It's Complicated

Chapter 46: Humble Abode

I can't stand hiding my relationship anymore. I can't stand hiding the fact that I'm actually happy for once, I just want to share it with the world! I've just gotten to the point that I don't care anymore. I know I should tell my parents first, but they don't seem to care about anything I do lately. Besides, this is about me not them, why should I spare their feelings when they don't spare mine? I knew exactly how I wanted everyone to find out I was in a relationship!

"Hey babe, do you mind if I post this picture of us on Instagram? You can't really see either one of us, but it's cute!" Daniel kisses my forehead & gives his approval & then leaves the room. It wasn't your typical couple picture but you could definitely tell it was me & a guy, I captioned the photo with "You're all that matters to me!" Almost instantly my photo becomes flooded with questions & assumptions. But you know how that goes, most people assume it's Brennan & even though it's not, they'll refuse to acknowledge the truth. The comments are ridiculous & actually begin to make me laugh with all the assuming they're doing:

• That's definitely Brennan!
• Brennan actually dates her?
• I heard this guy was like 24! Weird!
• So NOT Brennan!
• Such a cute pic!
• IDC, #Brannie4Life
• Yay! We're happy for you Annie!

Although I'm used to it, it's still has its ups & downs. Most of the time my social media is full of hate, I try not to pay attention but sometimes it's just too hard. Some days it just gets under your skin & there's nothing you can do about it but walk away from it. I go outside to get some fresh air when I notice Daniel sitting at the end of the dock. I walk over & sit myself next to him, forcing my way into his arms.

"What's wrong, Julianna?" He asks as he repositions his arms around me. Truthfully, I want to let it all out but I don't want to deal with the emotional mess that comes with the way I'm feeling. I fight back my tears & kiss his neck, "Nothing babe!" He doesn't suspect anything, or at least I don't think he does. I give a half-assed smile & lay my head on him. "Hey, so I'm thinking of inviting the crew over for a river house night. I was gonna invite everyone, sound good?"

I almost instantly felt my upper lip begin to sweat. I gulp, "Everyone?" He looks at me & raises an eyebrow, "Yeah, everyone. Including Brennan, I mean I can't dismiss the fact that he's with Addison. He makes her happy, I've gotta at least try for her." Boom. My heart falls straight to my ass & I immediately want to burst into tears. He's trying to play nice with Brennan, for Addison. As if that didn't make me feel shitty enough. I fight back my tears & solemnly nod my head. "Awesome, I'll text everyone now."

The message reads:
Hey dudes, Julianna & I are at the river house if you wanna swing by. I'm gonna pick up some drinks for us all, so you're more than welcomed to stay the night too!

I know deep down this isn't a good plan, but I can't stop him. If I try to put an end to this, I'll seem like I'm unsupportive. I just want him happy, but I wanna be happy too. After Daniel sends out the group text, I stand up & begin walking back to the house. "Where you going, Jules?" I turn around & begin walking backwards, "Gonna clean the inside of the house & shower. Go do what you have to babe! Be safe, I love you!" He throws his hand up at me, I turn back around & begin running straight into the house.

I begin to hyperventilate, not because of the thought of the gathering but because I now know that Daniel kind of places Addison before me.. Don't get me wrong, I get it, he's known Addy for years, but I'm his girlfriend. She's been his best friend since primary school & if I didn't know any better, I'd assume they were a couple. I try not to think about it, but it only intensifies. I look for the flattest object possible so I can press my hands against it & find relief in a small sign that reads: home is where the heart is. I grab it off the wall & throw it down, home isn't where the heart is. I splash my face with cold water, trying begin to find my composure. I take a deep breath & stare at myself in the mirror.

I don't feel like myself anymore. I think I'm happy, but I don't know if it's true happiness. I know I love Daniel, but is that enough? There's so many things I wish I could fix, but I can't & I think that's what keeps me from feeling happy. I wish my parents would be fine. I wish Hayley weren't such a demon child. I wish Kim & Dan had never left me. I wish Caleb were still here too. Life is unfair & always finds a way to keep you down. I look away from the mirror & leave the restroom, there's so many things that to be done before everyone arrives.

I begin to clean up around the house, there isn't much to do but I need the rest of this weekend to go over as smoothly as possible. I run around the house from room to room tidying anything that may be out of place. I head into what I assume is Daniel's bedroom & being to fix anything that's out of place. While I'm in there, I notice this huge bookshelf he has up against his wall. Being an avid reader, I look through his books & stumble across photo albums from the last few years. I grab one that's dated as 2015. I sit down on the floor & being to open the album as I'm curious as to what's inside.

As soon as I open it up, there are pictures of Daniel & a girl. Not just any girl though, it's Liv. It kind of stuns me, you know? I mean I expected to see photos of him & girls, but not her, not Liv. Just seeing her standing next to him sends me into a whirlwind of unsettling emotions. A few tears drop onto the photo album, I hadn't realized I was in tears. I close the book, pick myself up off the ground & put the book back on the shelf.

As I leave the bedroom I wipe my tears & make my way into the master bedroom where Daniel & I would be staying in. I rummage through my bags & find a swimsuit to put on with some blue jean shorts to cover up until we get into the water. As I finished getting dressed the there's a knock on the front door. I run to the door, open it & it's all our guests standing right in front of me, Brennan included. I take a deep breath, "Welcome, welcome my friends. This is my humble abode, my husband shall return soon with beverages & other goodies!" We laugh & make small talk with each other, eventually making our way to the living room couches to sit down.

Almost 5 minutes later, Daniel kicks open the front door & makes his way in with a wagon full of alcohol & food. Everyone is amazed with how much stuff he brought home, honestly I was more worried about the guys wanting to finish all the alcohol. As our friends cheered him on, Daniel grabs a bottle a bottle of Maker's Mark, a spiced rum & begins to walk towards us. He sets the bottle down on the coffee table & makes his way to a small China cabinet & pulls out 8 shot glasses. Everyone begins to talk & prepare themselves, being that it's obvious Daniel wants us to take a group shot. He begins to push shot glasses towards us & we all grab one. He raises his glass & says,  "Now, let's get this party started! On the count of three, we do it. One! Two! Three!" We slam down the shots & I can feel the liquor burning my throat. I shake my head & mumble under my breath, "This should be interesting!"