For Me, For You, For Us(Completed)

Disgusting

-Yay!! New cover!!-

PHIL'S POV

Disgusting.
I don't even know who I am anymore. I never was a cheater, never thought I had it in me to do something like that.
As I hail a taxi to take me back to school outside of the hospital, I feel numb, despite the cold wind, I can't feel anything.
I climb into the cab, telling the driver where to go as I settle into the seat.
I don't even realize that I'm moving my thumb across my lips for a moment and jerk my hand back when I do, disgusted at myself.
Dan's had a rough life, full of people abusing his trust and his emotions to get what they want, not caring how much he suffers because of it. And I'm no better then any of these people. So caught up in my own personal wishes that I not only cheat on my boyfriend, but kiss a guy that I barely know, who clearly doesn't want to be around me, who was just admitted to the hospital for malnutrition and hypothermia and is now being kept on a 3 day suicide watch!
I twist my hands together, feeling exhausted yet twitchy, unable to sit still.
I need to leave him alone, ever since school started and we met he's been nothing but miserable, I've been selfish for far too long, pushing my way into his life, talking to his friends behind his back, it's time I step back before he does something that can't be taken back.
The jerking stop of the cab pulls me out of my thoughts as I look out the window.
Damn it. The cabbie went to the other side of the school, the opposite from my dorm. I get out of the cab anyway, too tired and embarrassed to ask the cabbie to drive me around the block. It's not that long of a walk and I honestly need it to help clear out my head.
The cold breeze manages to center me and allows me to think more clearly. The walk also calms me down, giving my body something  to do so my mind can think.
Besides staying away from Dan, there's one other thing I need to do. The last thing I ever thought I would be doing today but regardless, something that needs to be done.
I've got to break up with Troye. It doesn't matter that me and Dan are never going to be together. I owe it to Troye and to myself to be honest about what I've done and accept the consequences.
With my mind made up, I text him. Asking if he's home, because there's something we need to talk about. After a few minutes he answers with a tentative yes and I change my path. Heading toward the red brick building that is his dorm I stuff my hands in my pockets to contain the shaking, as I climb up the stairs into the building.

3 hours later

I've been tracing a pattern of the chipped glass on the edge of my window while laying on my bed for the past half an hour. Unable to go to sleep yet too exhausted to get up. I feel bone tired, like I've aged years in one day. I finally give up on the tracing and turn over onto my back, pulling the covers over head and submerging myself in the darkness. I thought this would be better but instead of seeing the drifting rain outside of my window, I see Troye's face looking up to me as I tell him what I've done. At first he was confused and then he was resigned, comforting even. Which I wasn't expecting. I was prepared for anger and sadness, even indifference, but I wasn't at all prepared for sympathy. He didn't even seem that surprised, which made me feel even worse, like he was waiting for this.
"Phil... Phil!", he says, breaking through my rant about how sorry and useless I am.
"It's okay", he says, his voice full of sadness.
"More then anything, I guess I just want you to be happy".
I yank my covers off of my head, twisting myself to lay on my side as if I'm going to sleep, when for a fact I know sleep will never come.