Brown sugar and Lavender

Chapter nineteen: She'll be standing next to me

Addison's POV:

I was asleep, fast asleep, more asleep than anything. And mind you, I'm a heavy sleeper.

Except when Meredith isn't okay.

I woke up to Meredith crying in her sleep, mumbling incoherent things as she thrashed about. Tears were streaming down her face, but she wasn't screaming, leaving me confused as to what she had dreamt about.

"Meredith" I shook her gently "baby, wake up. Wake up, it's okay. It's all okay baby, just wake up for me" I cooed softly.

She opened her eyes and looked up at me. The minute she saw me, her whole body just calmed down. She wrapped her arms tightly around me and sniffed, her breathing slowing down from the fast pace it was whilst she was so distressed.

"What's wrong baby?" I ask, rubbing circles in her back.

"I had a bad dream" she mumbled in the crook of my neck "you didn't love me anymore and I was so alone. I needed you and you didn't love me"

"Oh baby" I held her tighter "that's never going to happen. I'm always, always, going to love you"

I smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead "why don't we go to bed, yeah?"

She nods slowly, but instead of her standing up I stood up and hoisted her up so that her legs were wrapped around my waist and her arms were snaked tightly around my neck.

"It's okay, it was just a dream" I keep on muttering calming things into her ear even when we're up in bed, and she's long since fell asleep.

~

The next morning, I woke up to the sunlight pouring in through the open curtains. I groaned, and rolled over on top of Meredith, earning a groan from her as well.

"Princess, I love you, but get the hell of me" she grumbled.

"Don't call me princess" I say, burying my head in her shoulder.

"You're my princess. Now move" she shoves me a bit so that instead of right on top of her, I'm snuggled into her side. It was very safe to say that I was the little spoon in all aspects of our relationship.

"Did you sleep well?" I ask, tracing lazy circles on her hip where her shirt rode up.

"I did after" she tells me "but that dream was so...real"

"Not in the slightest was that dream real" I kiss her shoulder "I love you and I'll keep on loving you"

"I love you too" she smiles "in my dream, you were with Derek but you were pregnant and you looked amazing pregnant. Like all glowy and shit. Cranky, but gorgeous"

I laugh "thanks, a compliment smoothed over with an insult"

"If anything the dream just made me more determined" she looks down at me, still smiling.

"Oh?" I ask.

"More determined to get a ring on your finger one day so that I'll get to see your ass all glowy and pregnant and mine" she whispers softly "I love you, bunny"

I know without a doubt that I love Meredith. I never thought about marrying her, but now that I have, I can see it. I can see me waking up to make her coffee in the mornings, I can see her folding laundry while I do the dishes, I can see myself carrying a baby, I can see myself rubbing Meredith's big tummy as she carries a baby, I can see myself coming home to her every single night.

I can see my life, I can see myself living, all with Meredith.

"I love you too"

"Well, I'm glad" Meredith pulled me as close to her as she could. If we were any closer, we'd be squashed into the same person. I could feel every breath she took and hear every beat to her heart from my spot on her chest, we were a mangled mess of sheets and legs and arms and love. I wouldn't have it any other way, not in a million years.