a freak," I said bluntly, not bothering to lie.
I could sense Luke's forehead creasing and his eyebrows furrowing, and his mouth twisting into a deep frown that was only reserved for when someone said something bad about someone he deeply cared about.
"Why would you say something like that?" Luke said, sounding almost angry at someone that wasn't me.
"Cause it's true," I said.
"No it's not."
"Um, yeah Luke, it is. What kind of person has nightmares for weeks after some guy tried to drag them to his car? It's weird. I'm a freak."
"Paris, you've got anxiety, and I'm no expert, but doesn't your mind make up the most horrific outcomes to any situation and make you think that that's what would have happened?" Luke asked you.
"Well, yeah," I allowed.
"And you're scared of sex, so odds are that that doubles your anxiety on this matter. Do you ever get dreams about whatever you're stressed about?"
"All the time," I confessed. "I think it's because in the dark silence that's when my mind takes control of everything and my demons come out to play. Usually I can't shut my brain off at night because it's going haywire with worry and thoughts."
"So it would only make sense that you would have nightmares like you do," Luke rationalized.
"Still a freak," I mumbled, resting my cheek on Luke's bare chest.
"I don't think you're a freak. I think you're the strongest girl I've ever met," Luke told me, kissing my hairline.
The inside of my body fuzzed with a slightly unfamiliar feeling.
"Stop you're gonna me me cry again," I said, burying my nose into his shoulder.
Luke chuckled, the vibration resonating against my skin.
"Sorry," he said.
"But it's true," he whispered in my ear.
I blushed. "Thanks."

I could feel myself falling in love with Luke again, and I hated myself for it.
He would never love me, and I knew that, so why couldn't I just find one of the hot male fans and fall in love with him?
Probably because I knew Luke, and Luke had been there for me through everything.
It didn't matter how ugly or fat I was, or how terrible I looked whole crying, Luke just held me close and let me cry on his shoulder.
I didn't want our relationship to change, but I was just got to ruin everything with my stupid heart.
I was never able to control my heart and who it went for, but loving Luke seemed to be my default.
Based on this, my theory that my heart was a cruel, cruel being, that aimed solely to break me down until I could never get back up.
Being in love with Luke the first time was utterly hopeless; he didn't even know she existed.
I knew that being in love with Jake was just false hope if I was being honest with myself; it had seemed so real, though!
Now I knew I was falling for Luke again, which was utterly hopeless in a different cruel way: I was friend-zoned. Or worse, sister zoned. I was almost positive he saw me as a little sister he needed to protect.
And who the fuck wants to date their little sister?
Besides the people from the Wrong Turn movies, mind you.
So all in all, my cause was hopeless, blah blah blah, you get the idea.

-----

"Paris are you sure you wanna go out?" Ashton asked me for the millionth time.
We were all sitting in mine and Luke's hotel room, debating whether or not to go out.
"Yes I'm sure! I'm not just going to sit in the hotel the whole tour!" I said incredulously.
"Well what about the n-" Michael started.
"I swear to god Michael if you finish that sentence I will cut your balls off and feed them to you," I threatened.
Michael fell silent.
"I want to go out tonight, and that's final," I said forcefully.
"Alright, alright," Calum held his hands up in surrender.
"Wait," I said, beginning to think more on the idea of going out. "Don't I have to be 21 or at least 19 to get into any clubs?"
Luke laughed. "This is England, we're famous, and we know which spots to hit. There are a few under 21 clubs but honestly our faces have become out IDs. People might know you're underage but I don't think anyone will care."
"How old are you again?" Michael asked.
"16," I laughed.
Michael waved his hand dismissively. "That's almost 18."
"Almost 17," I said.
"What's so great about being 17?" Calum asked.
"Because then I'll be the daNCING QUEEN, YOUNG AND SWEET, ONLY SEVENTEEEEN!" I said, breaking out into song.
The boys aside from Michael laughed.
"I don't get it," he said, looking confused.
"It's from Mama Mia," Like explained.
"As is 'MAMA MIA! HERE I GO AGAIN! MY MY, HOW CAN I FORGET YOU?' Mama Mia?" Michael asked, singing the part of the song he knew.
"That's the one," I nodded, flopping back into my chair.
"You know, for a famous pop punk band we're dorks," Luke said after a moment.
"You guys are, I'm punk rock," Michael said.
The guys all turned to me expectantly.
"Nah, you're just a kitten," I said, causing Mikey to pout.
"You guys are all dorks in the best way," I told them.
"Right back at you," Ashton said with a grin.
"Well duh," I laugh putting my hand, bent at the wrist, under my chin sassily. (💁🏻)
I looked at the time and sighed.
"If we're going out, I should start getting ready now if I want to make a dent into attempting to repair the ugliness that is myself," I said, pushing myself up from the chair and heading towards the bathroom.
"Don't say stuff like that, Hadley!" Calum called.
"Don't tell me what to do, Hood!"

A/N: Fun Fact: I have dreams that random brackets of my braces fall off for no given reason because I'm unconsciously stressed about that all the time ☺️

//

MIKEY ISNT A TEENAGER

THEY HAVE A MOVIE I HAVENT SEEN YET BUT I WANT MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF

IT SNOWED TODAY AND YESTERDAY CHRISTMAS IS COMING