For Me, For You, For Us(Completed)

Collateral Damage

DAN'S POV
Dr. Izomer left a couple minutes after her speech. And to be completely honest... I wasn't sure how to feel about it, when people learn about the shit that happened in my past or when the see my scars or whatever you really only get different variations of the same two emotions: shock and pity. Most people either don't know how to handle the information or they are like Peej and take everything personally, like it's their fault for my choices. I've never had a person be angry for me instead of at me. And yet the idea of someone wanting to help me help myself, terrifies me unlike anything else. It makes everything that happened in my past seem real and the thought of having to re-live that fucking shit all over again makes me wanna take the doctors first option rather then the one she just said.
My thoughts are cut off when the nurse from before peeks her head in. "There's a young man outside named Peej, your emergency contact, would you like to speak to him now?" she asks.
My first instinct is to say no. My mind is too slow to hold any form of conversation and my emotions are way to volatile for me to trust anything that I might say.
I nod though, cause it's Peej and if i owe anyone a couple seconds of my time it's him.
She nods back and closes the door. The sound of her feet receding down the hall.
I try to scoot up on my bed, to give the impression of being healthier then I am but that slight movement exhausts me so much that I have to lay my head back on the pillow and close my eyes to avoid passing out again.
"Dan?" he says, his voice desolate.
I reopen my eyes and turn my head to face him but don't bother trying to lift myself up again.
"Peej", I say, my voice scratchy from lack of use. I cough slightly, making my whole body hurt.
My vision clears and I see him leaning against the wall. Looking like he hasn't sleep; with bags under his eyes and his rumpled clothes.
He waits for me to talk, for me to explain, for me to make everything all right again, but I can't, nothing can and I'm not sure what to say to him. Sorry is definitely not gonna cut it. Not after all the shit that we have been through. So I just don't say anything, like the fucking coward I am.
"I don't know what to do anymore", he says, sounding confused and tired. "I'm out of options. I just played my last card and now my hands are empty..." he says, his voice cracking at the end as he brings his hands up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "There's only so much you can do to save someone who doesn't want to be saved and I just... I just can't... anymore", he says, his voice breaking as his breathing gets louder. "I can't fucking do anything!" he whispers angrily as he whips his hands down from his face back to his hips. "I... can't do... anything", he says, his voice hopeless as he looks at his shoes. His eyes finally look up to meet mine. "But I'm not gonna sit around and watch you kill yourself again. Cause after your dead you won't give a shit," he laughs bitterly, "as if you give one now", he says with dark humor, "Cause your gonna be gone and you know where I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be the fucker burying the body!"
he says, yanking his hands through his hair as he turns around and heads for the door. At the last second he stops and turns his head back to look at me. "Look, nobody knows better then I do the shit that you have gone through these past few years, and I don't know if you realize but when you die-" he says die with finality, as if he's already accepted the inevitable "-it doesn't magically get better, actually it gets so much fucking worse for those of us left behind and if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go and try to take back my mistakes so I can reduce the collateral damage", he says with a tone of betrayal, anger, and exhaustion, as he turns to leave, quietly shutting the door behind him politely as if he doesn't wanna disturb anyone else on the floor.