It's Complicated

Chapter 25: The Talk

*STORY IS IN KIM'S POV STILL*

I look at Mare & see her face, she's visibly shocked. I begin to fidget with my hands. I know she's going to ask what I mean again, I just need to prepare myself. No matter how hard I try, I'll never be ready to tell her the truth.

"What do you mean Kim? What don't I know?" She seems nervous & angry, I mean she has a right to be mad. We've been friends for years now & I still haven't told her about my daughter. I know it's a shitty thing to hide, but I was never ready to talk about it.. I'm still really not ready, but I have to be.

"Back before I came to 1st class, my life was a lot different Mare.." There's so much to tell her I don't even know where to really begin. I can hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears, I get sweaty, I'm nervous.

"In college, I went to a party with my roommate. Well, actually I was set up if you wanna be technical." She's confused, hell I'd be confused too. "We went to a party & I got drunk, I wasn't in control of myself. I ran into a guy I knew from one of my classes & he took advantage of me." She covers her mouth with her hands & lets out a yelp. "I was raped." That word still burns as it rolls off my tongue. "As a result of the intense trauma, my doctor said it be highly unlikely for me to have kids. It broke me, it broke my heart."

Mary looks like she'd just seen a ghost. She looks pale & frightened. "There's more you need to know.."I of course begin to cry, I can't help that I'm emotional but the thought of Arabella sends me into a whirlwind. "I had a two year old daughter, Arabella Faith." Mary has a concerned look on her face, I know she has questions, but I want to get through this as painlessly as possible. "She passed away from HCM, like Caleb.. Only six months before him." That hit her like a ton of bricks, tears begin to fall faster than she can wipe them away. "She was my world, she was our world. She was my only one, my miracle baby."

"Kim, why didn't you tell me? I'm your BEST FRIEND, you're supposed to come to me with this sort of stuff!" She gets up & hugs me, I feel bad for not telling her sooner.

"I wasn't ready.. I kind of don't think I was ready now either but it happened, it came out. I couldn't hide it anymore, I don't want to. It was the worst moment of my life, it's unbearable."

"Kimberly! Don't ever hold stuff back from me, I don't care what's going on in my life. You're my person, we're supposed to be able to depend on each other!" Her eyes are full of tears but Mare refuses to let them fall.

"I know, I know that now. It's just when it all happened, when I came to this gym it was all so new. I didn't want to just throw my whole life drama at you. I needed you. I still do. But I didn't want to give you burden of trying to help me cope through her death. I needed to process it on my own, or so I thought.. It didn't help any really."

"But I don't understand, what happened when she passed? What happened that day? I don't mean to be invasive, but I know you Kim, you're beating around the bush!" She's right, I was. She's my best friend, of course she knew I was withholding information.

"I.. We.. I can't." I can't bring myself to say what really happened that day. For the last four years I've tried to repress that day. For the last four years, it's worked. That day, those memories, the last moments I spent with her always have me wondering "what could I have done differently?" It kills me inside knowing my baby's gone. Mare reaches her hands out for me to grab. We hold hands & she signals for me to try again.