It's Complicated

Chapter 11: Lying Games

It's now two in the morning & I lay in bed next to Daniel & I feel terrible. I feel like I've lost myself & all that I used to stand for. I look back on the person I once was & I begin to realize I've become someone I no longer know. I was lashing out on Sydney, lying to my friends & making irrational decisions just for the heck of it. This wasn't okay, none of this was. My stomach is upset & I feel like I owe so many people apologies, but I don't even know where to begin. I know I need to be honest about my lies before it eats me alive, but I don't think I'm ready to admit that I let one boy changed who I was entirely.

I can hear Daniel roll over, he throws his arm on me. Usually I'd be happy, but I'm not. I feel like he kind of took advantage & that's more upsetting to me than anything else. My back is facing him, as he gets my hair out of my face he tells me he's going to shower. I quickly ask if he could drop me off at Katie's because I promised her I'd be there for breakfast, he agreed. I just wanted to be home, somewhere safe. Katie's house was the next best thing.

Daniel gets into the shower, I can hear the water running. My heart is racing, I feel so nauseous. I look at my phone & begin to text Syd:
I'm sorry about everything, you were right.

Although I was wrong about Daniel, I don't want Syd to have the satisfaction of being right. I delete my message & begin checking my Instagram, Twitter & Snapchat. I see Katie & Liv's about having a good time together; part of me feels like I should've just stayed at Katie's & part of me wishes I didn't feel like this. A night I had been waiting to happen for week, came & went & it was nothing of what I'd planned.

I feel ashamed of myself, I can't believe I let this happen. Was I the only one noticing the terrible person I've slowly been transforming into?

*bzz, bzz*

A phone goes off, but it's not mine. I look around the bed but I can't find anything, finally, I find the phone hidden in the bedside drawer underneath some clothes; someone is calling. I decide to pick up the phone to see & all it says is "Livy" with a bunch of random kissy face emojis & hearts. I feel my heart drop. I gasped, what the hell was going on? I answer the phone:

Yeah, hello? Who is this?

There's nothing but silence & static. I can faintly hear something playing in the background, but I can't make out what it is.

Hello!? Who's calling? Hello! Say something!

The phone quickly disconnects, without the other person saying a word. Not only am I furious that some girl with a bunch of kissy, heart emojis is calling Daniel, but also the fact that he lied! I'm so disgusted with him, I seriously just want to leave already! I can't help but be upset, but I need to know who the heck "Livy" is. I open up his text messages, she was the last one he text. I think to myself & wonder if I should even do this, I take a deep breath..
I justify my actions by telling myself "you deserve answers Annie"

I'm nervous, all my emotions come hitting me at once. I click on her name, my heart drops. The last text to her from his was a picture of me in my bathing suit that said "see, told you I could get your friends" to which "Livy" replied back with "please stop, leave Annie alone!" Who the hell was Livy & how did she know my name!? Curiosity got the best of me as I checked the phone number of the contact, I dropped the phone. I couldn't believe what I've seen, I can't believe any of this! Guess I wasn't the only one lying to my friends.

I hear the water from the shower dim down, I know he's coming out. I frantically close all the apps I snooped through & put his phone back where I found it & lay back onto the bed. My heart is racing, my chest feels tight. I NEED to leave this place as soon as possible! I finally gain some composure & begin to gather the things I brought with me. I feel so gross & disgusted, I just need to be with someone who can keep it real with me.