It's Complicated

Chapter 42: Gym Fight

It's been a couple of days since I became in control of things again. A couple days of restricting my diet, a couple days of restricting my pain. I'm down 2 lbs, but that isn't enough. People have been complimenting me on how thin I look, which only makes me want to lose weight more. I want people to be envious of what I have & they don't. My cuts aren't doing too well, they're not infected but they do hurt as if they were still fresh.

I've turned to a new alternative of self-harm, bruises. No one really suspects anything because well, being a gymnast you tend to get hurt & end up bruised almost all the time. I found a rock outside the gym one day, it was white & rugged, just what I wanted. Rocks like those make the best bruises, some days I hit the same bruise over & over again until I can't stand the pain anymore. It's not an issue, I have everything under control.

Everything is different now, Katie doesn't talk to me & neither does Mary. I don't know why, but it doesn't bother me. The less interaction with people the more I can focus on me & my relationship. I almost forgot, Daniel & I ended making up the day after I called him crying. He said he only does what he does & acts that way is because he loves me, he doesn't want to see me hurt by anyone else. I trust him, he protects me. He's my biggest motivator actually. He's been complimenting how beautiful I look now, he loves the way I look so why wouldn't I keep on? I mean, I wasn't doing it for him, but him liking it wasn't a bad thing.

I've skipped most meals recently, I try to eat an apple & a small yogurt a day, also making sure that I drink my water. I know water bloats you, but I can't walk around being dehydrated at all times. Sometimes I'll stop at Jamba Juice & just only have a smoothie, but I think I'm gonna reserve that for my cheat days. I feel great about myself, I love the way I look & I'm happy!

Today I have practice & Daniel's coming to take me as usual, but I'm only going to morning practice & then skipping the afternoon. I figure since I've been pretty dedicated to all of my stuff, I deserve an afternoon off. I mean, no one seems to care about what I do, so why would skipping one afternoon practice matter?

As usual I'm greeted by Daniel with a hug & kiss plus some sort of gift whether it be jewelry or some money. It was kind of weird at first, I won't lie, but now I'm used to it & I kind of like it. "Morning Jules, you look really good today." He says as he grabs my leg. I can't help but blush over it, he always knows how to make me feel good. "Are you ready for today? I figured we could go to the beach with some of my friends & then go back to my apartment to hang." I didn't even care at this point, I just wanted to be with him. Really, I wanted to skip morning practice but that wasn't an option. "Sure babe, sounds great!" We drive & he drops me off at practice, I notice Mary & Luke are together in Luke's Jeep & it looks like they're fighting.

I get off the truck & begin walking to the doors of the gym, I look back towards the Jeep & see Mary crying & Luke holding her face. I know I shouldn't intervene but I needed to, I needed to make sure she was okay. I walk over to her side & tap on the window, "you okay Mare?" She quickly wipes away her tears & rubs her face, "everything's peachy!" She begins to open her door & grabs her bag from her seat, "Let's get started on bars. Go let the girls know, I'll be there in just a minute." I nod my head & walk into the gym where I announce the assignments Mary has given us. Even though we weren't close anymore, it crushed me to see her sad & crying.

As I walk on the gym floor, I notice my bruises are showing. I tug at my Nike pros in hopes they'll cover up a little bit more. We begin our rotations on bars, it's Amanda, me & then Katie. When it's my turn & begin my routine, I feel great. I feel so light, my whole routine feels better than ever. When I land into the pit & I begin climbing up, Katie stares at me. Once I'm out, I tug back at my shorts pulling them down. I'm making small talk with Amanda & the rest of the girls when Katie walks up & pulls me out of line. "What the hell is with the bruises, Annie?" I begin to walk towards the water fountain, really anywhere to get away from her. "Annie!" The more she shouts the more annoyed I become. "Annie! I know you can hear me!"