It's Complicated

Chapter 55: They Really Do Care

*Annie's POV*

Time stands still. I'm laying in my bed repeating that night my head over & over again. I can't shake it. The moment I close my eyes it all comes rushing back to me as if it's happening real time. I haven't slept, I've barely eaten, I have no energy for nothing. Deep down, I know everyone is trying to help but I can't help but be upset over the fact that it took so long. I'm hurt in so many ways by them all.

I'm hurt that Kim & Dan left when I needed them the most. I basically begged them not to go, but they did. Each call, each text, I needed them but they didn't care. I tried to tell them so many times, but they never wanted to listen. I'm incredibly hurt by Mary too. She saw it all unraveling. There were countless times she would see me leaving, but never questioned me. There were so many signs that I needed her help, so many signs I tried to give her. But it didn't matter, it didn't matter to any of them. Mary was only worried about Mary, Kim & Dan were only worried Kim & Dan.. & me? I was left alone to deal with it by myself.

"Annie, hello? Annie? Are you listening to me?" I can hear Brennan faintly talking to me. "Annie, snap out of it!" He snaps his fingers & I'm back to reality. I try to shake it off, "yeah, what's up? Sorry Brennan!" I say back. I look over to my couch & see him sitting there fidgeting with his hands as he looks at me. "You know, you can come lay on my bed if you want." His head shoots up & his eyes beam with slightest bit of happiness. "Yeah, alright!" He then makes his way to my bed, making sure to lay on top of my blankets. He crosses his arms over his chest, staring at the ceiling while I lay on my left side, staring out the window.

"You can't stay mad at them forever, you know. They really do care about you. I mean, why else would they fly out almost immediately after getting the news?" Brennan says in a low-mannered, timid voice.

I sigh in annoyance. I get that he's trying to help, but he has no idea. "That's not the point Brennan. That's never been the reason why I'm so upset. I know they care.. now. They care now & that's my issue with it all. They didn't care in the moment. They didn't care when it happened."

"You can't, you can't act like that. They had no idea Annie!"

"Brennan, stop! They knew! They knew the issues I had with Daniel before they left, they knew. I mean, for fuckssake, Dan punched him out! Kim cried with me for days, Mary too! They knew, they all did!"

"But maybe —"

"But maybe what Bren? I'm so sick & tired of people only caring when things are too late & too far gone. You don't know what I went through those nights. You don't know how many times I cried myself to sleep or cried in the shower because the pain of being shoved around was too much. You don't get to tell me how I should act towards them because you don't know the whole story!"

Brennan screams & jumps out of bed. He walks over to where I'm laying & sticks his hand out. "Come on, grab my hand." I become hesitant & I stare at his hand. "Grab it Annie, now!" He demands. I reluctantly grab his hand, he pulls me out of bed. He grabs me by the shoulders & walks me over to my desk before helping me to my seat. He sits right besides me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"You see that man out there on the dock?That's Dan. I can tell you, that man loves you like you're his own. I ran into him today at the store & he was so upset, I just wanted to hug him. He's broken Annie. He doesn't know what to feel or how to fix it. He's beating himself up over not being here for you, it's killing him. He just wants to make sure you're okay. He's terrified & scared shitless." My eyes are full of tears & I can't control them from rolling off my face & into my lap.

He then gives me his hand again, this time bringing me out of my room & into the loft area upstairs. We lean against then rail, "You see those women sitting with our moms? They care just as much too! Okay, so maybe they weren't here when you needed them the most but they're here now. You know they love you. You know they care about you. They'd seriously do anything for you!" We turn around as he grabs me by the shoulders, internally I wince as an instinct.

"Be mad at them, go for it. But let them help you. They want to help, they're here to help you Annie. It's never too late, not now. This is just the beginning. You're gonna need them now more than ever, let them in. Let them help you."

I can't help but feel a million emotions at once. I'm both overwhelmed & underwhelmed. Everything he's said is true & valid, but I really don't think I can do it. I don't think I can just sweep it all under the rug & pretend that things are fine when they're not. I'm still so hurt & I don't even know where to begin on expressing it all without it coming out the wrong way.

"Dan's a good guy you know. He's.. he's like a second father to me. After Caleb passed, I lost that connection with my own dad. It was like I lost him too. He lost those emotional bonds with us, he became someone I didn't recognize. Between the marital issues & his drinking, things just weren't the same. But Dan.. Dan helped me so much, you know? When I stayed with them, we got close. We share such an amazing emotional bond. We were able to confide into each other, we were there for one another. I don't know what I'd do without him now. Sure, things are okay with my dad now, but I'll forever be grateful towards Dan. There's so many things I wish I could tell you, but it isn't my place. But you're right Brennan, I need to let them in, I need to let him in." I wipe the tears off my face & begin to walk towards the dock.

As I reach the patio my mom, Jill, Kim & Mary all stare at me as Brennan follows me outside. He stays on the deck with them as I continue to walk towards Dan. My heart is racing, my palms are sweating. I take a deep breath in & out, I tap on his shoulder. "It's me." I whisper. He turns his head back & instantly begins to cry, I can't hold it in any longer. He jumps up & grabs me in his arms. He squeezes me hard as we both cry into each other's arms. I can't stop the hysterical crying, but this feels right. He continues to squeeze me & swings me around, as I can hear squealing coming from the patio. He puts me down in front of him, I stand there face to face towards him & he breaks down all over again.

He touches my face & shoulders, looking at the bruises & marks in disgust. He covers his mouth in disbelief before pulling me back in for more hugs. I hold onto him tightly. He squeezes me back & rests his head upon mine. We sway back & forth, "It's okay now Annabelle. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." I feel myself collapse into him. I'm so drained & exhausted that this all seriously drained my body of any energy I had left. "Whoa there, it's okay. Let's go back inside." He says as he holds me up & wipes the tears off my face.

He holds me close to him & we begin to walk towards the house. I still have my arms wrapped around him, as I need guidance walking. I kept my head down as we walked. Unbeknownst to me, Kim was running towards us. I lifted my head & there she was. She rips me out of Dan's arms & grip, "My baby, my baby! I'm glad you're okay!" She says as she kisses the top of my head. Part of me wants to pull away & run, the other half of me wants to fall into her arms. I begin to wobble, Dan quickly grabs onto me again. Kim takes a good look at me & begins to bawl, "I'm so sorry babe! I'm so, so, so sorry!" She becomes hysterical & in a matter of seconds it was no longer about me, it was about Kim.

I hug her, deep down I'm annoyed. I'm trying my best to look past it all, but I can't help it that once again she's made it about herself. I remember now why I was mad in the first place. It wasn't because she didn't care, it really wasn't. Or so at least I don't it was. But what upset me the most, what still upsets me is how quickly she forgets about me & makes it about herself. I begin to fill my blood boil & my whole body gets hot. I can hear her talking & pleading, saying a million I'm sorry's but I can't even hear her. My heart is full of hurt & rage now more than ever.