It's Complicated

Chapter 21: Text

Everyone goes their separate ways after we hug & cry together. Kim goes back to cooking dinner, Dan goes to play the piano & I go back to Arabella's room. As I walk to the room my phone rings, *bzz bzz*, it's a text from an unknown number.

Unknown: Hey, I miss you
Annie: Who is this?
Unknown: You don't remember me?
Annie: Obviously not.
Unknown: Lol, alright whatever

I try to think about who it could be, the only person that crosses my mind is Liv but I'm sure she's far too upset with me to even want to text me. I think nothing of it & make my way to the room.

I switch on the lights & look at the room. I sit in the doorway picturing what life would be like if I knew Arabella. She'd be 6 now & would more than likely be a powerhouse gymnast. She would probably be just like Kim, an actual smart-ass. I bet she'd have Dan's amazing artistic skills. That kid would've been a force to reckon with.

It's bittersweet knowing why Kim gravitates toward me. It's great in the sense that she pictures Arabella to be like me, but now I feel the pressure to not only make my parents happy, but to also keep Kim & Dan happy. I love them, but I'm not perfect & I'll never be. I get up from the floor & look at pictures of her. She really was precious. Her hair was long & brown, but not too dark. She had the cutest little button nose. She's was a petite toddler, very tall for her age. She was beautiful.

I always pictured her a mother, but couldn't ever really picture her with kids. I wish she were able to get pregnant just as easy as most women can. It must be hard knowing your chances of having a kid are slim to none. I imagine Kim being a great mom. I mean based off all the things she's done for me in the last 4 years, I'd say she'd be one helluva good mom.

I decide to text Mary & apologize for my behavior from yesterday.
I'm sorry I acted the way I did. I know you were just trying to help. I'm sorry I'm so difficult at times. Thanks for everything!
I hope for a text back but I don't really expect one. I mean she's got her own things going on, so I doubt our fight from yesterday is even on her mind.

Kim announces over the house intercom, "dinner is ready, come get it while it's hot!" I take another moment to take everything in. I still can't believe Kim has a daughter, had. I make my way to the dining room & find Kim & Dan waiting on me. "Sorry, I got a bit distracted. Big house, still not used to it." They laugh in response. I sit down & we fold arms to pray. This isn't normal to me for a couple of reasons:
1. I'm not Mormon, but I forget that Kim & Dan are.
2. My family isn't too religious! (I mean we got into religion again for a bit after Caleb passed but we never became hardcore Christians. We still go to church from time to time.)

We pray & begin dinner. Tonight's meal was chicken Alfredo with sautéed broccoli, two of my favorite foods. We eat, talk, laugh & shed a few tears. As we sit listening to Dan explain his latest surgery to us, my phone goes off, it's another text.

Unknown: I can't believe you don't know who it is. You're pretty clueless, guess it's a good thing you're pretty
Annie: I don't know what you want,
but please just leave me the hell alone! Life's already hard enough without some random ass number harassing me over something that's probably petty!

I'll never understand what people get out of randomly harassing people, it makes no sense. I finish my dinner & look over at Kim & Dan. I wish I had that in my life. The way he looks at her, the way he cares for her. He's so gentle & docile with Kim, whatever she needs he's there. I know they've had their issues with fertility but their love is what overcame it all. I just hope one day someone just as amazing as Dan comes into my life. They're seriously relationship goals.

As I sit in awe of their relationship, my phone goes off again! Kim has this crazy no cellphone policy at the table, so I sneakily check my phone under the table. One new message!
Unknown: [IMG ATTACHMENT]
My heart instant sinks down to my butt. I'm too afraid to open the image. I mean what if it's some random old perv who got my number offline? That'd be way too creepy. But then again, what if it's one of my friends? I needed to open the photo & see what it was. I try to prepare myself for the worst yet hope for the best. I click the image attachment & gasp out loud. I guess Kim & Dan were kissing or something, but they both looked my way in terror.

"What's wrong!? Is everything okay?" Kim is nervous, she begins to sweat. Dan looks puzzled, he has no idea what's going on & frankly looks scared to death. I have no words, I'm literally left speechless over the photo I've received. "Um nothing, just found out that Katie kissed a boy!" I know lying is wrong, I know that, but I can't have this issue right now. Things are good, I don't to ruin them. Kim & Dan look like they want to kill me to be honest. "Are all teenaged girls this dramatic?" Dan asks as he walk away from the dining room. Kim & I can't help ourselves but laugh, "yes Dan, they're always this dramatic! You should see them at the gym."

It's true, we're dramatic. But for receiving a half naked photo of myself. I'd say I responded in the least dramatic way possible. The only person who'd have access to that photo would be Daniel. But why would he be so malicious towards me?

Kim begins to clear the table & ultimately shoos me & Dan out of the dining room. We go into the formal living room, the one with the piano, where we sit & attempt to play a duet together. He laughs & shakes his head at me as my fingers stumble across the keys, in my defense I haven't played in a few years. "Well this isn't going as planned." I said jokingly. "No, it's really not. You're really bad at this." Dan says in the most serious tone & quickly laughs because he can't keep a straight face to save his life!

I sit in awe, enjoying the music, taking in the composition of the song. The song changes & so does the mood. It went from chipper & energetic to solemn & worrisome. Dan begins to play a piece that is rather slow & is played in deeper key than the last one he played.

"You know, I've looked at the pictures of Arabella & it seems like she'd be amazing. It would've been awesome to meet her, at least once you know?"

I look at Dan & he's instantly in tears. For as long as I've known him, I've never seen him cry once. It kind of sent me into a whirlwind of emotions.

"I know it's not the way we'd like, but you can meet her. I mean where we laid her. I try to visit her at least once a month, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it lately. My heart hurts too much going by myself."

Dan is usually reserved & keeps to himself, it's kind of unreal to see him become so emotionally worked up over this. But I mean, who can blame him?

"I've tried to get Kimmy to go, but she won't. We tried once, we got to the end of the driveway & she broke down, she just couldn't do it. She hasn't been to visit since the funeral. I wish I could get her to go, but she isn't ready. I don't know if she'll ever be ready. Lately it's been hard to try & see her. Usually I just get too worked up & decide not to go, I miss her though."

I can tell it's sincere. He truly missed his daughter. I'm sure having me stay here with them doesn't help the situation any more. I wish I could've seen them be parents, I bet they were great with her. I bet they spoiled her & gave her so much attention. I'd just be nice ya know, to see it firsthand.

"I've been meaning to see her, but I don't want to do it alone. I know Kim won't go with me, but will you go with me tomorrow morning?"

My eyes swell up, "yes, yes I'll go with you! I'd love to go with you." He looks astonished after I answered him back. Maybe this is what he needs, maybe this is what I need.