Brown sugar and Lavender

Chapter seventeen: Less personality than a steak

Addison's POV:

"Mark Sloan is here" Meredith repeated slowly. We'd gone to an on call room and locked the door tightly behind us before beginning to talk about everything.

"Yes" I answer, twiddling my thumbs nervously. I didn't want this to be one more complicated thing Meredith could leave me because of.

"Mark Sloan who's still in love with you?"

"Yes" I nod, taking in a breath. I still had yet to tell Meredith the worst part, I just needed to see how she'd react to this before I dropped anymore news.

"But you're in love with me" Meredith states.

I look her dead in the eyes "I am head over heels for you, Meredith. I'm a complete goner and I love that because I love you"

She cracks a smile and leans in to kiss me softly "I love you Addie" she whispers against my lips "always"

"I love you" I say, reluctantly pulling away from her lips "and because I love you, I have to tell you something else"

"Go on" Meredith says, cool and calmly.

"Back in New York" I say slowly "Mark and I were together after Derek left. And...I got pregnant"

Her face was a mask of shock, but she didn't yell or scream. She just nodded, signalling for me to continue.

"I realized then that I didn't love him, and I aborted the baby. Which I hate myself for, by the way" I add.

"Addie, I know this should make me mad" she says, after a moment of silence "but I'm not" her grey eyes burn into my blue ones as she looks up at me. "I know how much you want kids, and of course, I feel awful about what you felt you had to do. But that was your past. And me? I want to be your future"

A smile cracks across my face "some days I think of what would've happened had I kept the baby. I wonder the gender and what colour I'd have painted the nursery and if I'd get to feel little baby kicks" I say sombrely "but then, I look at you. And all I can think is that if all of that crap I had to go through led me to you, I'd do it all again twice. In a heart beat"

"Addie, I want you, all of you, forever. And if all of this works and if we work out, if we are a forever, I'll make sure you have all the kids you could ever want. We'll have a big family, anything you want bunny" Meredith smiles, leaning in to kiss me.

"I freaking love you" I murmur against her lips as we continue to kiss.

"I love you too" she replies breathily as I lean back on the on call bed with her towering over me.

"You're the absolute best thing that's ever happened to me" she trails light kisses down my neck, as I smooth the hair back from her face.

"Addie" Meredith suddenly asks, lying down next to me "why'd you give up ten years of marriage for me? Why'd you pick me?"

I think for a second, then smile at her "I knew that what Derek and I had wasn't enough" I answer simply.

"When did you figure that out?" She asks curiously "when did you know Derek loving you and you loving Derek just wasn't enough?"

"When I felt what it was like to have you hold me in your arms" I whisper in her ear "from that first night on, I knew I was screwed. No one else is ever going to be enough now"

"You're only saying that to get laid" Meredith chuckles.

"Nope" I say popping the P. "I'm saying it because it's the truth. Sex is an added bonus"