For Me, For You, For Us(Completed)

Calm

Phil's POV

Strangely nothing really changes.When something devastating happens, something that rattles you to your core, you expect your whole daily life to change, but the truth is, besides the obvious, nothing changes, you still have work and school and expectations, your basic needs are the same, nothing really changes in the long run.

The first day was a range of emotions, from crushing sadness, to confusion, to anger.
However after the past few days all those emotions faded to a state of alarming calm.
The calm is safe, the calm doesn't have emotion.

My grades started going up in my classes, since they were the only things I would allow myself to focus on.

Peej and Chris have been worrying about me, they say I look like death warmed over, I tell them I'm fine, they don't believe me, but I don't really care.

My friendship with Tyler is struggling, he keeps trying to get me to talk to him, but I don't want to talk. Eventually he's going to get bored of me too.

Dan hasn't been at school these past few weeks, they say he's still recovering, although he was moved out of the hospital after one week, he's still supposed to be on bed rest, so they transferred him and now for the moment he is living with his dad, who is the head administrator for the University.

Peej visits him all the time, I don't really understand why, it's not like he needs anymore help when he's got his dad there to help him, but Peej always goes over right when school ends and spends the night, every single night.
I try not to feel jealous that Dan wants Peej there more than me, it's not like there's anything going on between them, Chris doesn't seem jealous or worried by it at all, but it still hurts.

I don't know when I stopped drawing, it wasn't a big revelation or even a conscious decision, normally I would draw multiple times a day, nothing big, just little sketches on the sides of my notes, or when I had time, in my sketchbook.
The first couple weeks of turning in clean papers without any little drawings went unnoticed by myself.
However when I woke up on the first Saturday of a new month and went through my whole day without even having the desire to draw, it hit me.
I always draw a new uplifting picture every first Saturday of the month. I've been doing it ever since I can remember, it was a tradition, something me and my mum would do, a way to motivate us for the coming month. There was a few times over the years where I couldn't do it, maybe I wasn't home or had something else going on, but I had never forgotten.
This was the first time I had ever forgotten, and the worst part was that I didn't care.