It's Complicated

Chapter 24: A Lot You Don't Know

Last night was rough, well emotional, let's fast forward 12 hours & it's a new day. I'm sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast waiting to leave to the gym with Kim. Today I'll see my mom, it feels like it's been forever, we're supposed to have lunch & spend the rest of the day together. I'm excited & nervous, so nervcited. I miss my mom don't get me wrong, but I don't want to deal with the drama, I can't.

Kim comes down from her room & of course get mad at me for being on my phone during breakfast. "Annabelle!" she yells at me while smiling. "Hurry & put your dishes in the sink, we've got to get to practice early. I need to talk to some gym parents today! So let's hurry!" I'm kind of puzzled, why does she need to talk to gym parents? I don't think much of it, but I go & put away my dishes & we make our way out the door.

The ride to the gym was good, we listened to the radio & sang out loud. I love moments like this, moments with Kim. I never thought I'd be living with my coach for a while, let alone sitting in her car on the way to practice. Things happened, but I honestly wouldn't trade it for the world. Things were pretty good, or at least they were getting better & that's good enough for me.

Once we pull into the parking lot, Kim gets off & tells me to wait in her office for my mom, I kind of can't wait to see her. I walk into the office & find Mare eating a smoothie bowl from Jamba Juice. "Hey, smells pretty nice in here!" I say jokingly. Mare has a mouthful of food & clearly didn't hear me walk in as she tries to say "hi" with a mouth full. I laughed, she made a mess & spilled food onto her desk.

"Well I'm quite a mess today, but honestly this smoothie bowl has helped a bit!"
I furrow my brows, what does she mean by that? "Well what do you mean?" She chews the food that still her mouth & proceeds to get up & close the office door. She sits back into her chair & begins to swirl her fruit within her smoothie bowl. She has a serious look on her face, I can tell she wants to say something but isn't too sure.

"You're the only other person to know besides Kim, I honestly don't even know what to say." She instantly becomes reserved. She wants to say it but at the same time she doesn't. She takes a deep breath & runs her hands through her hair. "Agh!" She says before finally building up the courage to tell me what she needs to say. "I'm pregnant!" Her face says it all. I already knew but she clearly didn't want to keep her baby.

"Yeah, I know!" Shit! Did that slip out? I really need to stop thinking out loud. "I mean, I thought you were. You know? You seemed to be fatigued lately?" I'm trying to save my ass, but really trying to save Kim's. I don't think she was supposed to tell me that Mare was pregnant. She looks furious, kind of hurt even.

Before she could even get a word in Coach Luke calls all homeschool gymnasts onto the floor to begin practice. It's his day to lead & I couldn't be more relieved. Thank goodness I don't have to deal with Mary or Kim for a while. I just have to get through morning practice & then it's lunch with my mom, afternoon practice & then going home to visit my family for the night! It's been far too long since I've seen them all; I'm so nervcited!

*STORY IS NOW IN KIM'S POV*

Being at work is kind of weird if we're being honest. It's been a couple days & my life has literally been turned upside once too many times this week. First I find out my best friend is pregnant & doesn't want her kid & now my precious Annie found out about my baby. Don't get me wrong, I knew Arabella would come up eventually, I just didn't think it'd be so soon. Part of me is thankful for Annie being nosey, but I also hated it, I knew I couldn't keep lying & hiding it.

Annie & I are now at the gym, she's waiting on Katie as she hasn't seen her in a bit. It's cute to see her excited, I missed seeing her like this. We part ways & I find some parents who are trying to schedule last minute privates before the state meet next weekend. Things are hectic & the atmosphere is full of focused little gymnasts. I can picture myself doing the same thing around their age. God what I'd do to be a child again.

I'm finally done scheduling privates & I make my way into the pro shop to say hi to fellow coworkers & parents coming in. I see Katie & Hayley looking for Annie. I run up to her & yell "Hey stranger! Lookin' pretty good!" Katie recently started wearing makeup on a daily basis & my god, that woman is killing the game! We laugh & chitchat for a bit. "She's excited to see y'all & spend the night! She misses you all like crazy!" Katie's eyes become full of tears, she sort of falls into my shoulder. "I'm trying so hard, I am. It isn't easy." It kills me to hear her say this. "I know. I know. But you're trying, that's all she really wants." I squeeze her into a hug. She shakes her head & wipes her tears. We say our goodbyes & they make their way into the viewing room while I walk back to my office.

The office door is cracked open, I can hear a muffled cry. I know it isn't any of the girls as they're all practicing with Luke. I lightly knock on the door, no one responds back so I enter with caution. I see that it's Mare, sitting at her desk as she cries covering her face. I walk towards her & sit in the chair across her.

"What's wrong?" I ask. I see her lift her face out of her hands. "Are you serious right now Kimberly?" Oh shit, what have I done? No one ever calls me Kimberly unless I've fucked up royally. I shrug, I really don't know what I did. She scoffs, "I can't believe you told Annie I was pregnant." I can feel my face get flushed, I totally forgot I told her. I've been so emotional lately I don't even know what I'm saying half the time.

"I'm sorry Mare! I didn't—" She raises her hand & cuts me off. "No! That isn't going to work! There's no excuses as to why you told someone! There's no reason! I trusted you Kim, I trusted you!" She breaks down into a hysterical cry. "I'm sorry! I really am." I begin to cry, I didn't realize she'd be this mad at me. "Things are just so hectic right now. I'm emotional & I honestly forget what I'm saying sometimes!"

She squints her eyes at me & looks at me with disgust. "You can't be serious right now? Your life is fine yet here mine is crumbling apart & you wanna say you're dealing with worse things? I can't fucking believe you!" She doesn't know about Arabella, I don't know if I want her to know. I wanted to tell her today, but it's not the right time. "I don't want to do this anymore. I can't have this kid & raise it on my own."

I can't believe the things that are coming from her mouth. "That's selfish of you Mary, you know that." She looks back at me with a scowl. "What's that supposed to mean?" I swallow the lump in my throat. "It's selfish of you to not want that baby. Do you know how many other people would kill to have that kid? Lots of people Mary! Why can't you just have your kid & give it up for adoption or even keep it? You're more than capable!" Her eyes welt up with tears, her face is flushed. "You can't be serious?" Tears begin to rapidly steam down her face.

"I can't raise this kid. I don't want to raise this kid. I don't want to go on with my life knowing that I have a kid out there somewhere who doesn't know me. I can't raise a kid knowing that the person who got me pregnant couldn't give two shits about me or this kid. I can't do that to this kid, I can't do that to myself! I can't & I refuse to! You act like you know what I'm going through, but you don't know the half of it Kim. You lead such a great life, nothing ever goes wrong!" She buries her face back into her hands & softly cries.

I hang my head low & shake it. I know she's just upset & I know she doesn't know my whole story. I want her to know, but I can't bring myself to tell her.
"You're right Mary. I don't know what you're going through, I don't but I've gone through helluva lot worse than this. So let's not play the game of  'who's life sucks more' cause I'd sure as hell best you!" It all came out like word vomit. I couldn't stop myself once my mouth opened.

She drops her hands down from her face. She looks confused & bothered. "What the hell does that mean?" I immediately regret saying anything. "There's a lot you don't know Mare.." I guess now's the time I tell her about my life before 1st Class.