For Me, For You, For Us(Completed)

Last Chance

DAN'S POV
I wake up to the hum of the fluorescent lights above my bed. I blink my eyes, trying to adjust to the light as I take in my surroundings.
White walls, white floor, white ceiling, white bed, there's way to much white in this room, signifying it must be a hospital.
I try to pull myself upright, my neck cracking in the process, but panic when I realize that I can barely support my own weight.
I look down over my body, covered with a white sheet, trying to remember how I got here.
My arms give out on me and I collapse back onto the bed, my whole body aching in the process.
I feel so weak and exhausted, my eyelids slip shut on their own accord and against my will I slip into unconsciousness.

PHIL'S POV
They won't let me see him. Because I'm not family. They won't even tell me why he's here and I haven't even got the chance to talk to Peej yet.
Part of me is frustrated that I care this much. I barely even know Dan and one kiss hardly means anything, not to mention that Dan literally told me to never speak to him again.
He wouldn't want me here, so why can't I just get up and leave?
I rub my hands over my eyes, resting my arms on my legs as I sit in an uncomfortable hospital chair.
I've been here for about an hour and I know nothing, not if he's okay or in surgery or dead.
I run my hand through my hair, pulling at the fringe until it starts to hurt.
The sound of footsteps near me makes me jerk my head up and stand up quickly as I see Peej walking down the hallway towards me.
We make eye contact and he doesn't even seem surprised to see me here. 
He stops in the middle of the hallway, emotions warring across his face before it finally settles into resolution and he strides towards me.

PEEJ'S POV
I'm done. There's nothing more I can do for him, I've done everything I can, but I can't fix everything, I don't know if anybody can to be honest.
But there's one thing I haven't tried, and I have no idea if it would even work, but I'm out of options and even though I know I'm breaking Dan's trust, that won't matter much in the future if he's dead.
I walk up to Phil, he has a frantic look in his eyes and he seems to be desperately searching mine for answers, I wonder what he sees.
"Is he okay", he asks as soon as I step up to him.
"He's not dead", I answer, that's the best I can give him.
At first he looks relieved but when the look on my face doesn't fade he seems to realize that's there's more to this than he thinks.
"Let's talk", I say as I grab his arm and gently lead him into a room down the hall.

We walk into the room and I shut the door, slowly turning around, trying to think about how to explain this, how to explain... everything.
"Are you gonna ask me to leave", he says in a flat voice.
I shake my head, still trying to come up with words.
He steps back shakily and leans against the table on the side of the wall.
"Ok listen, I don't know how to explain this the right way so I'm just gonna start from the beginning and see how it goes", I say.
He looks confused but nods anyway.
I take a deep breath, feeling chills run over my skin as I remember the past.
"Dan and I have been best friends for as long as I can remember, I moved here in second grade and we have been inseparable since," I smile, remembering the good old days, before I realized all the shit that my best friend had to deal with at home, " I think I was about nine years old when I first started noticing things, like how often Dan would miss school, the fact that I had never met his parents or been invited over, despite Dan having met my parents and been over to my house countless times, I'm kinda mad that I didn't realize it sooner yet I doubt I could have even done anything," I laugh humorlessly, " That summer I invited him over and asked him if he wanted to go swim, he said yes but kept his shirt on, it was a long sleeve, which I thought was really weird so I asked him about it, he clammed up and made some excuse so I pestered him about it until I jokingly went over and tried to pull the shirt over his head. He panicked and yanked it down, but not before I saw the bruises and handprints covering his chest and arms. I froze, unsure what this meant while Dan scrambled out of the pool and left, making some excuse. By the time I realized that he was gone, it was too late and I couldn't stop him. He avoided my calls for weeks afterward and I started to panic, I went on the internet to try to get some answers about what I saw and as I'm sure you can guess, what I found shocked me." I had never been exposed to that kind of violence in my entire life, I didn't even know that people did things like that. I lift my head from where I was staring at my shoes to glance at Phil's face, he was staring off into the distance, his face whiter thank normal. I look back down.
"Yeah, I had the same reaction, I tried talking to him but he kept clamming up, he wouldn't let me help him, so I tried helping him in the only ways he would let me, I invited him over all the time so he wouldn't have to be alone and eventually I managed to convince him to let me spend the night, his parents reputations are very important to them, they wouldn't dare do anything to him while I was there, I spent all my time trying to make sure he wasn't alone around them, which even though he has never told me, I know he appreciated. Eventually as we got older, it started to get better, at least that's what I thought, turns out it wasn't the people that I spent all my time worrying about hurting him that ended up hurting him the most, it was himself."
I laugh bitterly, "Dan and I were both coming to terms with things, personal things, and we had different ways of dealing with it, I eventually accepted myself and am happy now, with Chris". I smile at the thought of my boyfriend. I'm going to need him after this.
I take a deep breath, "Dan has never accepted himself, and at this rate probably never will", I say sadly.
I run my hands through my hair, thinking about how to phrase this next part, I don't even know how I'm going to get through it myself. I've never said it out loud.
"When Dan was 14 years old, he got wasted, apparently he had been doing that a lot lately, not that I knew", I say bitterly. "He hadn't been returning my calls so I went over to his house without telling him and walked in on him cutting himself", I pause, the memories of that day blending with memories of the present. I can feel the emotion pouring off Phil, but I don't dare look at him, afraid whatever I see on his face will set me off and I won't be able to continue.
"He jumped when he saw me and the razor he was using slipped in his hand, cutting really deep into his wrist and blood started pouring out. I'll never forget his face when he saw me, I never expected to see such fear and depression focused on me, I never wanna see that look on his face ever again", I say, choking up, as I put my fists over my eyes. Phil still hasn't spoken. I don't know if he even can.
"I ran into the bathroom in his room, grabbing a washcloth as we tried to stop the bleeding, he wouldn't even look at me, he kept trying to push me away but he was drunk and couldn't do much. That's when I first noticed the scars that were layering his arms, apparently he had been doing this for a while... when the bleeding stopped I made him show me where his other razors are and I took all the ones he gave me, I doubt he gave me all of them, he still wouldn't even look at me or talk to me."
"Is this all of them?", I ask, holding 4 razors in my hands. "Yeah", he says, still not looking at me. "Dan", I say, stepping closer to him, he turns away, trying to stay out of my line of sight, rubbing at the bandages I wrapped around his arms. "Daniel", I say, grabbing his shoulder and forcing him to face me. He reluctantly turns towards me, eyes downcast, shrinking in on himself, trying to make himself invisible, "Dan", I say, my voice breaking as I reach out and grab him, crushing him to my chest and holding him close. He freezes, seeming surprised before he eventually wraps his arms around me as well and collapses against me.
I hold him up when he can't hold himself

"What happened after that", Phil says when I pause, his voice rough.
I keep my head in my hands, I can feel them shaking. I feel like I'm going to throw up.
I back up against the wall, leaning against the door as I slide down till I hit the floor and curl into myself.
"It was a couple months later", I say, my voice breaking as I try to force out the words, "that I found out why he started", I choke back a sob, "apparently, somehow, he had formed a friendship with one of his dads friends that comes over all the time, and he", my voice cuts off as I start hiccuping," he uh, he got Dan really drunk one night, and he must have slipped him something because he...", I start sobbing for real this time and I feel rather than see, Phil get up and walk over to me, sitting against the wall with me, our shoulders touching.
"He raped him..", I say in between sobs, "and apparently he had been doing it for months afterwards", I say through my sobs," he told Dan that if he told anyone, he would tell his father that Dan... wanted it and asked for it". I stop, needing a second as my whole body starts to shake.
"I couldn't even help him", I whisper, my voice far off and broken, "I had to watch him suffer through that because there was nothing I could do", I say, my sobs becoming violent as the memories assault me.
I can vaguely hear Phil talking to me, but the sound is background noise and I can't focus.
"I was 16 years old when everything changed, I think that was when Dan lost hope", I lift my head out of my hands, the tears in my eyes making it impossible for me to see.
"That was the first time he tried to kill himself", I say, my voice steady, I feel Phil freeze next me and hear his breath catch in his throat next to me. I can't even comfort him, I'm frozen, frozen in time, frozen back in that day.
"I was the one who found him, he had slit his wrists and was practically dead, I thought he was already dead", I say, my voice devoid of emotion, "I called an ambulance and they took him to the hospital, he didn't die, obviously.
However, while he was there, they did see all his old and new scars as well as the bruises from his father and his rapist", I say with a sneer.
"They kept him on suicide watch and tried to treat the other damaged areas on his body while he was passed out, this is when they, and the rest of his family, found out about the rapes, apparently there was severe bruising on his lower body as well as tearing...", I can't finish, it's like the words are stuck in my throat. "They realized really quickly what was happening and rushed to inform his family, of both the rape and the cutting, thinking that they would demand justice", a humorless laugh escapes me," His father was appalled, not necessarily at his friend, but at Dan, for supposedly encouraging his friend and being a faggot. His father completely shunned him after that, but naturally they had to keep up appearances so they told everyone that Dan got into a car accident", I say with hatred in my voice.
"They treat Dan like fucking shit", I say, my voice breaking as the tears start again, "His family, the ones who are supposed to love him unconditionally, encouraged him to commit suicide", I break off sobbing. "That's why Dan can't accept himself, all the memories he's got with liking men have been tainted by either his parents or his rapist", I say, my voice layered with a deep sadness.
"It's a vicious cycle with him, one that will only end when he finally succeeds in killing himself."