For Me, For You, For Us(Completed)

Abandoned

PHIL'S POV
Both Chris and I spring to our feet as we see Peej walking back toward us. The doctor came to tell us a couple minutes ago that Dan was awake and that Peej, as his emergency contact, was approved to go see him.
Peej's eyes are downcast as he slowly walks toward us, so it's hard to get a good reading of his emotions. Chris walks up to him first, putting a hand on the side of his neck and resting their foreheads on each other's as they talked quietly. I can't hear what they are saying, but the exhausted look on Peej's face says his all.
His eyes look over Peej's shoulder to meet mine as he releases himself from Chris's hold, still holding hands, and walks over to me.
"I know nothing I say will change your mind so I'm not even going to try", he says. "I just hope you realize that this isn't something your going to be able to fix, I told you all that shit because I was hoping that there might be something left to save", he says resting his hand on my shoulder. "But there isn't, he's made up his mind and even though there's nothing I can do to change that I can try to limit the amount of people who get hurt", he says, his grave eyes staring into mine.
"You know I don't have a choice", I say back.
He nods, his eyes unfocusing from mine as he looks off into the distance, reliving something in his mind.
"I know", he says, "but I do, and I'm sorry", he says, grabbing Chris's hand as they walk down the hall toward the exit. Peej's body practically collapsed against Chris, like the only thing holding him up anymore was Chris.

The door is an off white color, not quite matching the pristine white of the walls, but if you stood at an angle and looked at it quickly, you almost couldn't see it. You could almost pretend it wasn't there.
I've been standing outside Dan's room for a couple minutes. The doctors gave my clearance to go inside but I can't get my hand to twist the knob. What if he doesn't want to see me? He has no idea that I know, am I just supposed pretend that I don't, can I even do something like that? What should I say to him? I have no right to the information I have been given and I don't know how to handle that.
It's these thoughts that have me standing outside his room staring at the door while my heart races. Unsure what to do.
A noise from inside shakes me out of my trance as I try to figure out what it was.
At first I hear nothing and I'm about to dismiss it as my imagination when the sound comes again, the sound of harsh breathing.
I open the door, not bothering to announce myself before I walk over to Dan.
He's on his side, his back facing me, as he sobs into a pillow, trying to keep quiet.
I falter in my steps when I get a look at his exposed back through his hospital gown, I can see every one of his ribs, and the skin that is exposed is way to pale and covered with faded bruises.
I take a shaky breath, preparing myself.
"Dan", I say, to get his attention. He freezes, apparently not realizing I was in the room. It takes him a second but eventually he rolls over onto his back, his breathing quick as he looks at the ceiling, tears quietly streaming down his cheeks. His hands are clenched on the sheets and I have to stop my gasp when I see them. The hospital Johnny hides nothing and I can fully see the sheer extent of his scares on his arms, some are newer, more puckered and darker red while others are faded white scars on his otherwise tan skin. His fingers clench as if he can feel me looking at his scares, showing off how thin his wrists and arms have become.
"You should leave", he says, his voice rough from not being used. "I don't see how I can", I say back, my voice quiet. "Phil", he says his voice cracking, still refusing to look me in the eye, "You have to leave", he says, his voice breaking as he closes his eyes and silently sobs.
I ignore his words and walk up to his bedside, grabbing a chair to sit next to him.
"Listen Dan, I know you hate me and I make you uncomfortable and you don't want me here but I can't just leave, not like this", I say my voice broken. He inhales a shaky breath and let's out a broken laugh. " I don't hate you at all Phil", he says before a dark cloud comes over his face, "that's not the problem at all", he says as sadness crosses his face. "What do you mean", I say, confused. He signs quietly, an odd look comes over his face, a sort of defeat as well as determination, and he tenses, seeming to brace himself. "The real problem is the fact that I actually do... I actually do like you... but I can't... I'm not... I just... I can't be...", he says, his voice trailing off at the end. "Dan, it's okay", I say, my voice soft, "you don't have to pretend for me, I know you don't want to hurt my feelings and I appreciate that but you don't have to lie for me either", I say. He grunts, "I'm not lying", he says, his voice sharp, "I'm trying to be honest for once in my fucking life but I can't, I can't because I'm fucked up, Phil you have no idea how fucked up I am, I'm so fucked up, I fuck up everything I touch, everyone around me gets hurt, they leave or they die, everyone, everyone does", he says, the words running together as he tries to get them out. "I don't want you to leave Phil... I... don't want you... to get hurt...", he whispers. My heart stops and I lean over his bed, putting my hand on his face as I slowly turn it to face mine so that he can't avoid looking me in the eye. I wait for his beautiful brown eyes to shift over to mine before telling him, "you don't have to worry about me Dan", I whisper, "cause I think your amazing, and as long as you want me around, I'm not going to leave", I say, rubbing my thumb along his too prominent cheek bone, "and I'm not going to leave you", I say staring into his eyes.
He stares at me for a few seconds, seeming caught in his own mind before he suddenly jerks his face toward mine and uses his hand to pull mine toward him. I'm shocked, and for a few seconds my brain can't quiet process what is happening and I don't move. He pulls back, an embarrassed look of self hatred on his face as he opens his mouth to make some excuse.
I cut off that excuse before he can say it by pulling his face back up to meet mine as my lips curve around his. He seems shocked for a second but soon recovers and twists his hands in my hair, pulling me closer to him. I trace the outside of his face as our lips dance together and my heart explodes. Dan actually likes me, he admitted it and the only reason he pushed me away was because he was afraid of hurting me. I stroke his face, feeling happy for the first time in forever. We can finally be together.
The thought fades from my mind as quickly as it entered my mind, I'm being stupid, Dan isn't gay, he's more then proved that, this is probably him feeling guilty for treating me like shit. He's confused, he doesn't know what he's feeling and here I am, taking advantage of him when he's hurt and emotional. Wow I am such a dick, I can't believe I even thought this was real, I'm such an abuser.
I pull away from, feeling extremely guilty as I see the look of confusion on his face.
"Dan... you don't have to pretend to be someone your not for me and I'm sorry for putting you in this position, that was really messed up of me to do", I say, not meeting his eyes. "Wait what", he says, sounding confused. "Listen I'm sorry, I'll leave you alone, I'll stop bugging you, I'll just get out of your life, I'm sorry", I say, getting up and moving quickly towards the door. "Wait what, Phil? Phil stop!", Dan yells as I leave the room. I can still hear him calling Phil as I jog down the hall, tears falling from my face as I angrily brush them away. I'm so stupid, so stupid, I chant in my head as the door swings shut behind me.