It's Complicated

Chapter 23: Emotions

~ This chapter was written by clichevloggers ~

When Dan & I return to their house, I walk upstairs to my room to work on school. I decide that it's probably a good idea to get ahead, just I case I get thrown for another loop in this crazy roller coaster of a life that I'm living right now. In passing, I see Arabella's room. I miss her & I never even got to meet her. A feeling of sadness runs over my body. I grab my school bag & walk into her room.

I situate myself on the floor, on top of the pink fuzzy rug in the center of the room. Just being in here makes me feel a little bit better. She reminds me of my brother a lot. I know he's taking care of her up there, but I wish things could be different.

I wish they could both be here right now. Caleb would know exactly how to comfort me & help me in this crazy situation that I ended up in the middle of. And Arabella, well, if she were here, Kim & Dan wouldn't be so upset. Tears fill my eyes when I think of Kim. She's so incredibly strong. I don't know how she does it. She's going through so much on her own & still she goes out of her way to make everyone around her smile & feel loved. If I hadn't found Kim in the midst of all of this, I don't know what I would've done.

Before I even get the chance to get all of my school stuff out of my bag, I hear the front door open.
"Hey babe I'm home!" I hear Kim say.
Suddenly I feel a strong urge to tell her everything that happened today. I feel like she should know. She deserves to know everything.

I hesitantly stack my books in a neat pile & then turn my computer off. I pull myself off of the pink rug & drag myself down the stairs. I find Kim sitting on the couch playing on her iPad.

"Hey Annabelle!" She says when I walk into the room. My eyes fill with tears when I hear her call me Annabelle. I realize how similar that sounds to her daughters name. I think I'm starting to piece everything together.

"Hey Kim," I say quietly, trying to hide my tears from her. I grab a blanket & curl up next to her, pulling the blanket over my face.

"Honey, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Of course she knows. I can't hide anything from her. She uncovers my face & scoots closer to me. I pick my head up & lay it in her lap. When our eyes meet, I see hers start to water. I'm making her cry already & I haven't even said anything yet.

"I.. I got to meet Arabella today.."

"What? Annie what are you talking about?" Clearly she didn't understand what I meant.

"Dan... He took me to the cemetery. I got to meet her. Clearly it's not the way I would've liked, but I got to meet her nonetheless..." I feel Kim start to shake and I can't even bare to look her in the eyes. I sit up and wrap her into a hug. I hate seeing her so hurt, especially when I'm the one who's hurting her. But she needs to know. "Kim.. Please don't cry." She doesn't respond, but cries harder.

I decide to continue my story. "I wanted him to. I wanted to meet her. I sat and talked to her. I explained to her how much you love her and miss her. I told her all about how important you are to me. She loves you too, I could tell... I told her to watch over you and I know she will."

"Annie.."
"Kim, what's wrong. You've gotta tell me!"
"I miss her. I miss her so much. How am I supposed to do this? I miss my baby girl so much." I've never seen Kim this hurt. She pulls me onto her lap.
"It was beautiful. So beautiful. I felt so much peace just talking to her. one day you'll see her again. One day I'll get to meet her for real. We will all be together again. I promise." I break down. I knew this would be hard to tell her, but I didn't realize it would be this hard. I don't mean to hurt Kim so badly. I can't stand to see her like this. I wrap my arms around her again. I never want to let her go. She's done so much for me & there's no way I'll ever be able to repay her for it. "I love you mama Kim. I love you so much."