"Stuck In The Friend-Zone Again and Again"

"Thanks For Being A Friend"

After a while, I looked up.
"Luke?" I said.
He looked me in the eyes. "Yes?"
"Thank you," I said softly. "For everything. Being so understanding and comforting and just... Thanks. I don't know what I'd do without you. You're a great friend."

He smiled, but the smile seemed full of holes and not fully real.

"Anything for you," he whispered, sounding slightly strained.

I frowned slightly at his tone of voice. "Are you alright?"

He gave me a small smile. "I'm fine."

I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that he was lying, but in that moment,
when I was feeling so broken like there was no good in the world, I just needed someone who wasn't as fucked up as me, someone stable.

And for me, Luke was that person.

----------

{Luke's P.O.V.}

Telling Paris that I was fine made me feel like shit.
Lying to her when she was so vulnerable that she clung to the idea that what I was saying was true made me feel sick.

The only reason she didn't see right through it was the fact that she was so broken and done-in.

Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I knew that I could take away at least most of her pain with 3 simple words, but for the same selfish and flimsy excuses that I had used to convince myself not a half hour before, I said nothing.

If I told her I loved her, maybe she'd believe in happy endings again.

Then again, she probably wouldn't even believe that I was telling the truth.

Where had I been when she was hopelessly in love with me back in May?

Now that she was heartbroken and fragile was when I told her I loved her, not when she was happy?

Yeah, sure, very believable.
Not.

That made it seem like a gesture of pity: not genuine and said simply to numb the pain.

My love for her was so much more than that.

It was like sunny mornings with hot mugs of coffee

It was like strolls through London on a chilly fall afternoon, hands empty of forgotten gloves entwined out of love and in search of warmth

It was like cuddling with matching cups of tea before bed

It was like dancing in the pouring rain and singing together at 3am

;it was beautiful, and crazy, it was slow and fast all at once, and gave me this indescribable feeling of joy, madness, and longing.

When I told her that I loved her for the first time, I wanted her to feel all that, to see that I could not have been more serious about anything in my entire life.

So I would have to wait.

A/N: short update but I'm going to keep working on a longer one today. I guess I should say I would love to tell you that I'll be able to update a whole bunch more in the next few days, but I'd be lying.
I'm going to Toronto with Tamwyyn on Wednesday to the ROM and staying overnight.
So I'll probably work on an update in the car, but I don't know if I'll be able to post it until Thursday.
Plus then I'm going camping so

I'm sorry you probably don't care about my life but I feel like I should explain the upcoming lack of updates.