It's Complicated

Chapter 37: Blocked

Yesterday, Kim left. She tried texting & calling from
Dan's phone, but I quickly block his number too. I couldn't do it, I couldn't deal with the pain & hurt. The two people I felt like I could trust with my life, just up & left me without a good explanation. In under 12 hours, my entire life, that was once slowly falling back together, quickly came tumbling down.

I'm supposed to be headed to practice right now, but I've got other plans. Daniel is picking me up & we're just going to hang out all day, really anything is better than walking inside of that gym right now. I feel bad for skipping practice, but then again I don't, no one ever feels bad when they screw me over so why should I? As I scroll through my phone I see pictures of Kim, Dan & myself, as much as I want to cry over it, I simply delete the photos. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

*Honk, honk* My ride is finally here for me & I couldn't be more thrilled. I run off to Daniel's truck & hop in greeting him with a hug & smile. He grabs my face gently with one hand & kisses me, it feels so unreal. I draw back from him with a puzzled look on my face. "Sorry, but you looked like you could use a kiss." He winks at me & begins to drive away. Though, I didn't really mind the kiss it just seemed sudden but what do I know?

We drive to the nearest beach, North Beach, approximately an hour away. While it wasn't comparable to Ocean City, it was just as good for in the meantime. We get off the truck & begin the treacherous walk to the pier, it's kind of cold & dreary out, a storm looks like it's on the way. We approach a bench & sit down, I lay my head on Daniel's shoulder & stare off into the horizon. He begins cracks his knuckles & picks at his cuticles. "I'm sorry for everything, you know. I never meant to hurt you, it was all so dumb to begin with." He looks at me with sadness in his eyes & as much as I know I shouldn't believe him, I do.

"I.. I know. We all make mistakes. It's okay, really. I just would rather not talk about it." It's not that I didn't want to clear the air, I do, but now isn't the time, I'm not ready! "You know, they made a mistake leaving. They weren't trying to hurt you Julianna, you know that, right?" I hate when other people are right. Agreeing with him would be mean I looked like an ass the day Kim & Dan left. Well, I know I was an ass, but it hurt me. "I guess, I mean, I sort of get it, but then I don't." I begin to tremble as the weather gets colder, being near the water doesn't help as it just makes everything else cooler. Daniel pulls me in tightly towards him, trying to comfort me & keep me warm. "You need to let them in. You know they miss you, you know they'll be back. Just give it time, babe." He kisses my forehead & we stand up making our way back to the truck & escaping this miserable weather.

In the truck I realize that he's right, I know they weren't trying to hurt me but me blocking their phone numbers was extreme. I unblock their numbers & heaps of messages & voicemails arrive onto my phone. Do not read or listen to them Annie, they left you without a second thought. So maybe I still wasn't over the fact that they left, but unblocking them was more progress than I expected to make.

We spend the rest of our day eating lunch at Crackle Barrel & walking around the local outlet stores. It was a good day, for us at least. I felt the smallest piece of happiness, I wasn't jumping for joy but I also wasn't moping around, I just felt good. As Daniel drops me back off at home I get a text from an unknown number:
It's K, where were you!? Why weren't you at practice!?
I instantly knew it was Kim & while I was going home to great ready to head to afternoon practice, I quickly change my mind & run back to Daniel's truck. "Change of plans, let's do something!" He gives me a smirk & nods his head & we begin another journey!

We end up back at his apartment & surprise, surprise, no one is home but is. "Does anyone else even live here?" I ask jokingly, but really I'm being completely serious. All the times I've been here it's just been us, if I didn't know any better I'd think this is some scene from a horror movie. "Yeah, my parents are up in DC doing work for a while, so I've got the place to myself, again." His winks & his tone changes, it went from playful to the slightest hint of seductive. I nervously laugh & sit myself down onto the couch. I take note of what I'm wearing, Under Armour leggings, black nike tennis & a dance company shirt, nothing about this screamed "sexy".

Daniel sits next to me & pulls me close towards him before he begins to kiss me, it's nice so I kiss him back. This time feels different than the last, this time I wanted it to happen. Before I know it I'm in his bed, naked, next to him. We all know what's happening if it hasn't already, but it's different this time around. Was I really prepared or ready? No. Did I really want to? No. But he asked me & of course hit me with the "I love you" & I couldn't resist, I couldn't help but give into that temptation. I felt like I owed him anyway since Dan broke his nose, but I didn't mind. Daniel got what he wanted & I kind of enjoyed it, not really but whatever. It was an even playing field & now he can't play the "poor me" card.

As we lie in bed next to each other my phone goes off again, yet another message from an undisclosed number: I taught you better than this! Give Mary respect! I love you but damn, you can't do this! I try to brush off the message & close the text when Daniel shoots out of bed & begins asking me 101 questions. "Who was that text from? Why are they texting you?" I know I don't owe any explanations, but I couldn't help it, I wanted to ease his mind. "It was just Kim asking why I wasn't at practice. I just ignored the message." He's shakes his head in disapproval & grabs my phone out my hand & begins to reply back to the text: Leave me alone. It's none of your business, don't let Dan text me either. Get out my life! He tosses back my phone & begins to put his clothes back onto his body. He grabs my clothes & throws it at me, "You should probably get dressed so I can take you home now."

This wasn't the day I anticipated, if anything I felt like I was on the verge of tears but I couldn't cry. I didn't have anyone to cry to either. I simply sucked it, got dressed & left back to my house with him. It was an awkward ride home & oh how I so wish Kim were here to talk to. As I get off the truck I kiss Daniel's cheek, I turn around & begin getting off when grabs my wrist tightly & says "Don't let that creep Dan text you, he seems like he's in love with you. I love you, baby, see you soon!" I remove my arm from his grip & try to laugh it off, "see ya!" I try to quickly scurry away to the front door, but I can't move fast enough. He begins to yell at me like a child, "HEY! SAY IT BACK!" I couldn't help but feel embarrassed as my neighbors from across the street were outside doing god knows what. My face becomes flushed & my palms become sweaty, "I love you, too.." I wave bye & run straight into the house. I don't know what happened, but I know I didn't like it.