Think Don't Speak (BOOK ONE)

C H A P T E R 14

I woke up to an empty bed, the boys must already be up and at em. I let out a groan and flopped out of my bed as I heard yells coming from the lounge just down the hall. Were they really having an argument right now? What time was it anyways? I checked my phone that was on the floor just beside me, 8:23am. Did I really wake up this early for once? This shocked me but I ended up dragging myself out and into the hallway in search for food. "I swear to god Tyler, dont you f**king dare..." I had never heard such language coming from Ollie so I inched as slowly as I could out of the hallway and targeting into the kitchen. Ollie turned his attention towards me for a second and then at the floor with his palm on his forehead in disappointment. Was there something I had done? Tyler turned to me but then quickly left the room in anger and stormed into his room. I awkwardly poured myself some cereal and ate slowing looking only at my spoon or at the cereal in my bowl but could feel Ollie burning holes into the sides of my head with his stares.

I just ignored him and cleaned up my bowl, walking back to my room while I heard Ollie's footsteps follow. I stepped into my room not bothering to shut the door just in case Ollie wants in and slumped over to my desk. I wasn't sure what I was doing but I just stared at the blank and empty table that kept most of my memories. I felt my fingers open a small jewelry box that was on my white desk and dig around inside until I found a small key. I pulled the key out and shut the jewelry box, I hovered the key to another small but bigger than the other box, box. It was red black and green, my favorite colors and shade that I had painted on when my grandmother had gave me the box to kept my memories in and away from my younger siblings back then. I asked for Access into the box with the key as it made a small click letting me know that I could take a peek inside. It had been a while since I had seen what I had last out in this box, the last time I had put anything in here was back in high school when I started having worse anxiety attacks. So my therapist told me to put my happy thoughts into a box and keep them safe. But then I had asked her something else, were I should put my bad thoughts at. She never answered me probably because she didn't hear me, it was no surprise if it was, since I had such a quiet and shaken voice, I still do. So I had put both of my happy and bad thoughts into one box. It's called my 'Life' box.

I picked up the first thing that I saw inside, it was love letter from my ex boyfriend back when we had been dating, his birthday was on valentine's day so I had to get him something special. Well I didn't give him anything, I was planning on giving him a kiss for the first time. I know I sound childish but I was never good with relationships. That's when I heard a rumor go around that day about us. I ignored it until my 'wing girl' also known as Ronny told me the news in choir. She told me he was planning on breaking up with me because he had found out I had hurt my self and had 'problems' also known as anxiety. I felt my heart shatter and came home breaking into tears from everything that had been building it's self up that day. Turning my attention back to reality, That's when I reached a small little note book that had a sweet and innocent hand writing on the front saying 'Sara Keeli, 2Ø13' I didn't bother to look inside until I was done with looking at the rest of my stuff.

The last few things were mostly photos of old 'friends' or places I've been to in the past and many good and bad memories. The last item didn't surprise me but still made my emotional side come out, it was a blade. I know I know what your thinking, your either thinking, 'Wow what a freak, cutting isn't the way through life moron.' or you might be thinking, 'Same or I'm sorry to hear that.' I have been currently clean for 2 months and 28 days, hopefully counting. Its hard sometimes, once you start it's hard to stop, kinda like coffee or drugs. I held the razor in my fingers feeling how sharp it was, it was actually pretty dull but perfect for somebody who cuts, I would never show anybody what was in my box. I carefully placed all the items back were I found them and locked the box up, hiding the key in the same spot as I usually did. I let out a yawn from having no coffee but felt to lazy to go make myself some, so instead I laid back on my bed, sprawled out, breathing became heavy and slower, tired but awake, sad but calm, addicted to music I couldn't resist sitting in my room with nothing to distract me from my memories or thoughts.

My phone was to far away off of the bed and my earbuds were in the kitchen. So I just hummed what ever song was still stuck in my head, soon enough I found myself sitting up with my hands and feet tapping to the beat as my humming became louder and louder but not to loud. I felt my lips move, sound came out of them, singing every word I knew was correct I heard a knock come from the door of my bedroom, my face went red.