It's Complicated

Chapter 4: Life's A Beach

Being alone with Daniel felt unreal. Was I really doing this right now? Did I really lie to my best friend & sister because of a guy? I was. I did. He's worth it though. I know things seem to be moving fast, but no one understands how I feel. I feel so ecstatic when I'm with him. My heart keeps beating so fast & my palms are sweaty, my stomach is full of butterflies. I could maybe even picture myself marrying him.

We drive around town looking at houses & deciding what we want to do. He glares over at, he gives a look of reassurance. As if I'm the one for him & he's the one for me.

"So where do you wanna go Gracie?"

No one in my entire life has called me Gracie or even Grace, well you know unless it's about gymnastics & the fact that I'm uncoordinated. It was weird, but I liked it. In fact I enjoyed that he didn't call me Annie, it was kind of like his own little nickname for me.

"Hope you don't mind me calling you Gracie, it just felt right, ya know?" His smile literally could light up a whole down that was full of darkness. "I was thinking we could hit the beach, but get some frozen yogurt first! We could pick up a late lunch too!"

"That honestly sounds so great. I was starting to get hungry. I don't mind you calling me Gracie either, I think it's kind of cute if we're being honest."

It's so nice to hang out with someone & not have to worry about anyone else. I loved that it was just us. I could really just be myself. I seriously didn't have a care in the world right now.

We see a Menchies (which happens to be my favorite fro-yo place) & get our yummy treats. Daniel's was a basic vanilla flavor with strawberries and cheesecake crumbles. I like my extraordinary so I got double fudge chocolate with cookie dough, brownie bits, Snickers bits & peanut butter chunks. Daniel saw my cup & laughed,
"Where do you put all that food away? You're such a tiny little thing!"

Naturally I laughed & told him "oh you, stop that" but subconsciously it just reminded me of my eating disorder. I struggled with anorexia after I reached level 8. I always knew the smaller gymnasts flipped better & even though I did good at bars, I wanted to be great. It started off as a small diet, then progressed into running a few miles a day, so forth & so on. It really just spiraled out of control, I began to act & look different, I loved it. Everyone also mentioned how toned I looked & how slim I was getting. I finally felt great in my body! It lasted for a while. That is until I fell at my 7th level 8 meet of the year. I hadn't eaten for 3 days, I was on an adrenaline high. As I went to throw my backhand spring, back tuck layout dismount I fell off the beam & sprained my neck. I was out for 11 weeks, I was miserable.

I couldn't do gymnastics because of my injury so I was gaining my weight back. It killed me inside. I began restricting myself & running, Caleb noticed it. He noticed my changing in everything. He was so worried. I always knew I had a problem, but it wasn't until I began losing my hair that I knew I needed help. I told my mom & dad, I went to rehab 4 hours later.

I was gone for a year. I missed transitioning to level 9, my friends 12th birthday party, holidays, I missed so much. I repeated level 8, eventually moved to level 9, began a healthy diet & got my life back. It was the hardest year of my life.

It's been 3 years since then & I eat what I want, whenever I want. I workout in moderation, but I'm good. I know he didn't mean anything by it, but it was just a triggered memory.

Daniel chooses where we get lunch from. I secretly wish we'd get Chili's-To-Go, but we didn't we got some Chinese takeout. It's funny, I never cared for Chinese food until recently, it's like he knew exactly who I was.

We drive to the beach, it's so pretty out for a cold January day. The seagulls are flying around, the waves are crashing. No ones on the beach, why would they be? It's freezing out! We park with the bed of the truck towards the water. He had everything planned! He had a matress for us to lay on & blankets to stay warm.

We sit on the truck, snuggled in blankets as we eat, the birds began to swarm us. I got scared & yelled, I accidentally dropped my fro-yo on us. The birds fly down, ready to attack I instantly run towards the water. Bad idea, it's freezing & I don't have any clothes to change into! I begin to run into the water & stop in instant shock, the water was so cold, my body went numb. Daniel ran after me with blankets to get me warm. He carried me back to the truck, turned on the heat & made sure I was okay.

It was scary, I didn't feel in control of my body. I began to cry, which turned into a hysterical cry & a panic attack. I hadn't had once since I level 9 nationals. Daniel began to worry, I could see it in his face.

"Julianna, calm down. I'm right here, you're gonna be fine. I promise, I won't let anything bad happen to you! Deep breaths, focus on me!"

The feeling in my body came back & I was finally able to calm somewhat down. Where the hell did this come from? Why was I freaking out!? It was weird, why me? Why now?

I sat there, upset & embarrassed, I can't believe this happened to me.

"Why so glum? You're fine now aren't you?"

"Well yeah, but I'm so embarrassed. I didn't mean to just have a freak out on you."

"I know you didn't, you're fine Gracie. You're alright, everything is okay. The water freaked you out, it's normal. It's freezing water! I would've been more weirded out if you hadn't freaked out!"

I laugh. He knew exactly how to make light of things.

"You're right. I'm sorry for being a goof. I've just never been on a real date before."

I don't know if he was surprised or weirded out, but he looked at me with a face of confusion.

"How is it that a pretty girl like you had never been on a date? You're a showstopper! Any guy would be lucky to have you! Even if it were just for a moment."

He grabbed my hand.

"Aw, thank you. Boys never seemed to be interested in me & I was never interested either. It wasn't ever a big deal to me. I only regret the fact that I've never had a kiss either."

I felt so embarrassed. My face got flushed,my stomach was full of butterflies. Word vomit. Why did I tell him that? I'm such a noob!

"Sorry, that came out like w-"

Time stood still, was this really happening? He grabs my face & leans in. I stare at his lips, they're luscious & a pinky red color. They're soft against mine. I'm in shock again, but it was different this time. I felt overjoyed as we pulled away from each other.

"Well, now you can't say you've never been kissed. You're pretty great at it by the way."

& just like that, I'd had my first kiss. I feel different now. A good different, he makes me happy. I'm finally happy, nothing can bring me down!

Daniel kisses me again, I wish it'd never stop.

*bzz, bzz* Mom texts me:
Julianna Grace! Where are you!? Your sister & Sydney are here, you're not! TEXT BACK!