Brown sugar and Lavender

Chapter thirty two: I'm okay

Meredith's POV:

I sat by her bed holding her hand for nearly 24 hours.

Derek had told me after her surgery that it would take some time for her to wake up, but if she didn't wake in the first 24 hours, she was most likely suffering some effects of the trauma her body suffered.

As if the hole in her skull and the bruises littered on her pale body weren't enough suffering.

Her breathing was steady, I counted each and every one. If she inhaled, I counted it, and when she exhaled so did I, in complete and utter relief.

It was about three in the morning, I wasn't asleep, when she finally woke up. And let me tell you, i couldn't have been more happy.

I was counting her breaths, holding her hand, with my head laid on the bed. I was tired, but I couldn't feel it. I was too focused on her to notice my own body screaming with exhaustion.

Suddenly, she spoke.

"Meredith?"

I sat up, fast as lightening, and turned my full attention to her, as if she never had it.

"Addie baby" I coo, trying not to cry with relief "baby you're okay"

She looks around for a minute, before her eyes, cloudy with confusion and grogginess, turn back to me again.

"I was on the ferry boat" she told me

I nodded and tucked her hair behind her ears, tears leaked down my face as I smiled wide enough to split my face.

"Yeah, bunny you were" I confirm "you got pretty hurt out there"

She nods, looking at her casts and bandages.

"What happened to me?" She asked, her voice quiet and innocent. I wanted to hold her; shield her from the cold, harsh reality we were living in. I wanted to keep her safe and sound in my arms for the rest of her life.

"You got pretty bummed up. You had some internal bleeding that Dr. Bailey fixed, you broke some bones that Callie set, and you hit your head pretty hard. Derek did some surgery to fix it" I conclude "you'll be okay; in six weeks you'll be back to normal"

She nods and closes her eyes, still gripping onto my hand.

"My head hurts"

"I know baby, I know" I coo over her, so fucking relieved "you'll be okay, don't you worry"

She nods and closes her eyes, gripping my hands in her own.

"How are you Addison?" Derek enters the room with her chart and a smile, talking in a low voice.

"Why is he here?" She mumbles, eyes still closed. I think she might've still been a tad drugged.

"He split open your skull like a cantaloupe" Derek points out "saved your life and all. Now I'm here to make sure you're not going to die, because if you die I have no doubts that Meredith will kill me"

I just laugh, he didn't know how right he was.

Addison's POV:
I woke up to a pounding in my head.

I looked over to my left to see Meredith with her head laid down next to me and her hand in mine. She looked exhausted, but I could tell she wasn't asleep.

"Meredith?" I just wanted her. I wanted to know why I was hooked up to tubes and wires and I wanted to know what happened.

She bolted up and looked at me, her eyes welled up and her face split into the biggest grin I've ever seen.

"Addie baby" she coos "baby you're okay"

I look around and try to remember what happened.

I remember cold. If I don't remember a damn thing besides that, I know I won't ever forget the cold. The water surrounding me in a puddle, a sharp cold against the warm blood and tears that flowed from my body.

I remember a weight on my chest, not being able to breathe. I remember feeling lost and hopeless and scared that i would die and never see Meredith again. I remember something falling and hitting my head, and then blacking out.

But most of all, I remember the dream I had. Meredith, the little girl with blonde curls and the sweet little baby with ginger fuzz on top of her head. It felt so real, lifting up the baby and pressing my nose against her soft hair, it was like I could actually smell baby power and vanilla.

"I was on the ferry boat" I say, remembering everything all at once.

Meredith tells me everything that happened to me, all my injuries and how fucked I'm gonna be for the next two months or so. But I'm not listening, i want to, but my head is pounding and all my joints are on fire. I can't focus on anything or anyone.

"My head hurts" I mumble, I wanted some drugs for it but I was probably already maxed out on everything they could give me, judging by my current state.

"I know baby I know" she coos, making me feel safe and secure "you'll be okay, don't you worry" she's comforting me in a way that makes me feel calmed, more calm than I've been since I was on the ferry boat.

I thought I was going to die. I was convinced I was going to die. I nearly accepted the fact that I was going to die.

Derek walks in, I don't know why he's here or what he's going on about and I don't care. If I didn't have a broken wrist, I'd slap him a fourth time.

"Why is he here?" I ask, not sure the annoyance in my tone is clear through the scratchiness of my throat. I supposed I was tubed for a while, considering the rough shape of my voice.

"He cut open your skull like a cantaloupe" Derek tells me "saved your life and all. Now I'm here to make sure you're not going to die, because if you die I have no doubts that Meredith will kill me" he sounds genuinely worried that Meredith would be the death of him. I don't blame him.

I sigh and look at him with annoyance "Thanks for saving my life, now do the damn post op exam before I have an aneurysm instead of a brain bleed" I know i should be feeling grateful to be alive, but I'd rather be six feet under than show any respect or gratitude towards Derek.

"Alright, lift both arms up slowly" he instructs, it hurts but I manage to get both up and keep them up "squeeze my fingers" i grab his fingers and squeeze hard enough to make him wince a little bit "look at me" i look at him with a scowl, and follow the light he waves in front of my face.

"Well" he concludes, standing up "she'll live to bitch another day"

I roll my eyes while Meredith glares.

"Thanks for your help, Derek" Meredith mutters "you can leave now"

Without a word, he leaves and Meredith turns back to me.

"Bunny, really, how do you feel?" She asks, tucking my hair back gently with one hand, while holding my own hand with the other.

"Exhausted" I sigh. I don't know how to tell her that I thought I was dead. I don't know how to tell her I nearly accepted my own death. I don't know how to tell her any of this, and I don't know how to thank her for being the one thing I kept holding on for.

"I thought of you, when I thought I'd die" I tell her, deciding to start with that "I thought of you and babies we'll have and our life together. You got me through it, I thought I'd die"

She leans down to kiss me softly.

"I won't ever be able to thank you enough for holding on for me. I'd be lost without you" she mumbles against my lips.

"You can cuddle me?" I ask "I could use some nice warm body contact. I can't shake the feeling of the cold water, it's making me a little uneasy" I explain, like I need an excuse for my own wife to crawl into bed with me.

Mer kicks off her shoes and crawls in, putting her arms around me. I rest my head on her chest, relishing in the steady thump of her heart beat.

She was alive, and so was I.