Boy With The Cinderblock Garden (Luke Hemmings AU/Fanfiction)

Part 1: 9

luke's pov

After hanging out at Liana's house with the boys and her friends, I was starting to realize how much I actually did like Liana. My friends liked her and they all seemed to get along with her friends too. It was a little awkward at first, but shortly after, we all warmed up to each other and had fun. I love hanging out with her and I think the guys could see that. Ashton kept begging me to admit that I like her. He knew that I was struggling with letting myself like anyone in that way. Out of all the guys, he knew and understood the most what I went through last year and how it affected me. He told me I just have to take a risk and not be afraid of liking or being with her because the same thing will never happen again. I try to listen to him, but I don't know if I can. How am I supposed to believe that all it is is liking a girl and nothing bad can happen this time? Nothing ever works out the way you want it to.

I was hanging out with just the band at my house today, but they were still talking about Liana and her friends.

"That girl Kennedy is great. She's sarcastic and funny but like low key shy and super smart at the same time. And I already knew she was pretty from passing by her in school, but damn. She said she's in a band too!"

"Do you like her?" I asked, turning the tables on him.

Michael blushed and said, "Ha, no. She's just pretty cool." He paused. "Do you like Liana?" He asked again, turning the tables back.

I looked away and anxiously scratched my head. "Eh- I- I can't, um, I don't know." I stuttered and huffed.

"C'mon Luke. You know we see it." Calum pleaded.

Ashton gave me a look as to say, 'Remember what we talked about. It's okay.'

"Fine!" I shouted. "Maybe I do. I'm just not ready to date again!"

"No one said you had to date her. You can still like her and hang out with her though." Michael said, while laughing a little, not realizing that they were making me emotional.

"Just don't pressure me to do something I don't want to or force me to like someone!" I huffed.

"Luke-" Calum started as he placed his hand on my shoulder, trying to calm me down.

Ashton interrupted Calum. Or, more like, finished his sentence. "We're not trying to force you into anything. It's just not healthy to have feelings that you don't realize or admit. I just don't want you hurting yourself."

"Sorry, but I'll figure this out on my own." I said, much quieter than I was talking before, while walking into a different room so I could be alone.

As I was sitting on the couch with my head down and sulking, my American host mom walked by me and noticed that I looked troubled.

"Luke, you okay? Did your friends do something to upset you?" She asked, concerned.

I shook my head and took a deep breath in. "No, it's okay. It's just me. It's not their fault. I'll be fine in a minute."

"Okay, are you sure? Just tell me if you need anything. I can call Liz if you want."

"No but thank you." I faked a smile. I don't think calling anyone right now, even my mom, would help. I sat there for a while and tried reflecting. Why were emotions such a burden? Sometimes i wish I couldn't feel at all. Isn't liking someone supposed to be a good feeling? How come it just makes me feel worse?

After a few minutes, Ashton came in here too and sat next to me. "C'mon Luke. We're waiting for you. You can come back in the lounge room with us. We promise we won't bring up Liana again."

"Okay, thanks."

"C'mere." Ashton said, and gave me a quick hug. "Just remember, if you feel a certain way, you have to act on it in at least some way or else it's gonna drive you mad."

"Really?" I said sarcastically. "Says the one who's dating a girl he doesn't even like!?"

Ash looked mad. "Now you know that's totally different!" He defended himself.

"Not that much." I said, matter of factly.

Ashton sighed. "Okay, whatever. I suck at everything too. Just don't take out your emotions on me. Let's go hang out with the guys and have fun."

"Fine." I said, and we walked back into the room where Calum and Michael were.