It's Complicated

Chapter 34: It's Just Not Worth It

*STORY IS STILL IN KIM'S POV*

I can't believe Mary would attack me! Most of all I can't believe Jill & Katie did nothing to stop her! She's a terrible person, I can't do this anymore! I try & try so hard to be there for her, I try so hard to be her person but she doesn't make it easy! Every day it's a battle with her, every day it's a fight. She's too self-centered & isn't considerate of anyone! I can't stop myself from crying but I shouldn't even be crying over this, it's ridiculous! I wipe my eyes in attempt to stop the tears, but they keep rolling down. I spot a house phone & decide to call Dan, who recently left the party early due to the fact that he has loads of work to do tomorrow.

"Come on Dan, pick up, pick up. I need to talk to you!"
"Um, hello? Who is this?" I instantly feel bad, he was asleep & I woke him up.
"Sorry babe, it's Kim." I can't mask the sniffles over the phone, plus I'm sure Dan can hear it in my voice.
"What's wrong, baby?" Dan goes from half asleep to fully awake, I have his attention & I honestly could cry a river right now.
"I just.. I'm done! I can't do it anymore Dan! I'm tired of being here, I'm tired of never being enough! I'm tired of fighting with my best friend! It kills me that she doesn't come to me when she needs me, Dan! She broke my fucking heart & it hurts so much! She broke me down, there's nothing left for her to break! I just want to leave Maryland & go back home!"
"Home where Kimmy? I'm at home right now." He doesn't get it, could it have been anymore obvious?
"Utah! I want to go back to Utah!"

As I hid in the office I looked around at all the pictures on the shelves, this once was a happy family. There's pictures of Katie & Billy on their wedding day, pictures of the kids baptismals, pictures of all their animals, it's all so different now. It gets me thinking, if I could change things to become happy again would I? If I could leave & be happier somewhere else, I'd be gone in a heartbeat. But things don't work that way & I know running away from your problems only causes more but I'm at my wits end.

"I just can't bear going to work every day only to fight with Mary. I love the girls I do, but I need to get away for a while Dan. It's just all become too much. I became too vulnerable & now it's killing me because Mary is using it as ammo against me to hurt me. I'm broken, I'm done. I'm not enough for her anymore, I just want to go back home & forget about things for a while. Please, please, please let's go!" I'm not even entirely sure if he can understand me through all the tears & hysteria.

"Kimmy.." He has sadness in his voice, I try to prepare myself but I know what's about to happen next. What was I thinking? Dan can't take a month off from work to go back home, it was selfish of me to even ask! "I'm so sorry I haven't been a better husband. I'm sorry that I didn't know things had gotten this bad. It's just, when Annie is around you, you're happy, I forget other things go on. I didn't know Mary was acting childish, if I'd known I would've never left you there alone. I love you so much Kimberly, I don't know what I'd do without you. If you want to go back," his voice becomes shaky & hesitant, "if you want to go back, let's go! I'll book our tickets right now & we'll leave on the first afternoon flight tomorrow!"

I have to admit, I'm shocked. I didn't actually think Dan would be okay with going back to Utah. Part of me wants to jump up & down because I seriously needed this break, but Dan instantly brings me back down to reality.

"So what are you gonna tell your girls? Well, what are you gonna tell Annie?" I hadn't thought about them, I hadn't thought about her. The bond I have with the girls is great, I know they'll understand & wish me the best but I'm not sure about Annie. Going back home to Utah means no more seeing my girl, it hits me all over again.

"Dan, I can't tell her alone. You've got to be there. Please, I need you to be there for support. She loves you, she'll want to say goodbye to you too. Meet me here at their house, okay? We've got to do this together!" I couldn't possibly tell Annie we're leaving without Dan being here too. I'm nervous & excited all at once. "Alright, tomorrow, we'll tell them all tomorrow! Just come home now so we pack up & cuddle! Love you Kimmy. Just remember you're enough & you're an incredible person! See you soon, be safe!" Dan hangs up the phone & my heart is instantly full with joy.

I begin to think of how I'm going to break the news to everyone. How am I going to do this without breaking hearts & bursting into tears? I haven't been at 1st Class for too long, but long enough to create deep bonds with my girls. I'm gonna miss them, I really am, but I've got to do what's best for me & leaving Maryland is it.

I open up my purse & find a small hand mirror, I quickly conceal the redness under my eyes from crying & I fix my hair to the best of my ability. Find your composure Kimberly, keep a straight face, say goodbye & leave. I take a deep breath before opening the door & much to my surprise Katie, Jill & Mary are in the kitchen cracking open yet another bottle of wine.

"Ah, sorry ladies but I've got to go home! Danny's got a busy day tomorrow so I don't want to keep him up waiting!" I give hugs & kisses to them all, well except Mary. I walk to the door & wave good G one last time. "I'll miss y'all!" Katie instantly catches that last piece I said. "Don't be ridiculous, we'll see you tomorrow Kim. Love you!" She was right, she would see me tomorrow, but tomorrow would be the last day for a long time.. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow will be the last time I ever see any of them ever again. "You're right! Tomorrow it is! Bye, love you too!" It was easy walking away today, but I know tomorrow it's gonna kill me inside.