Brown sugar and Lavender

Chapter twenty three: Pop the question like its Derek's jaw

Meredith's POV:

I feel like absolute and utter shit.

She walked away, and I broke down.

She thinks I'm an awful person.

She thinks I don't love her.

She doesn't know what actually happened.

IN THE SCRUB ROOM SEVERAL MINUTES BEFORE

"This is going to be one of the best surgeries we've got!" Derek smiles. He's acting civil, which is weird. He's been nice and hasn't made any wise cracks, which I find weird.

"I'm glad I get to see it" I smile at him in an attempt to be nice. I could practically hear Addie chiding me about how I can't piss him off.

"Meredith, I really missed talking to you" he says quietly.

"I'm sorry" I say. I know I'm apologizing for him not being able to deal, but I guess he took it as me apologizing for loving his ex wife.

"I'm so glad to hear you finally coming to your senses" he backs me up against the wall and puts a hand on either side of my face.

"What the hell?" Before I can get anything else out, he's kissing me.

"Get off of me!" I exclaim, but his lips are muffling my cries for him to fuck off.

He keeps kissing me, and I keep on trying to push him away. My hands are pushing at his chest and shoulders, I'm trying to wiggle my way out of his grasp, but I'm 120 pounds of no muscle compared to his 200 of muscle. I'm no match.

My eyes are wild and open, trying to get him away from me. His lips feel so weird a and foreign against mine, they're big and slobbery compared to Addie's small, soft ones I've grown to love so much.

I close my eyes and muster up all the strength I have in my body. I put my hands on his shoulders, ready for one final shove, when the door opens and she walks in.

I swear, I've never had a moment where I felt more heartbroken.

PRESENT TIME

so, that's how I ended up alone at home, crying on the couch as I hated myself over and over for thinking Derek was being nice just for the sake of it. I hated myself for giving him the wrong idea. I hated that she left and now, I'm heartbroken.

I couldn't sleep, I tried around ten ish when I figured she wasn't coming back, not tonight.

I curled up on my side of the bed, and tried to sleep.

I couldn't sleep without her there, I needed to hear her steady breathing, I needed to feel her arms wrapped tightly around me. I couldn't sleep without her, and it was kind of pathetic.

I migrated down to the couch, where I couldn't sleep either.

I decided to get some icecream, but started to cry harder when I saw her favourite Ben and Jerry's rocky road ice cream.

Then, I figured I'd hop in the shower. But when I saw her brown sugar perfume sitting on the counter, I start a whole new round of tears.

Everywhere I go, she's there. Her presence is always with me, and I know for a fact if she ever did leave me I'd be a mess. A complete and total mess.

Because I can't live without her, I don't know how. I don't remember how I did it before I met her, but I sure as hell know I won't be going back.

I needed her because she was my everything.

Addisons POV:

Sighing, I open the door to Meredith's house. I saw the tape, I know what happened. And I'm pissed.