For Me, For You, For Us(Completed)

Suffocating

PHIL'S POV

The news comes in an unexpected way. A tragically formal way.
This morning while I was walking to class I notice a News notification on my phone, the name of my school at the top of the notification causes me to open up the article immediately and start reading it and when I finish I'm shocked, I stop right in the middle of the crowded hallway, ignoring the people who have to push around me to get to class.
Robert Howell, the chancellor of our school, also known as Dan's horrible father, died in the hospital at 5:37 yesterday afternoon.
I'm so caught up in my thoughts that I can't even function, instead I just stand in the hallway, like a rock breaking apart a stream as students push me and each other to get around me, but I don't even notice.
Half of me is screaming to go find Dan, to comfort him and care for him, the other half, my more rational half, is saying that this is none of my business and I shouldn't poke my nose in where it doesn't belong.
In the end I make a decision, I don't know if it's the right one but it's the only one that feels possible to me.
I go to class.
I know I'm not going to be able to focus at all today but I can't influence Dan's emotions anymore then I already have, no matter how messed up his dad was you don't just get over the death of your father easily. He and I aren't even friends and I have no business pushing myself into a situation where I am not needed or wanted.
Though a small part of me still wishes he will talk to me about it- I stop that thought before I even get the chance to understand it. He's not mine, so his problems are not mine to share.
I square my shoulders as I walk off to class, already knowing that this is going to be one of the longest days of my life.

DAN'S POV

Peej left 15 minutes ago, and since I left him out, I've been standing inside my room right in front of my door the entire time.
I was kinda surprised to see him here, since he hasn't been talking to me lately, but I guess the death of a parent was enough that even he couldn't stay away. Go figure.
I lean my head against the door jamb, as I pound my fist on the wood, I can't think, fuck I can barely breath anymore, everything hurts, and I want to cut... no... I need to to cut. I need an out, I can't handle this anymore.
My breaths come out in little short pants as my tense body leans against the wood.
I can feel my arms twitching. I need to cut, I need pain, I need an out, I need it to stop... I need everything to stop.
I'm unaware that my legs have given out until they hit the floor. I just roll with it, shifting my body until I'm lying with my back on the floor, staring at the ceiling, it helps calm the trembling some.
I wish I could just sink into the floor, I close my eyes and picture it every time I breath in and out, as if every exhalation pulls me further into the earth, away from everything and everyone...
My eyes fly open as my hands reach for my throat.
Choking... suffocating.
Under the earth... disappearing... being consumed...
I pant as I catch my breath, my thoughts warring with reality.
A shaky sob come out of my throat as I press my hands on my face, over my eyes, squeezing my head while my hands shake, as I sob without tears.